Contact with children - any SW 's on here?

burnoutbabe

no idea on contact but I'd be insisting on an DNA test and going on the birth certificate, just so thats all covered. That doesn't mean contact is needed but at least the daughter will know who her dad is later on.

LannieDuck

OP, I think your recent post is very sensible.

By almeans support your OH if he wants to initiate contact, but ultimately the decision needs to come from him. He's the one who's going to have to maintain a relationship with his daughter for the next 16 years.

Good luck.

Strapped

alias*alibi wrote: »

Hi all and thanks for all your messages.

I've slept on it and think the majority are probably right. Maybe I'm wanting this more than my husband; I'm trying to make things right but of course it could end up in disaster. I'm sure our DD would dote on a little sister but I do have niggles that she might actually hate having to share her dad and hate having a sister who would need more attention when with us due to her age. Then of course actually having to speak to the child's mother who I totally anticipate to be hostile. I'm a little sad about it all, would liked to in a perfect world made it alright but I think there's too many cons for it to work.

Whitewing; I do work for social services but not child protection. I've worked in a variety of establishments and know how families can tear each other apart, like my own family, and working day in and day out hearing things makes you think !!!!!! sort your lives out, which is why I thought get our own house in order if you like. I was going to ask SW's at work but decided to keep my private life out of work life, hence my post on here.

I still think its a good idea for OH to have a DNA test just to be sure. As I said she's now seeing a guy who works at the same place as my OH whom she was really pally with before and after my OH... so you never know 100%. At least that's one thing we can resolve.

Thanks again .

What does SW stand for?

Acc72

Strapped wrote: »

What does SW stand for?

I read it to mean Social Worker ?

duchy

I find the fact the OP hasn't according to her properly discussed the relationship with her husband implying he's refusing to discuss it and her wanting a"perfect life" to be concerning . I think less burying and more talking ...possibly with Relate involved would be more appropriate.

duchy

I do agree with Fay that had a man treated me and my child as badly as your husband treated them and then rocked up two years later not because he had any concern for the child but because his wife wanted him to look the good guy and because she herself had bad past experiences .......it'd be a cold day in hell before I let my child anywhere near such twisted family values.

BitterAndTwisted

She might be a tramp with few moral scruples but she's the woman he felt so much for at the time that he dumped his pregnant wife for her. I think that says rather a lot more about yo-yo man who can't keep his pee-pee in his pants than it does about her.

If I were she I wouldn't let either of you within a hundred miles of my child.

CH27

She may be without morals but so is your husband. They made a good pair IMO.

FBaby

Your last post makes it clear that you still hold a massive grudge against this woman and still very judgemental toward her. You can't welcome her daughter in your life and think that you would be able to keep it away from the child. Having her in your life is more likely to cause damage to her than the good it could do to build a relationship with her dad.
You still have a lot to resolve and I still think you are letting your husband get Away with murder by not talking about it.

peachyprice

alias*alibi wrote: »

And it's not about me wanting a 'perfect life' but to make things right

The problem is, it's not your wrong to put right, and no amount of coercing your husband into having contact with the child unless he is 100% committed to building a lasting relationship with her is going to put it right for anyone else but you. And sorry to say, within their little triangle they have created you are the least important person.