The Trials & Tribulations of Trying to Conceive when its just not happening (12m+)

Slinky_Selina

Hi all
Popped in to pass around the Egg Nog and a bit of M & S Chocolate Yule Log
I'm just waiting for AF though and it looks like she's going to be late so maybe the ladybits are grinding to a stop again as my thyroid levels go up. WIll be a pain if it starts in the next few days as I need to have the hsg test, and I also need to have my hip x-rayed. But I'm going to be 200 miles away from the hospitals. So maybe another month to wait!

:xmassign: Everyone xxx

codemonkey

Ok I am now officially confused. The ultrasound dudette said yesterday that there was a dominant follicle on my right ovary suggesting I'm about to ovulate. I'm now bleeding thick brown clotty blood. Do I call this cd1?

Do I call the clinic and let them know?

danielley

Morning all

Well I'm in bits and didn't know where to post this, but i think if i put it here i might get more understanding than on the main forums.

DH & I went out on Friday seperately for christmas drinks with friends and we met up at the end of the night, had a nice dance together then walked home and i ended up turning into a complete psycho and lashed out physically & verbally at poor DH. I dont even remember exactly what I said and did but I know that I was a vile cow. I've behaved like this before when I've drank far too much which I don't do often and DH had warned me that he wouldn't stand for again but I didn't think he meant and I didn't plan to do it again.

He packed a bag yesterday morning and he has gone to a friends house. I have my Mum & sister close by who are being very supportive and think that it is just a stressful time for the both of us, with TTC and a few other things but I am in absolute shock, as I thought we were solid.

I'm so ashamed of how I behaved and that i've ruined something so special.

His Mum text me last night being supportive and offering to chat... I have tried not to contact him but I sent a massive heartfelt apology at 4am this morning as I thought it would help me sleep (it didn't)

Sorry for the off topic moan.... just feeling awful x

codemonkey

danielley wrote: »

Morning all

Well I'm in bits and didn't know where to post this, but i think if i put it here i might get more understanding than on the main forums.

DH & I went out on Friday seperately for christmas drinks with friends and we met up at the end of the night, had a nice dance together then walked home and i ended up turning into a complete psycho and lashed out physically & verbally at poor DH. I dont even remember exactly what I said and did but I know that I was a vile cow. I've behaved like this before when I've drank far too much which I don't do often and DH had warned me that he wouldn't stand for again but I didn't think he meant and I didn't plan to do it again.

He packed a bag yesterday morning and he has gone to a friends house. I have my Mum & sister close by who are being very supportive and think that it is just a stressful time for the both of us, with TTC and a few other things but I am in absolute shock, as I thought we were solid.

I'm so ashamed of how I behaved and that i've ruined something so special.

His Mum text me last night being supportive and offering to chat... I have tried not to contact him but I sent a massive heartfelt apology at 4am this morning as I thought it would help me sleep (it didn't)

Sorry for the off topic moan.... just feeling awful x

Oh danielley, that sounds awful. I think we've all said and done things we regret when we're drunk. I don't have any advice for you, except maybe to never get drunk again. I hope you and your DH can sort it out. Has he responded to your text?

bigmomma051204

danielley wrote: »

Morning all

Well I'm in bits and didn't know where to post this, but i think if i put it here i might get more understanding than on the main forums.

DH & I went out on Friday seperately for christmas drinks with friends and we met up at the end of the night, had a nice dance together then walked home and i ended up turning into a complete psycho and lashed out physically & verbally at poor DH. I dont even remember exactly what I said and did but I know that I was a vile cow. I've behaved like this before when I've drank far too much which I don't do often and DH had warned me that he wouldn't stand for again but I didn't think he meant and I didn't plan to do it again.

He packed a bag yesterday morning and he has gone to a friends house. I have my Mum & sister close by who are being very supportive and think that it is just a stressful time for the both of us, with TTC and a few other things but I am in absolute shock, as I thought we were solid.

I'm so ashamed of how I behaved and that i've ruined something so special.

His Mum text me last night being supportive and offering to chat... I have tried not to contact him but I sent a massive heartfelt apology at 4am this morning as I thought it would help me sleep (it didn't)

Sorry for the off topic moan.... just feeling awful x

I feel for you as it seems you have realised too late what you may have lost which can be an awful feeling Perhaps this will teach you to stop the binge drinking - current situation aside, drinking so much that you become aggressive can't be having a very positive effect on your health/fertility hun, so all the more reason to stop altogether :A

Just wanted to say though - I cannot condone the verbal or physical abuse on your partner. I understand you regret this but it sounds like it has happened before and you haven't learnt from your mistakes..... Lets be honest, if you were telling us your partner had got drunk and physically lashed out at you, we would all be saying "get out now, thats domestic abuse etc". I am glad that you partner has had the strength to leave the volatile situation - it is especially hard for men to admit this goes on and leave.
Perhaps he needs to see some positive actions toward change now - as I am sure he has probably heard all of the excuses and apologies in the past.

Maybe you need to address the drinking, and make some enquiries with regards to anger management or perhaps some counselling (not couples counselling - for you) ..... perhaps the whole fertlity issue is getting to you and making it worse BUT we wouldnt condone your partner attacking you because of it, would we....? You certainly need to DO something proactive now. Because he won't just hang around waiting to be ur emotional and physical punchbag for ever.

Sorry if this upsets you honey, I feel for you as I said - none of us are perfect... But having been on the receiving end of abuse, it must be addressed and cannot be brushed aside or excused just because you are having a hard time. Lots of people have hard times and don't attack their partner when they have had a few too many. You need some time to focus on yourself :A

Rowingirl

SewIt wrote: »

I wonder if I could get pg by someone else and if DH could get someone else pg. but it doesn't really matter as I don't want anyone else's baby, I want his baby, our baby.

Sewit I've thought the same thing so many times and find it so frustrating when people glibbly suggest adoption. I also had to give up the first thought as I felt resentful and wanted to focus on solutions not blame DH.

Code thanks, hugs to you too, May seems a long time to wait.

Danielley what an awful situation. I echo what bigmomma said and hope you can find a way forward.

time2deal

danielley wrote: »

...I'm so ashamed of how I behaved and that i've ruined something so special....

Danielley I'm also a bit torn about how to respond to this. I am sure you feel bad, but the truth is that alcohol isn't an excuse for that behaviour. As bigmomma says, if this was a man saying this the reaction would be 'throw him out'.

I have some sympathy as I am susceptible to the same behavior, although only to the point of embarrassing and upsetting DH, and having stupid arguments about things that I really don't mean - none of which I remember. He made it clear to me that it had to stop, and that my self-serving 'it's only alcohol, I'm just having fun' wasn't acceptable anymore.

I also got a shock with a few blackouts where I put myself in real danger and so have tried very hard to manage it now. Including quitting drinking for 2 months this year - 100% stopped. It's harder than you think, and more effective than I thought as it proved to me I could have fun without alcohol.

So, I think you need to decide if you can honestly look at yourself and say you have done everything necessary to stop this happening again. If it happened before I think you know you can't just apologize and brush it off. You can probably salvage the relationship if you try enough, but take the time to decide if you are the person you think you are, or you want to be.

We've all had bad days, and done stupid things, and we are here to help, but can't really pretend its all ok.

bigmomma051204

time2deal wrote: »

Danielley I'm also a bit torn about how to respond to this. I am sure you feel bad, but the truth is that alcohol isn't an excuse for that behaviour. As bigmomma says, if this was a man saying this the reaction would be 'throw him out'.

I have some sympathy as I am susceptible to the same behavior, although only to the point of embarrassing and upsetting DH, and having stupid arguments about things that I really don't mean - none of which I remember. He made it clear to me that it had to stop, and that my self-serving 'it's only alcohol, I'm just having fun' wasn't acceptable anymore.

I also got a shock with a few blackouts where I put myself in real danger and so have tried very hard to manage it now. Including quitting drinking for 2 months this year - 100% stopped. It's harder than you think, and more effective than I thought as it proved to me I could have fun without alcohol.

So, I think you need to decide if you can honestly look at yourself and say you have done everything necessary to stop this happening again. If it happened before I think you know you can't just apologize and brush it off. You can probably salvage the relationship if you try enough, but take the time to decide if you are the person you think you are, or you want to be.

We've all had bad days, and done stupid things, and we are here to help, but can't really pretend its all ok.

I agree..... I think really you need to ask yourself whether it is "I'm hoping partner will get back with me and just "Put up" with my behaviour (or the possibility it may happen) forever" OR "I need to change how I am, to enable my partner to be happy with me"

frozenpenguin

Thanks time2deal – could you please take me off the awaiting FS appointment list please? And have a wonderful time in Sweden – it sounds lovely! x

SewIt – thank you for the advice, I do feel as if I could be bothering them a lot but the nurse said over and over to ring instead of sitting at home confused. I wonder what the strangest question they’ve ever been asked is!?

Part Mouse – wishing you good luck for the 30th x

danielley – I echo what everyone else has said, it seems an awful situation to be in, I hope you and your DH can sort things out (one way or another) and both get through this x


Hugs, mince pies and Christmas wishes to everyone xxx

danielley

Thanks for all the support. I realise it's totally unacceptable and I am going to arrange some counselling as I need to stop this destructive behaviour.

DH has returned home and has agreed to stay as long as I can control my outbursts and anger, as I can be quite stroppy sober too when I am frustrated or stressed.

What a weekend :-(

Hope you are all well x