Is OH being 'greedy'?

lostinrates

FBaby wrote: »

Exactly, but they don't have to be all on OP's part.

Agreed, they don't all have to be all on op 's part. But neither do they all have to revolve around her oh being denied satisfaction!

krlyr

Any wrote: »

He is an adult for crying out loud

That's the crux of the issue to me too.

There are several legitimate reasons he may want to eat more than he's given. He's not had a large enough portion, he's using food as an emotional crutch, he just has a thing about eating until all the food is gone (my stepdad's very much like that - if there's leftover food when we've got for a meal there, he will dish it out to everyone until it's gone, rather than freeze it for a lunch or extra dinner) and so on. So the act of eating more food than he's served up is not really the issue.

However, the fact that he knows it's not just 'leftovers', it's his OH's lunch, and that he then decides to eat it anyway is the issue IMO.

If OP didn't cook extra supper for her lunch, but say she made a sandwich in the evening and put it in a sandwich box with some fruit and other bits in the fridge for the next day. If she kept coming down in the morning to find her sandwich box empty, would that be acceptable?

He is an adult, fully capable of asking if there's any extra going spare, or asking OP to cook larger portions, or cooking/buying his own extra snack if he anticipates being hungry. He is not a child who doesn't think of the consequences of their actions - you might expect a teenager to be a bit more selfish helping themselves to extra dinner without considering others, but an adult should be capable of thinking of his OH too, especially as it's not a one-off.

BugglyB

lostinrates wrote: »

Agreed, they don't all have to be all on op 's part. But neither do they all have to revolve around her oh being denied satisfaction!

Denied satisfaction? Is he incapable of using a saucepan? Is he allergic to a supermarket?

I think the problem is you are totally responsible for what everyone in the house eats with little input from him. He has to play the infantalised role of eating whatever is around and you have to play the maternal role of providing it/rationing it.

If you can't get him involved in planning meals, shopping and cooking (or if you refuse to give over that control) can you at least have a chalkboard where you detail what you will all be eating, so everyone has some responsibility for making sure there is food around for the next day?

lostinrates

BugglyB wrote: »

Denied satisfaction? Is he incapable of using a saucepan? Is he allergic to a supermarket?

I think ?

Its certainly one of the solutions we use here. I don't eat two or three week days and my resident parent cooks for himself those days. Other days one of the others cooks for all of us. However, it Still tends to be more my job to meal plan, shop and budget. If its not working, we" d change. We have changed temporarily when it hasn't worked.

Sometimes people get proprietory about the kitchen, certainly sounds like that might be an issue in op.

System

If it was me i'd open the fridge whilst he was in the kitchen with you and sarcastically say. "I guess I wont be eating tomorrow then". I'd do this a few times if it continues but if he still takes no notice i'd say.

"In case you get hungry later, i'll ask you not to eat whats in that dish because i'm having it tomorrow for my dinner, its the same as what you've had today but I want mine tomorrow!"

Are there other foods he can eat if he's hungry?

Dunroamin

FBaby wrote: »

But it doesn't have to be. It isn't for us and yet it is essential that we have 'us time' too. We prefer it to be later when we are chilled out and able to put the day behind us. I personally don't like to eat with other people because I feel I can't concentrate as well on what I eat AND the conversation. I think it encourage to shuffle down your food without appreciating it and appreciate how much you've consumed. It is just fortunate that we both feel the same. There is no right or wrong.

We're pretty chilled out by 8.30 and the day is definitely behind us!

splishsplash

If this happens regularly and stresses you out every time, then try doing things differently. You've identified a situation where you feel your needs/rights are being ignored yet you continue to set up perfect conditions for repeat performances - leaving 'your' meal in the cooking pots and thinking 'he should know' to leave it. Have a read. 'tis interesting what we do to ourselves.

Easy way out of this - cook for three, not two. Portion yours off and put it away. Tell him yours is to be left. Offer alternatives? What about soup as a starter and something sweet after? Is he eating regularly earlier in the day?

In our house, leftovers are in the pots and pans until we're finished eating and are fair game. Only when the meal is over are the leftovers put away (a rare event, it has to be said). Any meals for the freezer or next day are part of the initial serving up, otherwise there wouldn't be any left!

I agree with those who say he could do with checking in with his GP - weight loss + increased appetite = need for investigations.

Dunroamin

herand wrote: »

Not every bases their socialization around eating, as it may not be convenient or just that comfortable... some people like to eat what they want in peace afterall.

You can lounge about with each other watching TV or something, just because you don't eat together doesn't mean it's a bad relationship.

Did I say it meant that?

Although, in the current situation, it does seem to be the case.

Mojisola

meritaten wrote: »

OH knows that I don't eat heavy meals after 6.00pm. he loves a 'substantial' supper at about 8.00pm, so normally I cook for him then leave mine til the next day and warm it up for my lunch.
I have noticed that lately he will get himself 'seconds' leaving either a very small portion or nothing!

he just takes stuff - he doesn't ask if I need it or want it - he is getting really selfish lately and I don't like it.

The first time he did it, did you say "You've eaten what I'd put by for my lunch tomorrow"? If you've said that every time it's happened and he's still doing it, I'd be angry.

Kayalana99

End day of what he shouldn't or should be eating...or whether hes full or has a medical condition...

It's just disrespectful and not caring about the fact other people are in the house. OH takes lunch to work and no end of times I have fancied having that last packet of crisps or choclate bar...but I don't because I know OH will need it for his lunch.

He wouldn't kick off at me if I did or be grudge me for it...but I suppose its not same when you've cooked a meal from scratch and want to be able to get the benifits of it to something he could just buy at a vending machine.

If the potions aren't big enough after you've had a meal have a snack - don't eat the rest of the meal meant for your OH as thats basicly her 'reward' for cooking the meal in first place!