Is OH being 'greedy'?

krlyr

persa wrote: »

Btw, am I the only person who doesn't think seconds are normal? They either indicate a very greedy person (in which case, the OP's OH would be gaining weight, not losing it) or an inadequately sized meal.

I don't think the OP's OH should be eating "leftovers" at all, I think he should have one (bigger) meal to start with.

I do agree with you, even as someone who will have seconds (but as you say, not normally - generally I aim for getting the portion sizes right for us or purposely making a bit extra with the intention of having it for lunch. Sometimes it's just so tasty or hasn't hit the spot and lunch becomes seconds!

FBaby

I expect the point of this thread is not so much about looking at solutions specific to this matter, it's OP expressing her frustration with her OP selfish attitude. I would expect this is only one issue amongst others. Usually, when people react selfishly in regards to one aspect, they do with other things to. This one was the top of the iceberg for OP. At least I hope that is the case, because if this is the only thing her OH does selfishly, it would be right getting angry when there are easy ways to solve that particular issue.

dibuzz

persa wrote: »

Btw, am I the only person who doesn't think seconds are normal? They either indicate a very greedy person (in which case, the OP's OH would be gaining weight, not losing it) or an inadequately sized meal.

.

No, it's not just you.
My mum has a strange habit of always leaving a bit of whatever in the pan "in case someone wants more" then moans when it's wasted. Its never enough for a full meal so not worth saving at that point. Unless there's enough to save for another meal I just put it all on the plates.
My kids prefer to have "afters" if they are still hungry but it's not very often.

duchy

I never cook with expectations of seconds been needed either. I dish up enough for the people I'm cooking for . To me the only people who eat seconds are school kids having a school dinner. A lot ofit is how you were raised and meal expectations .

paulineb_2

Or how hungry you are. Everyone has different appetites. Some people aren't that interested in food. Some people have very active jobs and they'll need more calories. Tbh in this situation if I were trying to control my weight I'd probably be cooking different food for myself anyway. Or at least lesser portions. I'd expect that a woman on a diet could eat half or a third of the calories of someone who is male and not dieting depending on size. I think there's too many different scenarios that could account for eating a lot and not gaining weight.

paulineb_2

Also, this weight loss hasnt been sudden, hes lost a couple of stones in a few years, having cut down on pies, chocolate etc.

Tbh, Im not sure that cooking a meal and leaving some of it for lunch the next day is a good idea in this instance, particularly when you know hes going to eat a lot for his supper. Have you considered making a big batch of food and then putting it into containers and freezing it. If theres way more portions being cooked, theres no way someone is going to try and eat all of it when you get ten portions out of it, you serve some, you put the rest into dishes and you freeze as much as you can.

Expecting people to leave a little for you to take to lunch isnt possibly the best way.

What impact is this having on your food budget? How much do you pay for the food, does he pay a share and you pay the same? Of course its realistic that if you share the bill you also share the food, but if he really is eating a lot more then why not say, ok, I'll buy more of this or that, but we'll split the shopping 60/40 for instance.

And tbh, if it was causing so much strife, Id take a sandwich to work and let people finish the pot, because its really not worth arguing over a curry is it?

Or another way could be to increase the portions of the carbs he has with the curry or other dishes, give him extra rice, or extra chips or mash or fajitas, depending on what you are making so that the main meal gets touched less but he's got more rice or pasta etc to fill him up.

People are going to have varying appetites and if food is there and its tasty, then some people will want to eat it.

Dunroamin

FBaby wrote: »

I expect the point of this thread is not so much about looking at solutions specific to this matter, it's OP expressing her frustration with her OP selfish attitude. I would expect this is only one issue amongst others. Usually, when people react selfishly in regards to one aspect, they do with other things to. This one was the top of the iceberg for OP. At least I hope that is the case, because if this is the only thing her OH does selfishly, it would be right getting angry when there are easy ways to solve that particular issue.

You can equally say that when someone reacts unreasonably they have more issues than appear on the surface.

What I can't understand is why, if this change has only happened recently (as the OP says) she isn't worried about her husband's health or weight rather than seeing his behaviour as a personal affront.

maman

Why is it that these boards never fail to amaze me?

I suppose we all make assumptions about how people live and this is certainly one I've never come across before. OK, there are times when people work late or get held up and the rest of the family eat without them but for that to be the norm seems very odd to me.

In response to the original question, it would seem that OP's husband is being thoughtless/selfish but the situation is very odd. As with many seemingly basic questions in threads there seems far more to this than whether he's greedy or not. This sounds like a relationship lacking in give and take. We eat at about 7.30 most days but, for example if I have an evening class, we'll move the meal forward for both of us.

The norm for us is to serve up the food at the table. If I want some for the next day I'll serve up a portion beforehand and put it in the fridge. If it's, say, a chicken I'll carve as much as I've planned for us to have for that meal and put the rest in the fridge. Everything that's on the table (in casserole or serving bowls) is up for grabs. If I do plate up in the kitchen then I'll say while we're eating, 'there's more mash or whatever if anyone wants it'.

Over the years I know pretty accurately how much we'll eat at any meal. OP says she does but it seems it's not working any more. It could be that her OH is unwell or it could be some sort of 'protest' at the way they're living. IMO they need to have a conversation.

lostinrates

FBaby wrote: »

If HE changes his eating habits, then HE needs to do something about it, either eat something else or tell OP that his appetite has increased and would she mind doing more. Assuming that she will make all the adjustment herself to suit him IS being self-centered.

I don't necessarily agree.

It depends who prefers what role and why. As I say, here I 'naturally' do more cooking, though we all do some its primarily my role. I'm certainly the only one who meal plans or budgets (something that works ok for us....I'm also the only one here full time).

I DO agree there is a communication issue. I think that is a theme in most relationship threads and, whilst I don't want to be personal or raise old ground I am particularly aware that OPs partner might be...trepadatious about broaching a subject with her. She has described significant discord before.

FBaby

Dunroamin wrote: »

You can equally say that when someone reacts unreasonably they have more issues than appear on the surface.

What I can't understand is why, if this change has only happened recently (as the OP says) she isn't worried about her husband's health or weight rather than seeing his behaviour as a personal affront.

Totally agree with that, which is why I feel there is more to how OH feels towards her OH than just the issue of him eating her food.