Other girl texting and calling my bf... what would you do??

System

She's not the problem.... the problem lies with you and your boyfriend.

spacey2012

In your head, you have a thought, a nagging of what you think is really going off here.
All this gets surrounded by deception and lies and excuses and other people telling you you are paranoid.
My advice is listen to the thoughts, hand on heart can anyone stand up and say they got it wrong when they had doubts.
You think he is "at it" or you would not seek advice.
You have not come here, to have us tell you you are right, you know you are right, you come here because you fear you are right and want people to re-assure you.
You know what is going on, take some time to have a meeting with yourself and decide if you want to face up to it.

Acc72

vix84 wrote: »

The reason this is a problem i have already caught him out emotionally cheating a few years back which almost put an end to us

Please forgive my ignorance, but what does this mean ?

Amanda65

Honestly OP? I would trust your instincts on this one - been there (ignored the signs as paranoia) and got the t-shirt.

paulineb_2

The bf isnt doing anything behind her back, he calls and says that hes going for a drink with this girl. The OP also has a male friend who she regularly texts, the OP's bf has several other female friends.

Rather than just suggest that this man is having an affair, I wonder why the OP moved in with a partner that she doesnt trust.

tinkerbell28

Also op, you've made the mistake of thinking it is about looks. You see a lot of people have affairs and move on to someone much less attractive.

He's done it before, he is doing it again at least emotionally for now.

What people blaming you don't realise. Is if he's the type who has no emotional boundaries, which it sounds like.

THEY are the ones who stop giving, not the partner at home. The person "cheating" gets all excited with the constant contact, the butterflies waiting for the text, the excitement of secret drinks. Like you do at the start of a relationship.

They then stop communicating with their partner, walk all over their feelings, lying and start using the new friendship as their outlet, prioritising it over the main relationship. Which he's doing now.

You can't stop this, if a person doesn't have the boundaries, to say "whoahhh I'm crossing a line here". They will always go for the "new" excitement if someone fawns over them, than come home to a long term relationship.

Which considering he's done it before, he sounds that type.

Ya know what's going on here. You aren't some mad bunny boiler who has ousted all his female friends.

He's latched onto a colleague with whom he has daily contact anyway, then drinks, then constant phone contact. He lies about it. Yes that's your fault because you will get mad right? As you've said you don't like the contact, so he has to lie. Not his fault for spending more time talking to her than he does you? If it were me, I'd be giving him his marching orders tbh.

Who actually wants to speak to their colleagues everyday, on top of work AND works drinks most nights. Really?!?!? I can't believe people think you're paranoid.

Person_one

Acc72 wrote: »

Please forgive my ignorance, but what does this mean ?

It usually means for falling head over heels for someone else, but not crossing the line into physical cheating.

Acc72

tinkerbell28 wrote: »

He's done it before, he is doing it again at least emotionally for now.

I am not sure how you come to this conclusion ?

I asked what "emotional cheeting" is - and I guess that in reality it is one of those subjective things that mean different things to different people.

In this case, what matters is the OP's meaning of this, and we do not know what that is or what actually happened.

Acc72

Person_one wrote: »

It usually means for falling head over heels for someone else, but not crossing the line into physical cheating.

But how do you fall "head over heels" for somebody without meeting them, going out on "dates" etc. etc.

We do not know what heppened in this case and we do not know the OP's definition of "emotional cheating".

Person_one

Acc72 wrote: »

But how do you fall "head over heels" for somebody without meeting them, going out on "dates" etc. etc.

We do not know what heppened in this case and we do not know the OP's definition of "emotional cheating".

No, but we'll just have to trust her.

Its usually completely obvious to be honest.