Other girl texting and calling my bf... what would you do??

Mojisola

vix84 wrote: »

Im too scared to even bring it up now as he just gets angry...

Any relationship where one partner is "scared" to discuss an issue is on very rocky ground.

aileth

Female intuition is a very strong thing. If you get a weird feeling from her, but not from any of his other female friends, trust it.

If he refuses to put your relationship above this friendship with a woman you have a bad feeling about, I'd be feeling very, very vulnerable and would be wondering how much he actually is bothered about your relationship.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Person_one wrote: »

I'm glad you're happy, but I don't understand how any of your posts are supposed to help the OP...

It's the view from the other side of the fence - how it might feel to the other person, who may have absolutely no intention of sleeping with anybody else, but begins to feel insulted and disrespected as a result of continued pressure from their partner's lack of trust/potential obsession with one friend.

Person_one

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

It's the view from the other side of the fence - how it might feel to the other person, who may have absolutely no intention of sleeping with anybody else, but begins to feel insulted and disrespected as a result of continued pressure from their partner's lack of trust/potential obsession with one friend.

I think you're talking about a very different fence, your situation is not the same as the OP's.

justme111

Person_one wrote: »

I think you're talking about a very different fence, your situation is not the same as the OP's.

How do you know . Peoples perceptions are very subjective specially on highly emotive subjects , what op has proved by calling posters idiots. May well be that jojo's ex could have.written a vert similar post in his time , all depends what side of the fence one is on ... In op' posts I have seen enough to think she may well be not that absolutely right in her interpretations ...

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

justme111 wrote: »

How do you know . Peoples perceptions are very subjective specially on highly emotive subjects , what op has proved by calling posters idiots. May well be that jojo's ex could have.written a vert similar post in his time , all depends what side of the fence one is on ... In op' posts I have seen enough to think she may well be not that absolutely right in her interpretations ...

His would have been something along the lines of 'we've been together for years and everything's been perfect. But now, she's got into music and has started to go to gigs and play in some. She's got these 'friends' who I've heard about but only met some of them. I hate all the ones I've met, and she now says theres no point in me meeting anybody else, as I'll just want to start a fight with them. She even left me at one gig for five minutes and when I went looking for her, she was talking to one of them just near to the door to the ladies. Obviously, I made a point of telling him I knew what he was up to and to stay away from her. But that's just friendly advice, not a fight

There seem to be a lot of men's phone numbers on her mobile and when I've checked it after she's gone to sleep, she's sent messages to some or they've sent things telling her they're worried about something. When I started bringing up their names and why she's got their numbers, she didn't see anything wrong with it.

But I've seen photos on her Facebook and she's smiling and obviously not coming straight home after she's finished playing. She is even wearing makeup in some of them. And a couple of times, she's told me that she's been walked home by somebody to 'make sure she's safe' or 'to help her carry equipment'.


I've sent some messages to these men, telling them to leave her alone. Last time I tried checking her phone, she'd put a code on it and when I tried putting the SIM in her old phone, the startup screen came up with 'you had better not be checking my phone again'.

I even made jokes about how she had all these men after her and that she must be going to meet one when she made an excuse that we had no cat food on a Tuesday morning, or when she had her hair cut, but she didn't find it funny for some reason. And then she wouldn't tell me everybody who went to one of her gigs. She said that, not only did she not know everybody there, I'd only kick off anyway.

I just don't understand why she gets so annoyed with me - all I'm doing is checking her phone, her Facebook, her email, wanting to know who she sees and what she's doing and to cut all contact with all these men.


That's not unreasonable, is it?'


And my ex's hypothetical op would equally get replies saying she's obviously having an affair, you need to put a stop to this now, it's completely wrong what she's doing.

justme111

He would not be writing that , jojo. He would not have said he been left "for 5 mins", he probably would have said "she does enjoy their company more thanine and i feel sidelined".( Which is actually sad) I hope people understand it is not about jojo or op , nothing personal , its about how completely different spin can be put on almost anything ... Specially on a bit tricky situation as op has . Where I can understand how not right it is for her bf to ignore her upset and growl at her for trying to make him leave his bone while on another hand op can be seen as overstepping the mark for trying to remove that bone in the first place. The guy obviously gets something if that interaction and she objected to it, imagine if someone tried to take away from you something that brings you pleasure , specially by trying to instill the feeling of guilt into you for shortchanging whoever is opposing to that pleasure ..

jellyhead

If you've not long moved in together could it be that you have different opinions on how much time you should be spending together? Perhaps he's always gone for drinks with people after work?

I don't think her looks or 'type' are relevant really, or at least they wouldn't be for me or most of my friends. It's more about feeling happy - looks aren't important to everyone.

I don't think you should message her. The problem is between you and him.

I think joining them for a drink might be a good idea. Perhaps you'll like her, and maybe get a gut feeling that she isn't after more than friendship with him.

In your situation I'd want to meet her, I'd want to see how they were together and if there was an atmosphere, if that makes sense.

I hope you get things sorted out xx

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

justme111 wrote: »

He would not be writing that , jojo. He would not have said he been left "for 5 mins", he probably would have said "she does enjoy their company more thanine and i feel sidelined".( Which is actually sad) I hope people understand it is not about jojo or op , nothing personal , its about how completely different spin can be put on almost anything ... Specially on a bit tricky situation as op has . Where I can understand how not right it is for her bf to ignore her upset and growl at her for trying to make him leave his bone while on another hand op can be seen as overstepping the mark for trying to remove that bone in the first place. The guy obviously gets something if that interaction and she objected to it, imagine if someone tried to take away from you something that brings you pleasure , specially by trying to instill the feeling of guilt into you for shortchanging whoever is opposing to that pleasure ..

Actually, he did say 'FIVE MINUTES! You were supposed to be going to the toilet, not talking to Anybody. You LEFT ME ALONE!'

Illustrating your point precisely, it's only sad without the context that he turned out to be an alcoholic with such control issues that I would have him screaming in my face 'who is it this time? Who is it?' When I dared to leave the house when he was unconscious on the kitchen floor. At 11.05am.

But most of the time, he just did the sneaky, passive aggressive stuff. Harder to react with a 'stuff this, pack your bags' when it's just comments or whining or checking text messages.

Person_one

Have you ever had any counselling Jojo? You've been through a lot.