The Trials & Tribulations of Trying to Conceive when its just not happening (12m+)

time2deal

Ahh code - sorry to hear. Such a hard diagnosis.

There is still hope, and you will find a way through this, but getting news like that is so hard.

Sending hugs. We are here for you.

codemonkey

angeltreats wrote: »

Oh !!!!. I truly don't know what to say. I've been whinging and full of self pity because my DH's count was something like 1 million. So sorry Code, I wish there was something useful/comforting/not irritating I could say.

I suppose it's far too early to start considering a donor?

It's ok. A 1 million sperm count is also crap.

She told us the brilliant news about sperm donors - apparently since the legislation was passed that allows children conceived through donor sperm to contact the donor, nobody is donating sperm. Apparently the medical students in the city (loads) would do it, get £50 and go to the pub, but now they're not doing it. Rather unsurprisingly. There is some sperm available at private clinics but it would mean paying for a private cycle and with my irregular cycles, IUI would be difficult.

In any case, DH isn't open to donor sperm.

time2deal wrote: »

Ahh code - sorry to hear. Such a hard diagnosis.

There is still hope, and you will find a way through this, but getting news like that is so hard.

Sending hugs. We are here for you.

Thanks. We knew it would be bad - the words "absence of sperm" kind of hinted that, but I hoped they'd find one or two in there. The FS seemed surprised that we were so calm but we'd done the research so its not like it was a surpise. Just pinning my hopes on the small chance that they'll find a sperm cell or two. If they don't, then it's all over.

time2deal

codemonkey wrote: »

Thanks. We knew it would be bad - the words "absence of sperm" kind of hinted that, but I hoped they'd find one or two in there. The FS seemed surprised that we were so calm but we'd done the research so its not like it was a surpise. Just pinning my hopes on the small chance that they'll find a sperm cell or two. If they don't, then it's all over.

Are the bloods tests to see if there is a hormonal reason instead of the earlier surgery? Or could one be causing the other.

I wouldn't give up on donor sperm. DH may slowly come around to it once reality hits. But of course it has to be his choice.

Can I just say surgery isn't the godsend I was lead to believe it is!! I used to believe doctors could fix things for you, now I just think they mess them up in different and unique ways. I wonder was your DH told when he had that operation so many years ago that this was a risk, and if so - why wasn't it tested earlier? Not that 'what if's' help of course... but doctors are starting to annoy me...

codemonkey

time2deal wrote: »

Are the bloods tests to see if there is a hormonal reason instead of the earlier surgery? Or could one be causing the other.

I wouldn't give up on donor sperm. DH may slowly come around to it once reality hits. But of course it has to be his choice.

Can I just say surgery isn't the godsend I was lead to believe it is!! I used to believe doctors could fix things for you, now I just think they mess them up in different and unique ways. I wonder was your DH told when he had that operation so many years ago that this was a risk, and if so - why wasn't it tested earlier? Not that 'what if's' help of course... but doctors are starting to annoy me...

The blood tests are to check testosterone levels but the FS said that because he has male pattern baldness and facial hair (he gets 5 o'clock shadow by lunchtime - our wedding photos show him all clean shaven in the morning, then with designer stubble during our first dance) it's probably not a lack of testosterone. They also want to check the chromosomes to see if there's a problem with the Y chromosome as well as cystic fibrosis.

The surgery was done when he was about 4 or 5 and it was unsuccessful too.

DH won't come around on the donor issue - once he's made his mind up, that's it. To be honest, I'm not 100% on it either.

Part_Mouse

Code im so sorry for you, im praying they can retrive some sperm for you.It seems so little to be sending hugs your way.

SewIt_2

Code - I'm very sorry to hear your rubbish news, how awful. Big hugs for you and DH. It is encouraging that they do still want to investigate what might be going on with you, and are willing to try to get some swimmers out of DH. They obviously don't think it is totally hopeless, though obviously it's not great. You've had a shock so take some time to absorb the info and to gather your strength. Maybe donor sperm is not the right route for you, but you are not at that stage yet so don't rule anything out. Xx

T2D - totally get what you mean. I used to think that ivf would fix us, but apparently not! Hugs x

Little me - sorry you feel so down. I 100% get what you mean about finishing another year in the same position. Actually it's worse as this year we have now been trying for two years and are one ivf attempt down. hope you feel better soon. X

MrsSippi - this is a long hard journey for your friend. And it really sucks !!! almost every day. If you feel you are not that close or it's too much, then please do step aside. You sound you were a great support to your other friends at a level that was right for them, so maybe this friend needs a level of support that you can't give. That's ok, but let your friend know and don't get annoyed with her after a day.

WW - how you feeling? Did embie two make it? X

Hi angel, hope you feel ok! X

RG - too true! I'd love to know when my time is, so I can relax in the meantime! How are you doing?

Loveactually

Hugs code, so sorry about the news you had.

I don't know what I can say. Just hope that you and your DH are taking care of each other through this tough day:grouphug:

Part_Mouse

Little me huge hugs for feeling blue, its another year over and so hard with no bfp.

vesper

Oh I am so so sorry code, no words I can say can help. But if you ever want to talk (also known as rant) just pm me.




Yup know what you mean partmouse. The look on the doctors face when we said we had been trying so long said it all. Apparently we are 'very brave' for having tried for so long, without seeking help. Also known as 'why on earth didn't you come earlier?'.

isla_red

So sorry for your news code. You must be having a hell of a day.

Totally agree with everyone's comments. I got home to a thank you card bearing the picture of my friends twins. 2.5 years on and nothing has moved on. Oh well.

Thanks everyone for the lovely hellos, will pen a summary for the list