The Trials & Tribulations of Trying to Conceive when its just not happening (12m+)

tea_lover

fluffnutter wrote: »

Furthermore, if it doesn't work I'll be heart-broken, of course, but less so than before because now I have Freddie. I don't understand people who say second time infertility is just as bad (or even worse) than first time infertility. Obviously it's extremely upsetting at any point to find yourself unable to conceive but if you already have one child at least you know what it is to be a parent. I can't possibly see how it can be as painful second time round. I think it's simply that they're feeling the pain of infertility, are shocked at how devastating it is and believe it can't get any worse (it can). I should also imagine it's extremely distressing to be told 'Not to worry, you already have one'. But, even so, you can't compare them.

I too think they're very different things. It's difficult - and I've been totally flamed on here for daring to suggest that. With a child you* have a family, you and your OH are parents, you have a nursery, a family-friendly car, you do the school run, have other parent friends, struggle through the sleepless nights... all of it. You have a purpose, you fit into what society thinks you should be doing with your life, you don't have to explain to people (often complete strangers) why you haven't had children yet.

Yes, it must be hard to desperately want to expand your family and know it isn't working, but to not have a family at all is just heartbreaking.

* Not 'you' anyone in particular, just a generic you.

ETA: my dad and OH's mum are both twins, so when they put 2 back (we didn't know it was an option till ET day) we really thought it was another sign that it was going to work.

time2deal

Littleme - special hugs for such tough news. It is so hard to find out. I remember when I found out DH had terrible results - 'likely to result in severe infertility' - I really struggled. It felt like the end of the world. But it had lots of good effects in the end.

It made it clearer to us the IVF was needed, and I think it brought DH into the process a bit more. I think he realised how much it was effecting me (I couldn't stop the tears) and that it was both of our problems, not just mine.

As an aside, it took us to IVF, which required a pap smear, which found my cancer while it was still at an early stage. Which was a silver lining (if finding cancer can be considered a good thing!)

tea_lover

time2deal wrote: »

As an aside, it took us to IVF, which required a pap smear, which found my cancer while it was still at an early stage. Which was a silver lining (if finding cancer can be considered a good thing!)

Well compared to evil lurking cancer it has to be a good thing :T

danielley

time2deal wrote: »

I am in a slightly different situation as I can't have twins. I suspect if it happened naturally I would be asked to choose (!). The surgery means I will struggle to carry one to term - let alone two. The expected gestation for post-trachelectomy patients is around 32-34 weeks before the cervix gives up. Pretty scary actually knowing what I would be risking.

My dealings with the hospital and consultant have opened my eys to the fact that medically speaking multiple births are considered a risk and not a blessing.

My sister has twins and she was induced at 32 weeks and they were in neo natal for 4 weeks after that so I know that I am silly for fantasising about having twins also (especially as they are so hard work - double trouble) but I think sense and sensibility is going out of the water for me as our wait continues.

Rowingirl

DH keeps hoping we'll have twins as our family will be complete. I'm hoping for a single baby as (to me) twins & triplets seem overwhelming. When we started TTC'ing I wanted 3 children but now I just focus on the next issue/step in the process. Having one baby would brilliant.

Big hugs Littleme - what a nasty shock. Your FS sounds brilliant and I'm glad he has a plan for you.

littleme82

Thank you all for your really kind replies. I have been copying and emailing some of them to DP to show that all is not lost - just will take a little longer and that IVF/ICSI can work.

My FS is brilliant. When we spoke to him last Thursday we were with him for an hour. He was clear, concise and ensured we understood everything. He looked over the results and did a follow up report all inclusive of the consultation fee.

He will also personally deal with the booking of the HSG and has told the doctor he will do the follow up of the results with us.

DP is struggling. I know he is trying to put a brave face on but this has come as a real shock.

x

littleme82

T2D - I didnt realise your cancer was found at the referral stages. I had my pap done last year (at the start of TTC) and it was ok thankfully. Thinking of you xx

tea_lover

Big hugs littleme. It is a huge shock. I was diagnosed with endo about 10 years ago and have had a lot of treatment and surgery since then. I was also diagnosed with PCOS about 5 years ago.

So when TTC wasn't happening for us we obviously assumed the problem was on my side.

When we got the first SA results back and they were about as low as you can get we were stunned. Totally not expecting that particular slap in the face.

It takes time to get your head around, and I think it's true that a lot of men really struggle to process this (my OH certainly does).

But, as the others have said, there are things that can be done and there's absolutely definitely still hope. But rest assured that it's normal to need some time to pick yourself up again after an unexpected blow.

Thinking of you both x.

Part_Mouse

Little me thinking you you.There is still lots of hope and things can and do turn around.

Well AFM my follice has grown to 15mm and lining is over 10mm looks like we will get the trigger shot on Thursday-Friday omg,

Rowingirl

:j That's fantastic part mouse