Were/are your second children anything like the first?

FBaby

I'm getting confused with the direction of this thread. You started this thread asking if you could have a very difficult second baby. Now you are making a point that you were not an anxious mother. Are you trying to say that you think that's the reason why your DD was easy? If so, why are you worried? Because you are now more anxious than you were then?

Or are you saying that whether a baby is demanding or not has nothing to do with how anxious you are, therefore you can't be guaranteed to have another easy baby? But would that unknown be enough to decide not to go ahead?

I think I strangely forgot to mention that the main trigger for me to decide to have another child was so that my DD wouldn't be an only child as I was. Yet I knew that they was a possibility that they wouldn't be close enough and DD would end up wishing she never had one. As it is, my hopes came true so far as they are extremely close and supportive of each other, so got another nightmare baby but one that would always be there for my DD.

I now remember your other thread too and therefore confused as most of your posts was about how exhausted you were because your DD is very demanding. Are you saying she was an easy newborn, but now a demanding toddler?

notanewuser

FBaby wrote: »

I'm getting confused with the direction of this thread. You started this thread asking if you could have a very difficult second baby. Now you are making a point that you were not an anxious mother. Are you trying to say that you think that's the reason why your DD was easy? If so, why are you worried? Because you are now more anxious than you were then?

Or are you saying that whether a baby is demanding or not has nothing to do with how anxious you are, therefore you can't be guaranteed to have another easy baby? But would that unknown be enough to decide not to go ahead?

I think I strangely forgot to mention that the main trigger for me to decide to have another child was so that my DD wouldn't be an only child as I was. Yet I knew that they was a possibility that they wouldn't be close enough and DD would end up wishing she never had one. As it is, my hopes came true so far as they are extremely close and supportive of each other, so got another nightmare baby but one that would always be there for my DD.

I now remember your other thread too and therefore confused as most of your posts was about how exhausted you were because your DD is very demanding. Are you saying she was an easy newborn, but now a demanding toddler?

Not really. I have found the last 3 months of being DD's sole carer (mostly) pretty exhausting. Kudos to single parents.

It's not that she's particularly demanding, certainly no more than her friends anyhow. It's that I find it difficult. It's quite far from my comfort zone. I can do intense, high powered jobs with no issues. I find being with a curious, intelligent, full-of-beans toddler 24/7 exhausting. My sister calls her (lovingly) The Energy Sapper. And that's when we've both been there for 2-3 days. That's somebody that works 12 hour police shifts.

That's part of it. If I find an easy child so exhausting a more challenging one might send me over the edge!

notanewuser

Ps - other posters have changed the direction of the thread by throwing in quips about previous posts of mine. I did just wonder whether lightning had struck twice for anybody!

Lunar_Eclipse

notanewuser wrote: »

If I find an easy child so exhausting a more challenging one might send me over the edge!

Quite possibly.

And also, from my personal experience, one child was a piece of cake (and I've already said DD1 didn't sleep) but I found two children exhausting (and my second one was easy!)

As they have grown, I swapped physical exhaustion for mental exhaustion. As a general rule, I believe girls are more mentally exhausting and boys more physically exhausting in the early years.

I also think easy girls are very easy on the scale of normality here. Whilst I really don't want to put you off, you need to be prepared for the fact that some babies are born with disabilities, hyperactivity etc. But on the flip side, it's wise not to overthink such things and keep a positive outlook that you will cope with whatever you have.

notanewuser

As I've said, I'm 99.99999999% sure I won't be taking the risk!!!

FBaby

We cope with everything, but indeed, if your DD has been very easy so far, you might find it harder now she is older than a mum whose baby was demanding a lot of energy from the start. It's not just about how you can cope individually with the demand of another child, but also how it can affect your relationship. So I can understand why you would be concerned.

To be honest, my husband and I considered having a child together and did get pregnant but miscarried, but as we were trying again and nothing happened, we also at the same time became more and more tired and the prospect of looking after a baby became scarier and scarier. I was massively broody and ignored it, but gradually, as we had to accept that nature was not on our side, I also became more realistic about whether we could cope happily with another baby. The reality is that I don't think we would have, at least not without hardship. It got to the point where our desire for a baby became less than our concern about how we would cope. We have now totally turn the page and in many ways, it is a relief.

However, we are older than you, and I already have two children, so we might have been at a different stage in life than you and your husband.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Nope. The eldest never slept for more than about two hours at a time, screamed incessantly, was picky about food and generally very quiet and shy, always avoiding confrontation at all costs. And mere breathing or glancing in her direction would lead to her eyes snapping open and her being awake for the rest of the day.

The youngest came out yelling her head off and can still start an argument in an empty room. She ate pretty much everything, slept through the night from about 5 weeks and you could knock the house down around her and rebuild it in the central reservation of the M25 without her noticing.

The eldest was barely understandable in her speech until she was about 6. The youngest's speech was clear as a bell from nine months; I suspect she learned to talk early purely for the purpose of being able to argue more effectively.


The eldest was easy in that she never argued or was naughty. The youngest was easy in that you felt you were being spoken to by someone much older/smarter than the tiny person perched on the top of the freezer to get her up at your level/out from under your feet whilst cooking.



Both love music and art. Both say they aren't that confident. The youngest hides it much better. The youngest is more perceptive about people.



I love both girls dearly.





Where there's a big age gap, I think, having been around a little one recently, you forget just how intellectually and physically demanding they can be.

But, just because they're just like you at this stage, it doesn't mean they will always be just like you - and even if they are, that can mean that you both know what buttons to push to get a reaction when they get older and want to be just like themselves, not their Mum. They aren't you, they're people in their own right and at some point, they will start to make that known.


What all kids need is the knowledge that, whatever or whoever they choose to be, they are guaranteed unqualified, unconditional acceptance. of their right to be their own person and not merely an extension of their parents.

notanewuser

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Where there's a big age gap, I think, having been around a little one recently, you forget just how intellectually and physically demanding they can be.

But, just because they're just like you at this stage, it doesn't mean they will always be just like you - and even if they are, that can mean that you both know what buttons to push to get a reaction when they get older and want to be just like themselves, not their Mum. They aren't you, they're people in their own right and at some point, they will start to make that known.


What all kids need is the knowledge that, whatever or whoever they choose to be, they are guaranteed unqualified, unconditional acceptance. of their right to be their own person and not merely an extension of their parents.

I agree totally with you. I don't want DD to be a mini-me. She is given opportunities to do anything and everything so that she can find her own path, as I was.

Missme

Who is nagging you OP? If you characterise it in that way, maybe you've had as many as you should.

I have 4. All different except in their wakefulness at night. Apparently I was the same. All hyperemeretic pregancies from conception to ejection!

It's ultimately the mother's choice. Don't want another, don't have another.

notanewuser

Missme wrote: »

Who is nagging you OP? If you characterise it in that way, maybe you've had as many as you should.

I have 4. All different except in their wakefulness at night. Apparently I was the same. All hyperemeretic pregancies from conception to ejection!

It's ultimately the mother's choice. Don't want another, don't have another.

Its not so much nagging as repeated asking. DH, in laws, my sister, friends, mums at nursery etc. It's a bit waring, that's all.