Other girl texting and calling my bf... what would you do??

FBaby

You feel the way you do because your instinct is telling you that something is not right, and the reason why you are focusing on her rather than your man is because you instinct is telling you that she is up to something.

You are probably right, instincts are powerful and shouldn't be dismissed, especially when you are clearly not a paranoid or jealous person. The problem is that whereas you can feel she is up to something, your man clearly isn't, and the more you try to share your feelings, the more he will think you ARE paranoid and jealous, to the point where he will start talking to her about you, she will play the understanding friend and before you know it, they will be together and it will be your fault because you pushed him to it with your accusation. She will then be here and say that her and him never got together when he was still with you....

All you can do is back off as what you are doing now will only make it worse. In the end, if he was to get with her, nothing you will do will change that. It is safer to insure that he is happy with you so that even if she does start make a move and he realises what she is up to, he will still want to be with you anyway and will tell her to get lost.

It's a dreadful situation to be in and I feel for you. Of course, there is always the possibility that she really wants nothing more from him than his friendship, but I tend to be cynical about this as 'normal friends', when in a relationship with someone else, unless they've known each other for many years and it is habit, don't contact each other every day for everything.

barba

Carry on like this and you'll lose him for sure

paulineb_2

vix84 wrote: »

My bf doesnt want us all to go on a double date because he thinks i will cause trouble... also i forgot to mention, her bf also has an issue with the whole things so its not just me! so the 4 of us going out for cosy drinks is out of the question. And yes, i dont trust my bf but i also dont believe in walking away, i believe in working on things and so does he and i believe trust can be regained if both parties work at it.

You dont trust him, why are you with him

You arent working on things at the moment though, this isnt helping

The bottom line is, if hes going to go off with her he will do it regardless and cause a fuss and you might just drive him straight into her arms

FBaby

vix84 wrote: »

My bf doesnt want us all to go on a double date because he thinks i will cause trouble... also i forgot to mention, her bf also has an issue with the whole things so its not just me! so the 4 of us going out for cosy drinks is out of the question. And yes, i dont trust my bf but i also dont believe in walking away, i believe in working on things and so does he and i believe trust can be regained if both parties work at it.

Well he is wrong and getting all together is exactly what he should support to prove to you that nothing is going on at all. Yes, it might be a bit awkward for the first minute, but a few drinks down the line, it could all be over with, and you could then start appreciating yourself as couples rather than individuals. The fact that he is so reluctant to do it is not bearing well I would think.

ska_lover

vix84 wrote: »

My bf doesnt want us all to go on a double date because he thinks i will cause trouble... also i forgot to mention, her bf also has an issue with the whole things so its not just me! so the 4 of us going out for cosy drinks is out of the question. And yes, i dont trust my bf but i also dont believe in walking away, i believe in working on things and so does he and i believe trust can be regained if both parties work at it.

how long ago was it he cheated?

edit - Oh I have just re-read and realised he emotionally cheated. Maybe he is one of those guys who needs different people in his life for different things. Are you two generally on the same wave length, can you be yourselves around each other, can you tell each other the truth about things, even if they make you appear less than perfect etc. If he is repeatedly EMOTIONALLY cheating, then he maybe isn't getting all he needs from your relationship for some reason

If this colleague was a guy, would it be emotionally cheating then? If you feel sure there is nothing sexual going on between him and the girl at work, then it should be no different to a guy friend..i.e not much to get pent up about?

Sorry, in my last post I didn't realise his prior cheating was emotional, I would try and simmer down a bit and stop going on about it for a while, then suggest drinks etc, as you know what they say about keeping your enemys close etc..it would perhaps help to meet her in a social setting

FBaby

pinkshoes wrote: »

Either you trust your boyfriend or you don't.

If you do, then stop mentioning this girl all the time!

If you don't, then break up and move on!

This leaves me puzzled. Trust is rarely black and white. Trust is something earned, tested, lost. When trust is tested, it doesn't mean the relationship is over. It means there is something that gets in the way to test it. As OP stated, she believes that when it does, you work together to regain that full trust.

ska_lover

barba wrote: »

Carry on like this and you'll lose him for sure

That's not helpful, this woman is clearly distressed! how silly

ska_lover

paulineb wrote: »

You dont trust him, why are you with him

You arent working on things at the moment though, this isnt helping

The bottom line is, if hes going to go off with her he will do it regardless and cause a fuss and you might just drive him straight into her arms

Whilst that does sound harsh, this is a valuable point

paulineb_2

FBaby wrote: »

Well he is wrong and getting all together is exactly what he should support to prove to you that nothing is going on at all. Yes, it might be a bit awkward for the first minute, but a few drinks down the line, it could all be over with, and you could then start appreciating yourself as couples rather than individuals. The fact that he is so reluctant to do it is not bearing well I would think.

I think a night out with the 4 of them wouldnt help matters at all

Its not going to be an average night out, it would be awkward.

She has an issue with the friendship, so does the bf, plus the OP clearly doesnt like the other woman, why would she want to socialise with them?

I dont think people should be tested, if the OP hasnt got over what happened a few years ago, she needs to look at the reasons why.

FBaby

I dont think people should be tested, if the OP hasnt got over what happened a few years ago, she needs to look at the reasons why.

The OP is worried at the moment because she sees what could possibly be the future, ie. her partner with whom she's shared her life for years potentially falling in love with another girl. They started as friends, but clearly have gone one step further by confiding emotional things with each other. It is being realistic to be concerned that the next step will the one too far. It is also not unrealistic to think that it is not too late and that if he backs off at this stage, he might avoid the falling in love with her and still be very happy with OP, never having realised what he might have missed on.

As it's been stated, it might be inavoidable that it will happen if it is meant to happen, but when it is the person you love deeply who you might see being taken away from you, you do indeed take any step to try to make it not happen. Unfortunately, the one OP is thinking of would definitely not help.