The Trials & Tribulations of Trying to Conceive when its just not happening (12m+)

fluffnutter

Whattodonow wrote: »

People who change their FB profile picture to their child's face. I swear now never to do this.

Nah, scan pics are worse. Why on earth do you think the rest of the world is interested in the contents of your womb? Babies are OK but foetuses? Save it for the family

fluffnutter

littleme82 wrote: »

Hey everyone. Just had my follow up letter and invoice from the FS. Wow. We have always been led to believe that I'm not OV and DP is fine. According to FS that's utter BS.

He has looked over all our results and DP SA results show that be only has 10% grade A and B. 34% are grade C and 56% are grade D. Apparently this is because a hernia op he had 3 years ago could have caused potential infertility. We're absolutely shocked. FS still recommends a further 3 Clomid cycles. But says it would be IVF with ICSI.

I think I just want to curl up and cry. We've no chance of conceiving naturally. Hopes of 2 children need to be forgotten. We'll be lucky to get 1.

X

We had ICSI. We have one little boy and five more potentials in the deep freeze. It's not hopeless, you're just shocked, understandably so. The way I see it... you've been barking up the wrong tree so you didn't really have much of a chance. Now that you know what's really going on, the picture is very different indeed. And lots, LOTS more positive. Give yourself a bit of time and I promise you'll feel better.

littleme82

I guess it is going to take time - it just seems so much worse knowing that he is 90% down on the good ones. So with my ov problems we really are pretty useless between us.

Fluff - it is reassuring to know that ICSI works. Its like with anything in this life, you never think its going to happen to you.

DP is understandably pretty upset. He now feels like he's not a proper man. I said that it was not his fault he is one of the unlucky ones who has received a side effect from a hernia op.

Guess in a bizarre way it takes the pressure off somewhat. Going at it each month. We just have to enjoy the next 3 months and wait for the HSG in January and the FS next course of action. His letter was really lovely and it was definitely worth paying to see him.

SewIt_2

thanks for all the hugs ladies, they really helped.

LittleMe - sorry to hear that you've had a shock. GPs really don't know that much and what might look fine to them is not for a specialist. I know this won't help, but try and take some small comfort in that you now know why you can't get pregnant and have a good plan to move forward with. hugs though, its a big shock when it seems you have another hurdle to overcome.

PM - come on your follie! I have had every symptom and no symptoms around ovulation, so sore/tender nipples could be a sign or it could be nothing. Sorry I can't be more helpful!

On littleMe's point, does anyone get sad about the possibility of only having one child? I always imagined that we'd have two or three, very slim chance of that now! I think I'm struggling to come to terms with this too? anyone else? (even though I would be over the moon right now to just have one!!!)

xxxx

tea_lover

SewIt wrote: »

On littleMe's point, does anyone get sad about the possibility of only having one child?

Not anymore. The more remote even having one looks, the more the thought of anymore just doesn't occur to me anymore.

When we had ICSI they replaced 2 embryos and I was like "2?? 2 children?? Surely no one has more than one!?!?" Totally messed with my head lol.

fluffnutter

I'm with tea lover. I didn't even allow myself to dream of one, let alone more.

danielley

I fantasise that we will have twins and job done - 2 kids in one go!

Although I have been told (by a friend) that with IVF they will only put one fertilised egg in ... but I still hope

fluffnutter

danielley wrote: »

I fantasise that we will have twins and job done - 2 kids in one go!

Although I have been told (by a friend) that with IVF they will only put one fertilised egg in ... but I still hope

IVF techniques are becoming more successful, a single pregnancy is still less troublesome than multiples, hence there's a move to more and more cycles being single transfers only. However, that's still not the norm (AFAIK) and if you have two (or more) embryos and are comfortable with the prospect of twins, then two will be transferred. Depends on the clinic I guess (and also on maternal age - the younger you are the more likely they are to suggest a single embryo. Three is the maximum allowed by the HFEA but only if you're over 40).

My OH called twins BOGOF

fluffnutter

As an aside, your perspective changes. If I do it again I will definitely only have one transferred and take the risk that a pregnancy is less likely. Having had a baby, I know I wouldn't find twins easy. Furthermore, if it doesn't work I'll be heart-broken, of course, but less so than before because now I have Freddie. I don't understand people who say second time infertility is just as bad (or even worse) than first time infertility. Obviously it's extremely upsetting at any point to find yourself unable to conceive but if you already have one child at least you know what it is to be a parent. I can't possibly see how it can be as painful second time round. I think it's simply that they're feeling the pain of infertility, are shocked at how devastating it is and believe it can't get any worse (it can). I should also imagine it's extremely distressing to be told 'Not to worry, you already have one'. But, even so, you can't compare them.

However, if this was my first time again, I would take the risk and have two transferred.

time2deal

I am in a slightly different situation as I can't have twins. I suspect if it happened naturally I would be asked to choose (!). The surgery means I will struggle to carry one to term - let alone two. The expected gestation for post-trachelectomy patients is around 32-34 weeks before the cervix gives up. Pretty scary actually knowing what I would be risking.

But having said that I would love more than 1 child. I know it's crazy at this stage, but one of the reasons we are keeping our frozen embryos and looking to do another fresh cycle is so that we may have the option of having another kid. Either by me, or by a surrogate.

If, in a wild and crazy world, I got pregnant soonish - I would easily be 39/40 by the time I try again. With low AMH, and known problems it feels like using my own eggs wouldn't be possible, so having the embryos may give us this choice.

I'm one of 4 siblings. We have had our ups and downs over the years, but they are the most important people in my life still. We all still talk most days, and I'd be sad not to give that to my child. Of course, my close relationship will turn in many cousins, so I would make sure they became close. It's part of the reason to move back to Australia, I think as you get older I have realised that family are the key relationships that last forever.