Other girl texting and calling my bf... what would you do??

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Person_one wrote: »

Have you ever had any counselling Jojo? You've been through a lot.

Tried it, P1. The woman just irritated me. Lots of 'do you understand this? Yes? Well can you pretend you don't and fill in a (badly photocopied) sheet with (poorly drawn) cartoons on it anyway?'

In any case, I don't hold with the notion that you're a victim. Somebody who describes themselves as a victim or survivor is defining their entire existence in the terms of what somebody else did to them. I'm not a Victim. I'm a musician.

Best therapy was getting rid of the dead weight, doing the music and being free to determine my own life for the first time. Including having friends and now, a boyfriend who doesn't check my phone or tell friends to back off because he doesn't trust me. Ok, I still get the moments of self doubt from all the crap from the past, but they're getting fewer and further apart.

One of the worst feelings was knowing the ex thought I was some cheap slapper who would inevitably screw any man I communicated with, and that he thought I had no worth to anybody as a friend; they had to be only interested in sex.

justme111

Haha , I recognise the last one. (being sure other than sex no man would be around ). They judge others by themselves, ie they would not be around you if mo sex so they think nobody would.
P1 , having been married to a drunken jealous type is not what I would have called "being through a lot". People lose perspective.if they think it is a lot.

Person_one

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Tried it, P1. The woman just irritated me. Lots of 'do you understand this? Yes? Well can you pretend you don't and fill in a (badly photocopied) sheet with (poorly drawn) cartoons on it anyway?'

In any case, I don't hold with the notion that you're a victim. Somebody who describes themselves as a victim or survivor is defining their entire existence in the terms of what somebody else did to them. I'm not a Victim. I'm a musician.

Best therapy was getting rid of the dead weight, doing the music and being free to determine my own life for the first time. Including having friends and now, a boyfriend who doesn't check my phone or tell friends to back off because he doesn't trust me. Ok, I still get the moments of self doubt from all the crap from the past, but they're getting fewer and further apart.

One of the worst feelings was knowing the ex thought I was some cheap slapper who would inevitably screw any man I communicated with, and that he thought I had no worth to anybody as a friend; they had to be only interested in sex.

Its just that, your posts on this thread read more like a personal blog.

I hate to play armchair psychologist, but I just wondered if you might be in need of something more than a forum to express all this. After all, its not really about the OP or her situation.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Person_one wrote: »

Its just that, your posts on this thread read more like a personal blog.

I hate to play armchair psychologist, but I just wondered if you might be in need of something more than a forum to express all this. After all, its not really about the OP or her situation.

It's still giving an idea of how it could feel to somebody faced with a partner getting particularly antsy about having contact with someone, that they aren't trusted, that messages should be sent to warn the other person off, and that they are being assumed to be unfaithful or helpless or defensive/guilty when they tire of questions and comments.


After all, if everybody replied and said 'oh, no, he's definitely going to have an affair, you have to put your foot down now' and the next post from the OP was 'I put my foot down and now he's walked out', that wouldn't exactly help, either.


I've made loads of poor choices in my life (who hasn't?); I'm fairly open about them because keeping secrets gives them power. Some of those things were absolutely my fault, some entirely outside my control and some a mixture.


But one thing I do know is that you can't control somebody else. Eventually they have enough and go; they either have or don't have an affair; they either drink or they don't. Trying to control somebody else either directly or through influencing people around them doesn't work - they will do what they will do.

tayforth

OP - I really don't know what to say, except that I feel for you. You're clearly very upset, your instincts are telling you that something is not right.

1. What do you want from this relationship? Do you feel that your trust in this man has been eroded to the point where you can't be with him?

2. If you do still want it to work, have you thought about what approach to take?

3. Are you prepared for the possibility that, regardless of what you do, he may leave?