Contact with children - any SW 's on here?

alias*alibi

Deleted.....

UKTigerlily

Hi, i'm no expert but would the CSA know? If he's paying CSA to her they surely must know where she is? They wouldn't tell you but would have to tell the courts or official people i'm sure? AFAIK she can't stop him from having access unless there was good reason such as he was a sex offender etc so that shouldn't be a problem. She can suddenly say he isn't the Dad & then he'd have to undergo DNA tests but again if he is then shown to be the Dad I don't think she'd have a leg to stand on. I think with an older child their feelings are taken into account but at 2 she'd probably be too young to ask.

I don't have any kids myself so don't take the above as 100% correct but i'm sure some will be along soon that know exactly where he stands

Tiddlywinks

Is your OH's name is on the birth certificate?

You need to get some proper legal advice.

By the way, she didn't 'steal' your husband... men do have minds of their own and make their own choices. He is just as much to blame for this situation as she is.

Person_one

You can't really blame her for being angry. He left her when she was heavily pregnant and was completely adamant he didn't give a damn about the child and never wanted to see her, so you can't expect her to be over the moon about him swanning back into their lives years later and expecting a warm welcome!

How did he get in touch? What did he actually say to her?

I think you'll probably need a solicitor.

cheepskate_2

Stop the CSA, I'm sure she will contact you quick enough.

Why has your husband not got DNA on the child, certainly would not be paying if didn't know it was my child

peachyprice

After a reaction like that I think I would be asking for a DNA test. Why isn't his name even on the birth certificate?

The child being the product of an affair is not a reason for the father to be denied access, she's either lying to your OH or has lied to her solicitor, either way unless it has been to court and your OH has had the chance to give his side of the story she cannot arbitrarily decide he's not allowed to see the child.

CH27

Why is he paying CSA without a paternity test?

FBaby

As everyone said, why didn't he ask for a paternity test? How can he be so sure? In any case, she has some guts making these comments when she had no problem going straight to the csa to get money from him.

Saying that, it's been two years now. What triggered the desire to have his daughter in his life? This is not about curiosity, or wanting to see what it is like. He, and therefore you to some extent, need to be absolutely certain that you are prepared to have this child in your life in a fully committed way. It might sounds like a good idea now, but will it still be in x months, when the child screams to come to you, cries for her mum, shows no interest in her siblings?

What he needs to think about is his daughter. She doesn't know him, and might be calling another man daddy. Either way, it would be a trauma to suddenly build a relationship with a man she doesn't know, especially with a mother who clearly doesn't want that.

So before he considers any further move, I would recommend you two go and speak with a specialist to understand the legal, financial, and more importantly psychological impact of taking things further, and doing so properly. If you two are committed to all the stress, loss of money, the initial (at least) disinterest (at best) of the child, then I applaud you as no doubt long term, it would be best for the child to build a relationship with her dad.

Person_one

I find the paternity test suggestions a bit 'off'.

From the OP's previous posts there is no reason to suspect the child isn't his, she was conceived while they were living together, he had left his wife to start a relationship with her. I'm sure the OP didn't expect to have to prove paternity with her own daughter!

FBaby

Personally, anyone prepared to have a child with a man who has just left his wife and not yet divorced would bring some level of suspicion about what they might have been up to. I would rather be 100% certain.

whitewing

Perhaps there is a small possibility of it being her former partner's child. Maybe she is so against contact, not just because her lover went back to his wife but because the child doesn't look like him?