The Trials & Tribulations of Trying to Conceive when its just not happening (12m+)

Part_Mouse

Ww I did lose all my lining but it grows very quickly, to quickly intact just hope it lasts.got everything tightly crossed for you.

Whattodonow

MASSIVE congratulations derby!! So so pleased for you!!

Hi Mrssippy - what a great friend you are. The more you get to understand the better support you will be. My advice would be to listen. Try not to offer advice - your friend will know all the options already. Just be a good listener, let her know you're there. She will probably be feeling something close to grief at the moment. Hope she is ok. Maybe suggest this forum to her!?


Regarding AMH tests, I was originally told I had low AMH levels. However my clinic (hewitt liverpool) has now abandoned ones the tests as as they don't believe they accurately reflect fertility levels. The FSH are more accurate.

Welcome Isla red

Glad things moving again for you T2D. X

Peonie

Hi MrsSippy, I agree with WW ^. Listening to her without giving your opinion or making suggestions is the best support you can give.

It seems like the two of you are close so if you do decide to try for a second it think it would be nice if you told her you were going to start trying rather than announce your pregnancy. I have a friend who knew we were struggling to conceive - we'd talked about it but not a month by month update. It's actually started to annoy me that she is now interested in a regular update about what's going on with me but was not willing to tell me she was trying for a second (when we started trying for our first at the same time) and announced her pregnancy to the whole group.

We should write a 12 things to never say to an infertile - like the 12 days of Christmas, like:
'I understand how hard it is to conceive - it took me 3 months to get pregnant'.
Or is that too depressing?

WW, I'm really happy you've got your embie on board and I hope you feel better soon. Fingers crossed your incubator embie grows big and strong.

cwtw

Huge congrats Derby so pleased for you.
Exciting times ww I have everything crossed....
part mouse I'm quietly doing the follicle dance for you.

Number 2 on things not to say...
Just relax and it will happen. The stress can't be helping... (I'm sure if someone took my blood pressure when people say that to me it would be high enough to be hospitalized. It makes me want to be violent, as do most people at the moment, being totally honest.)

Part_Mouse

Cwtw thanks.

codemonkey

Number 3 on things not to say: IVF is so selfish, the world is overpopulated and there are loads of kids needing homes. Why don't you 'just' adopt?
(why didn't you 'just' adopt instead of having your own child?).

Number 4: if its meant to happen it will happen (currently DH's favourite phrase whenever I express anxiety about our FS appointment tomorrow and everytime he says it I just want to kick him in the head. Like it helps that the fact that I may never have children is all part of some stupid master plan.)

angeltreats

Numbers 5 to 30 - pretty much everything my mum in law says.

Don't get despondent (she likes that word).
Don't let it take over your life.
Don't let it affect your relationship.
You've got to think positive.
(On me refusing to come for dinner when my pregnant sister in law will be there, because I am liable to have a meltdown and bawl my eyes out at the dinner table) It's only for an afternoon, can't you just put up with it?

And so on.

In fairness I think she's trying and just doesn't know how to handle me at the moment, but all her "pearls of wisdom" are making me want to throttle her.

Wonder_Woman

angeltreats wrote: »

Don't get despondent

My mum likes this one and also "you've got to think positively" as if 'negative chi' is the reason we've spent close to 2 years now trying to conceive.

I currently want to throttle everyone at work but in all honesty I think I did before I was TTC. I put it down to them being ridiculous rather than me being anxious and hormonal.

Rowingirl

Number 6: 'you will fall pregnant when the time is right.'
Oooh brilliant please tell me when that time is so I can put it in my diary then put my feet up and forget about this TTC marlarky. It's my reflexologist's favourite 'advice' but she can't explain what this "right time" is or when it will occur.

MrsSippi

Peonie wrote: »

Hi MrsSippy, I agree with WW ^. Listening to her without giving your opinion or making suggestions is the best support you can give.

It seems like the two of you are close so if you do decide to try for a second it think it would be nice if you told her you were going to start trying rather than announce your pregnancy. I have a friend who knew we were struggling to conceive - we'd talked about it but not a month by month update. It's actually started to annoy me that she is now interested in a regular update about what's going on with me but was not willing to tell me she was trying for a second (when we started trying for our first at the same time) and announced her pregnancy to the whole group.

We should write a 12 things to never say to an infertile - like the 12 days of Christmas, like:
'I understand how hard it is to conceive - it took me 3 months to get pregnant'.
Or is that too depressing?

WW, I'm really happy you've got your embie on board and I hope you feel better soon. Fingers crossed your incubator embie grows big and strong.

Well she had another test done and apparently her levels have doubled since Friday which is good. What this means I'm not quite sure (ie if it means it is easier for her to get pregnant or just that she may be able to get ivf on the nhs).

However (and I feel bad saying this) I lam getting a bit tired of the updates. Obviously I want things to work out for her but Ii had 6 texts yesterday telling me what happened and what it all means.

While I want to support her I do wonder if I need to know absolutely everything. As far as me having another child goes, I don't have any immediate plans but if we do start trying I will keep that quiet from everyone just because I prefer to keep it private. I'm not judging those that do want to tell people, I just don't want people knowing until I actually was pregnant.