Contact with children - any SW 's on here?

duchy

dupe.....................

duchy

I've not seen any mention of how the OP thinks having herself and her husband and their child in its life would benefit this child ....only how it benefits them.

You're trying to control everyone ....probably because your marriage is still suffering from the aftermath of your husband's awful behavour to all of you (and I find it incredible he's not told you everything ......but maybe you preferred not to hear-I sincerely hope it is your choice and not his refusal)

To be blunt you'll make a not great situation worse if you bring a child your husband doesn't care about into the mix...not just for the child but for everyone.

Quizzical_Squirrel

Is there not a risk being created by attempting to insert your husband's former lover and their child back into his life.

If this is accomplished, you'll have this woman and her child in your life, in your husband's life for ever. Are you really sure you want that?

There they'll be, a ready made family, just like yours, all ready to go and your husband will have a foot in both camps. Feelings do change, they've already done so once and love and hate are two sides of the same coin.

duchy

alias*alibi wrote: »

That's your opinion and you are welcome to make it of course; however no-one, not even me knows what happened between them towards the end of their relationship. All I know is that it wasn't good and he, like her ex, had to duck a multitude of bottles/glasses being thrown at him when she lost her temper. And it's not about me wanting a 'perfect life' but to make things right; but you carry on reading between the lines and adding 2+2 and making 5.

Oh and as for your 'twisted family values'. So she didn't have these when she thought about having sex with a married man with a young daughter, no? She didn't have these 'twisted family values' when she turned her back on her step children, no? She still doesn't have these 'twisted family values' having a relationship with one guy, then finishing it with him to start a new one with a guy at my OH's work within days of one another, no? That child has already had the potential to call two men daddy in two years!!!! When I split with OH I kept my damn legs closed and pants firmly on until I was ready to meet somebody new. Not that I did in the whole 18 months as I valued my child's sanity more!! Thank you.

Maybe he cheated on her too ............. whatever happened he certainly doesn't want you to know so he probably isn't too proud of whatever it was.

I understand you're defensive but no-one implied you were dropping your knickers too (although you appear to be the only one who wasn't) but what on earth possessed you to take back a man who cheated and then refused to discuss it ........ surely you must spend every day wondering when he'll do it again ? Don't you think you deserve better from your husband ? He is the one who allowed himself to be "stolen" dumping you and his child and then dumped his pregnant lover. I'm not sure he'd recognise a family value if you hit him on the head with one !

peachyprice

alias*alibi wrote: »

I'll look out for me and my DD from now on.

I think that really is the best thing you can do now, make sure you and your DD always have security and put yourselves first.

BitterAndTwisted

alias*alibi wrote: »

What the heck are you on about?? He dumped which pregnant wife exactly?

Why am I now getting the blame for trying to put things right? !!!!!! have I done wrong that I shouldn't be allowed 100 miles near the child? I suggest you read the posts properly before making inaccurate statements.

What the heck I am on about it that the way you described the woman he left you for was absolutely vile. And that is the reason why I would resist any contact with either you or the wandering yo-yo of a husband with every fibre of my being! He's vile, you sound vile: therefore you both probably are, and attempting to insinuate yourselves into her child's life is sinister and selfish. That's why I wouldn't let either of you within a hundred miles of my innocent child.

BitterAndTwisted

Incredible person? That halo of yours is going to need rather a lot more buffing......

the_becoming

alias*alibi wrote: »

Of course I feel I deserve better; I think about the situation a lot. But for fear of banging the same drum we got back together for the sake if our DD who was struggling with the split. If that makes me a sucker then so be it but I think that makes me an incredible person to do that for my DD so she doesn't have a single latent household like I did.

This is awful, nobody will ever thank you for playing the martyr card, least of all the daughter you are trying to protect! Leave the decisions about the baby to your husband, it really is none of your business and you will do more harm than good trying to push him into contact because you think makes you look good or in some way benefits your daughter.

I really feel for you, this man has treated you and OW (who can't be all that bad if he saw fit to dump you and his daughter for her) just appallingly. I hope you get back on track with your marriage if that is what will really make you happy. Single parent families can however be infinitely happier than living in a resentful bitter atmosphere.

GwylimT

OP, getting back together for the children is a bad idea, children need happy and content parents, parents in unhealthy relationships are none of those things. When a parent accepts cheating they are teaching their children that cheating is normal, history repeats itself, think about it, what sort of relationships do you want your little one to have?

OP, you hold resentment for your husbands ex which is understandable, however if your husband had left you while pregnant and then ignored his child for two years how would you feel if he then demanded to be part of their life?

duchy

alias*alibi wrote: »

Of course I feel I deserve better; I think about the situation a lot. But for fear of banging the same drum we got back together for the sake if our DD who was struggling with the split. If that makes me a sucker then so be it but I think that makes me an incredible person to do that for my DD so she doesn't have a single parent household like I did.

I suppose it depends if he does it again or not ..........
Frankly the fact he hasn't been 100% candid with you and is keeping secrets doesn't bode well.

Hopefully by staying with him you're not depriving your daughter of a fantastic stepfather who believes in honesty and fidelity.

I wish you luck and hope you listen to the advice about making sure your priority is always yours and your daughter's financial security. Just in case your husband doesn't think you are as incredible as you think you are and wanders off again .