Contact with children - any SW 's on here?

**Patty**

Why does he not have PR?

I thought it was granted automatically after dec 2003?

CH27

alias*alibi wrote: »

Thanks for all your replies. We have put the question to her why is she happy to take OH's money each month but deny him a relationship with her and more importantly the two girls being denied a sibling relationship. She didn't answer and went back to ranting and raving and calling him sick in the head.

The interest isn't sudden; I've tried to approach it for a whole but OH has always said no because he couldn't handle the stress of him trying to control another part of his life. I said if you don't do something soon it will too late/harder for both girls to accept and what happens when she comes looking for you in years to come.

Anyway; I know the OW has had a few relationships since my OH so doubt the child is calling anyone daddy and if they are its abit inappropriate given the newest relationship is only 5 months in. We know this because she is seeing another bloke my my OH works and you know what gossip is like.

I dunno; really want us all to do the right thing but I know it's going to be a battle. She's obviously scared and anxious that he will get contact but unless she somebody else step parent adopts that child then surely OH has some rights. No he isn't on birth certificate, doesn't have PR and no paternity test but has to provide support for a child that he really doesn't know 100% is his and she is denying him any access.

Guess 30 minutes free with a family lawyer is needed.

Says who?..

Tiddlywinks

So who is shown as dad on the birth certificate? Father unknown?

I feel sorry for the child if that is the case.

**Patty**

alias*alibi wrote: »

Only if married I think.

No they don't have to be married anymore.....but it is automatic IF he is on the birth cert... (which in your case he's not)

He can acquire it.....but the mother has to give consent.

http://www.yourrights.org.uk/yourrights/the-rights-of-children-and-young-people/parental-responsibility-and-childrens-rights/aquiring-parental-responsibility.html

CH27

alias*alibi wrote: »

CSA when they first got in touch 2011. He's paid it religiously; a lot of people say why hasn't he found out for sure that he's the father but at the time he was in a bad place and had no fight in him.

Well he needs to get a paternity test ASAP.

marisco_2

Person_one wrote: »

I find the paternity test suggestions a bit 'off'.

Why? The other woman had an affair with the OPs husband. You would have to be more than a tad naïve, to place unquestionable trust in someone who has proven they are out to satisfy their own needs above other peoples. What is to say she was always faithful to him? He would be stupid not to insist on a paternity test in my opinion.

The child's mum seems to only want this guy involved in their child's life in a financially supportive capacity. That isn't a mother taking the best interest of their child into account. The little girl has rights to know her mum and dad and to form strong, loving relationships with them both. OP my advice is to contact a solicitor, establish for certain if the child is your husbands and if so take legal advice and guidance on how to go about establishing contact. The child's mum does not hold all the cards.

Tiddlywinks

alias*alibi wrote: »

Thanks; given the nature of her emails that isn't going to happen. Men don't have many rights do they unless they jump through lots of legal red tape.

But, to be fair, he wouldn't be in this position if he had shown some responsibility in the first place.

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

So who is shown as dad on the birth certificate? Father unknown?

I feel sorry for the child if that is the case.

alias*alibi wrote: »

I guess so, I honestly have no idea.

I am amazed that your OH didn't want to find out the answer to this question... does he actually care about that child?

In your previous thread you said several times that he wasn't interested in ever seeing the child... I can kind of see if from the mother's perspective to be honest.

sulkisu

peachyprice wrote: »

After a reaction like that I think I would be asking for a DNA test. Why isn't his name even on the birth certificate?

your OH has had the chance to give his side of the story she cannot arbitrarily decide he's not allowed to see the child.

Unless the parents are married the father has to be present when the birth is registered to be included on the birth certificate, and if I remember the story correctly, (his side of the story) he went back to his wife when the OW was heavily pregnant. Then for the rest of the pregnancy and first year or so after the birth wanted nothing to do with her or the child. TBH I don't blame her for being !!!!ed off, I am surprised that so many posters seem to think that she is the bad guy here.

Of course the fact that he couldn't keep it in his pants, abandoned a pregnant woman and turned his back on his child, does not mean that he should lose all contact forever, but it makes it easier for the child's mother to raise doubts about the wellbeing of her child if he is allowed back into her life. If the father of my child walked away from us, I would be hard pushed to let him have a second go at 'playing daddy', and 'yes', despite that I would still want and expect him to pay for the child that we had created.

Ballabriggs

marisco wrote: »

The child's mum seems to only want this guy involved in their child's life in a financially supportive capacity. That isn't a mother taking the best interest of their child into account. The little girl has rights to know her mum and dad and to form strong, loving relationships with them both. OP my advice is to contact a solicitor, establish for certain if the child is your husbands and if so take legal advice and guidance on how to go about establishing contact. The child's mum does not hold all the cards.

Just playing devils advocate here, but maybe the mother doesn't trust the father to be a consistent presence in her daughters life. To be fair he started an affair with the mother when he was married to someone else and left her at the drop of a hat when he changed his mind again, so he doesn't have a great track record here. And before people jump on me saying her behaviour wasn't good, she didn't make the marriage vows to the OP to be faithful. I'm not condoning her behaviour but just giving another perspective.

Rather than talking about his rights, maybe we should focus on the rights of the child to have a stable family life rather than emotional turmoil. Yes, children have rights to know their mum and dad but maybe she's too young to be exposed to the situation yet as everything is still very raw. Might be doing more harm than good.

The OPs husband still sounds wispy washy about regular access and more concerned about forking out money and rights than the actual emotional well being of the child. The OP seems to be more of a driving force in this than him. While having a loving relationship between the siblings would the absolute ideal and would be great, this may not be realistic and I think the husband needs to take his share of the responsibility in creating the situation where this might not be possible.

OP you still sound very angry at the 'other woman' and understandably so, but don't forget what created this situation. It's not a straight forward step family situation. The mother may be worried about her daughter having contact with you and what you might say to her or treat her. I'm not saying you're a bad person by any means at all, but from her perspective she probably thinks you hate her so why would she want her daughter to spend time with you?

You also say that your OH has changed in the last two years but to be fair how does she know that? She doesn't, she only has her experience of him walking out on her heavily pregnant as her frame of reference.

sulkisu

marisco wrote: »

Why? The other woman had an affair with the OPs husband. You would have to be more than a tad naïve, to place unquestionable trust in someone who has proven they are out to satisfy their own needs above other peoples. What is to say she was always faithful to him? He would be stupid not to insist on a paternity test in my opinion.

The child's mum seems to only want this guy involved in their child's life in a financially supportive capacity. That isn't a mother taking the best interest of their child into account. The little girl has rights to know her mum and dad and to form strong, loving relationships with them both. OP my advice is to contact a solicitor, establish for certain if the child is your husbands and if so take legal advice and guidance on how to go about establishing contact. The child's mum does not hold all the cards.

He didn't want anything to do with the child. People can change but he seems to be changing his mind a lot - wife, mistress, wife, not interested in the child, interested in the child...all in the course of a few short years.

She may not hold all of the cards, but his actions especially regarding the child, have given her a pretty strong hand. He could have gone back to his wife and still been there for the child. He chose to turn his back completely. What if he changes his mind again? Especially now that the child is older. It's the mother that will have to pick up the pieces.