Don't know what to do

HPoirot

Yoshi2 wrote: »

How dare you! :mad: I didn't copy anything from any websites. I came here because I have nobody else to talk to. Mum is stuck in the same position as me, knowing that I don't want to go, but that granny is so bossy. Then there's my good auntie, but she can't go against granny because she lives with her. My other aunts aren't nice people.

I have more to do with my time than copy stuff off some website. Keep your nasty untrue comments to yourself!

What have you decided to do OP? Are you going ahead just to keep on the safe side of granny? Do you realise that your granny is an abuser in her own right if she is forcing this on you in the way that you have described?

I think that both you and your granny need to move into the 21st century, while I might agree that in her time and culture elders were able to control what a 29 year old did or said, this is far behind us all now. You are doing yourself further harm by worrying about what granny and aunties will say and they clearly do not care for your wellbeing at all.

busiscoming2

I wonder if at sometime in the past your father found out something about your Granny and so has a hold over her or blackmailing her so that she 'makes' you do her bidding?

I don't know why you have to see him. You owe him nothing. Don't go. Granny will get over it and good Auntie will just have to deal with the fall out. She obviously knows what he is like and will be expecting Granny to be 'upset'.

Don't waste the rest of your life doing the bidding of others.

Yoshi2

Mojisola wrote: »

And you are willing to meet up with this thug again because granny will cry if you don't?:(:(

See, its not normal crying, she gets all worked into a whole state. Sometimes if she gets stressed she would take a seizure, so if I do anything that makes her upset, and she happens to take a seizure, even a couple of days later, even if its just a coincidence, they will blame me.

paulineb_2

Yoshi2 wrote: »

How dare you! :mad: I didn't copy anything from any websites. I came here because I have nobody else to talk to. Mum is stuck in the same position as me, knowing that I don't want to go, but that granny is so bossy. Then there's my good auntie, but she can't go against granny because she lives with her. My other aunts aren't nice people.

I have more to do with my time than copy stuff off some website. Keep your nasty untrue comments to yourself!

Your mum should be supporting you. There is no way my mum would ever allow me within a million miles of someone who had abused me, bossy grandmother or not.

Seriously if what you are saying is true, the pair of you need to grow a pair and tell granny to sod off and then get some counselling to repair your self esteem.

And if you dont think I have experience of domestic violence or abuse, believe me I do, but there comes a time when you need to stand up for yourself.

Whats the worst granny can do to you if you dont go and see this abusive man?

Cut toxic people out of your life, then you might have a better and happy one and if you cant do that, get some professional help to enable you to get stronger.

If he wants to give you a card, let him post it and then get on with your life without him. And tell granny, its none of her business and you'll do what you like on your own birthday.

paulineb_2

Yoshi2 wrote: »

See, its not normal crying, she gets all worked into a whole state. Sometimes if she gets stressed she would take a seizure, so if I do anything that makes her upset, and she happens to take a seizure, even a couple of days later, even if its just a coincidence, they will blame me.

And if your dad harms you because you do go?

Sorry, its time you cut ties with granny until she can stop playing drama queen and having so much influence over your life.

Let her have the bloody seizure, sorry. No one makes someone cry and work themselves up into a state because grand daughter wont meet abusive dad so she can get a card off him

You are just looking for reasons why you should go, as someone said earlier. Someone hurts you physically, stay away from them, that is the bottom line.

HPoirot

Yoshi2 wrote: »

See, its not normal crying, she gets all worked into a whole state. Sometimes if she gets stressed she would take a seizure, so if I do anything that makes her upset, and she happens to take a seizure, even a couple of days later, even if its just a coincidence, they will blame me.

Would it be the end of the world if they blamed you? How about blaming them for forcing you to give in to a miserable thug?

Mojisola

Yoshi2 wrote: »

See, its not normal crying, she gets all worked into a whole state.

Sometimes if she gets stressed she would take a seizure, so if I do anything that makes her upset, and she happens to take a seizure, even a couple of days later, even if its just a coincidence, they will blame me.

They can blame you but it wouldn't be your fault so don't accept the blame.

Granny is behaving like an out-of-control toddler - if she can't get her own way, she has a massive tantrum but it's her choice to have it. At her age, she should know better.

HPoirot

Stand up for yourself OP, manipulative behaviour like your granny's is so outdated it is almost outlawed. It never did any good to anyone. If she wants to have a seizure then she can have one, all you need to think of is to protect yourself especially if no one else will.

Yoshi2

I think maybe I'll have to negotiate something a bit more on my terms, if you could even call it that. If I can get the date of the meeting brought forward so its not hanging over me so long, and if I choose the place, then that takes a bit of control off both of them. I can go to a public place that I know is safe.

I will tell granny that I will meet him, but only for her, but on the condition that she agrees not to suggest any more meetings/phone calls/letters to him. She's that keen for me to meet him, she should agree. So that should be the end of it.

Re a couple of posts some people have made, I don't think he could possibly have anything over granny. She always likes to do things 'properly' so wouldn't have got up to anything she shouldn't have.

Mojisola

Yoshi2 wrote: »

I will tell granny that I will meet him, but only for her, but on the condition that she agrees not to suggest any more meetings/phone calls/letters to him. She's that keen for me to meet him, she should agree. So that should be the end of it.

If you can stand up for yourself enough to say no more meetings after this one, why not go the whole hog and say no meetings at all?