Were/are your second children anything like the first?

poet123

Person_one wrote: »

This is partly why I don't have children. I'd be one of those parents who stays up for three days straight watching them like a hawk to check they're still breathing! I think I'd actually lose my mind!

I can't believe any first time parent doesn't do that. I slept with one eye open for years, just got them fully closed again and the eldest hit the going out years.....and it was back to square one, only this time I was waiting for the key in the lock.

Lunar_Eclipse

notanewuser wrote: »

So, is it possible to get more than 1 easy baby in a row?!

Yes, although I didn't.

DD2 was easy, in that she was a happy baby who slept apart from waking for feeds. All she did was sleep and eat for the first 3 months and as a toddler she happily entertained herself. She followed DD1 who wasn't easy; she didn't sleep anywhere near as much as she should have (ie hardly at all during the day from the day she was born) and had bad reflux. She wasn't necessarily difficult though.

Now that they are 12 & 13, the oldest is by far my easiest. DD2, the placid baby/toddler gets bored very quickly, doesn't like her own company much any longer (always has to be doing something fun with others) and is more challenging to parent (she's stronger willed.)

I actually think those who are easy as babies/toddlers become more difficult and vice versa, from what I have seen. Given the choice then, I would take a difficult baby/toddler over the alternative any day of the week; it's so much easier in the long run!

notanewuser

applecrumble24 wrote: »

Fair enough, but as a first time mum to a difficult baby I was a wreck.
I was prepared for the practicalities of parenthood but not the emotional rollercoaster and, among my friends at least, that's not uncommon.

I worried constantly and blamed myself about everything e.g not sleeping, crying etc and was at the doctors with the first sign of a cold. This time round i'm a lot more relaxed about things, thats all i'm saying.

I turned 33 2 days after DD was born. I had seen enough close friends have babies to realise that life was going to be very very different. I was prepared for that. I didn't bow to the expectations of others at the expense of what we needed. If I was still in my pyjamas at 2pm - so what? DD wore babygros for 6 months. I didn't try to get her into a routine. We coslept. I fed on demand, (and food once she was over 6 months). DH worked away from 1 month to 9 months and was working away when I was pregnant. I did what we needed and bu99er everybody else, even if that was sleeping all day and playing all night and turning visitors away. My mother was neurotic enough for both of us (from 5k miles away). DD has seen the doctor once, for a rash which turned out to be a non-specific viral rash. I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of doses of calpol she's had in her almost 3 years.

I didn't buy any books. I don't subscribe to any 1 form of parenting. I do what she needs me to do. I'm usually very calm and measured with her. Perhaps that's why she's never thrown a full on tantrum. I don't spoil or pander to her, or shout and threaten her. I don't push or compare her directly to other children. I offer gentle encouragement in the things she shows an interest in. I don't see her as belonging to me. I'm lucky just to get to love her and be with her as she learns about herself and the world.

She's a lovely little girl, and I'm a very lucky mummy.

notanewuser

poet123 wrote: »

I can't believe any first time parent doesn't do that. I slept with one eye open for years, just got them fully closed again and the eldest hit the going out years.....and it was back to square one, only this time I was waiting for the key in the lock.

DD slept through her first night from hospital (she didn't register hunger because of mucus in her tummy which took a few days to clear). I spent a couple of hours watching her, slept for a couple of hours, woke up to pump (nothing there but sending the signals DD couldn't), slept a bit more etc. I knew I'd be no good to her tired the next day. She was right next to me so I'd have woken had she had any problems.

poet123

notanewuser wrote: »

I turned 33 2 days after DD was born. I had seen enough close friends have babies to realise that life was going to be very very different. I was prepared for that. I didn't bow to the expectations of others at the expense of what we needed. If I was still in my pyjamas at 2pm - so what? DD wore babygros for 6 months. I didn't try to get her into a routine. We coslept. I fed on demand, (and food once she was over 6 months). DH worked away from 1 month to 9 months and was working away when I was pregnant. I did what we needed and bu99er everybody else, even if that was sleeping all day and playing all night and turning visitors away. My mother was neurotic enough for both of us (from 5k miles away). DD has seen the doctor once, for a rash which turned out to be a non-specific viral rash. I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of doses of calpol she's had in her almost 3 years.

I didn't buy any books. I don't subscribe to any 1 form of parenting. I do what she needs me to do. I'm usually very calm and measured with her. Perhaps that's why she's never thrown a full on tantrum. I don't spoil or pander to her, or shout and threaten her. I don't push or compare her directly to other children. I offer gentle encouragement in the things she shows an interest in. I don't see her as belonging to me. I'm lucky just to get to love her and be with her as she learns about herself and the world.

She's a lovely little girl, and I'm a very lucky mummy.

Not sure I follow your train of thought here we were discussing normal parental anxiety at being in sole charge of a newborn, not bowing to the expectations of others (whatever that means). I never felt any such pressure, I wanted to be organised and in control for me. I never stayed in PJ's till 2pm unless unwell, why would that be necessary with one child? I can count on one hand the doses of Calpol all my four sons combined have had....but again that isn't a benchmark, we have been lucky they didn't need it.

Your child is three, there is a long road ahead and from your other posts it doesn't seem to me to be as idyllic as you have painted it here.

notanewuser wrote: »

DD slept through her first night from hospital (she didn't register hunger because of mucus in her tummy which took a few days to clear). I spent a couple of hours watching her, slept for a couple of hours, woke up to pump (nothing there but sending the signals DD couldn't), slept a bit more etc. I knew I'd be no good to her tired the next day. She was right next to me so I'd have woken had she had any problems.

Mine all slept beside us too, but I still did not go into such a deep sleep when they were babies as I had prior to having them.

notanewuser

poet123 wrote: »

Not sure I follow your train of thought here we were discussing normal parental anxiety at being in sole charge of a newborn, not bowing to the expectations of others (whatever that means). I never felt any such pressure, I wanted to be organised and in control for me. I never stayed in PJ's till 2pm unless unwell, why would that be necessary with one child? I can count on one hand the doses of Calpol all my four sons combined have had....but again that isn't a benchmark, we have been lucky they didn't need it.

I wasn't in the slightest bit anxious about being in sole charge of a newborn. There. Simple enough for you?

poet123 wrote: »

Your child is three, there is a long road ahead and from your other posts it doesn't seem to me to be as idyllic as you have painted it here.

She's not 3 yet!!

Does nobody else have ups and downs then? I do find DD exhausting when it's me providing her sole care with no family around. I don't deny that, nor do I think it's that unusual.

(Have lost 2 old friends in the past fortnight in tragic circumstances. It's really made me appreciate what I have, and have a more positive outlook. Also getting a few health issues looked at (slowly, thanks NHS)).

poet123 wrote: »

Mine all slept beside us too, but I still did not go into such a deep sleep when they were babies as I had prior to having them.

I do! There have been nights when I've sworn I've been woken by DD only to discover that it was DH that went to her and I didn't even stir! :rotfl::rotfl:

poet123

notanewuser wrote: »

I wasn't in the slightest bit anxious about being in sole charge of a newborn. There. Simple enough for you?

Simple enough yes, but very unusual, doubly so given your recent posts which evidenced a lot of anxiety and angst.

notanewuser wrote: »

She's not 3 yet!!

Does nobody else have ups and downs then? I do find DD exhausting when it's me providing her sole care with no family around. I don't deny that, nor do I think it's that unusual.

(Have lost 2 old friends in the past fortnight in tragic circumstances. It's really made me appreciate what I have, and have a more positive outlook. Also getting a few health issues looked at (slowly, thanks NHS)).

Everyone has ups and downs, but forgive me, the other thread was slightly more than that, which is why other posters have alluded to it here and why you responded so snappily I suspect.;)

The picture you have painted above does not gel with that and really, looking after one child with parental help available if needed, is not that arduous.

I think your last sentence means that you have realised what some of those on that thread were saying,that we all have issues to cope with, obviously some more than others.

notanewuser wrote: »

I do! There have been nights when I've sworn I've been woken by DD only to discover that it was DH that went to her and I didn't even stir! :rotfl::rotfl:

Excellent.

delain

notanewuser wrote: »

I do! There have been nights when I've sworn I've been woken by DD only to discover that it was DH that went to her and I didn't even stir! :rotfl::rotfl:

Jammy! My OH generally digs me in the ribs so I end up getting up even though I need more sleep than he does :mad: I think there was an error somewhere and I was meant to be a sloth....

To be fair he will get up with all of them on weekend mornings so I can sleep in

DD4 was a lovely peaceful baby but can be very demanding now she's three (worse when she's bored as she's quite bright)

DD1 was a peaceful quiet baby but has fallen out of the hormone tree now and being very trying

applecrumble24

notanewuser wrote: »

I turned 33 2 days after DD was born. I had seen enough close friends have babies to realise that life was going to be very very different. I was prepared for that. I didn't bow to the expectations of others at the expense of what we needed.

I work in a Children's Centre and have seen countless new mums and their babies. Anxiety in first time mums is completely normal and quite common. I'm glad you didn't experience it, but the above post sounds like you feel that was down to your choices and behaviour, and while that may well have had a part in it, i'd say it was mainly down to luck (on the age thing btw, statistically older mums are more likely to be anxious).

QUOTE=notanewuser;63284441] DD has seen the doctor once, for a rash which turned out to be a non-specific viral rash. I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of doses of calpol she's had in her almost 3 years.[/QUOTE]

Surely you can see that's just circumstance though? My son had an infantile convulsion brought on by a high temperature when teething. After that, I gave him calpol at the first sniff of a temperature as instructed by my doctor. I've lost count of the number of doses he's had in his nearly three years.

QUOTE=notanewuser;63284441] I'm usually very calm and measured with her. Perhaps that's why she's never thrown a full on tantrum. I don't spoil or pander to her, or shout and threaten her. I don't push or compare her directly to other children. I offer gentle encouragement in the things she shows an interest in. I don't see her as belonging to me. I'm lucky just to get to love her and be with her as she learns about herself and the world.

She's a lovely little girl, and I'm a very lucky mummy.[/QUOTE]

Some kids tantrum, some don't. Luck of the draw. Obviously parenting technique can effect the frequancy and severity but in the end each child is an individual and it's down to them.
My son has thrown some cracking tantrums, he's also a kind, loving and very funny little boy and i'm very lucky to have him:)

applecrumble24

sorry, don't know what happened with quotes there, i'm on my phone..