Is OH being 'greedy'?

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Emotional hunger/binge eating/compulsive eating means eating in an attempt to change your feelings. It has absolutely zero relationship to whether you've actually had sufficient protein, fats, carbs or nutrients.

No amount of food can fill that empty feeling. Because the eater isn't hungry, they're interpreting other emotions as being hunger and trying to fix them in an ultimately inappropriate manner. Just as getting drunk, taking drugs, having an affair, gambling, driving too fast, becoming obsessive about an activity or closing off emotionally can never solve the uncomfortable feelings - it might give a temporary escape, but the person underneath is still the same and the problems will not be solved that way.

jjj1980

I might not be liked by many for his response but..........I can totally understand where the OP is coming from.

Although I'm more with her OH on the eating fresh made/not reheating leftovers, I used to get very annoyed with my ex husband over his eating habits.

He was one of the type that would just eat whatever was in the cupboards/fridge etc until there was nothing left. On a couple of occasions, he would open a six packs of crisps and just eat all the six packets just because they were there.

I always cooked large meals, plenty of filling parts to them, there was always extra unplated and he would go back and eat hose as well. He was not putting weight on and would just get very nasty with me if I ever mentioned anything.

Two occasions that really stick in mind are:

1. One Sundays, I was preparing full Sundays lunch and he made two sandwiches, had two packets of crisps, half a packet of biscuits, then the full Sundays dinner then ate three large chocolate puddings. Then carried on eating till bedtime. Then spent all night complaining of a bad stomach! His own bloody fault!!

2. Whilst pregnant and suffering with high BP, I was finding if I ate soon before my appointments, it brought my BP down slightly. I was buying packs of teacakes to make one each morning as it was he only thing I could stomach. The cupboards and fridge always had food in for him to eat but I was continually finding each morning that he had eaten the available teacakes through the night. I ended up having to hide them. He knew that they were the only thing I could stomach early on a morning and ate them despite this and having enough of the food he liked in the house.

If I was telling OP, I would be saying that I will be cooking my meal for 6pm, with enough spare for his later meal and lunch the next day. This will be left in the pot and he gets half of what is there. If he prefers to eat later and freshly made, the meal made at 6pm will be just enough for my meal and next days lunch which he is not to take any of and he cooks his own fresh meal at the times he wants.

I have no issues with people deciding for themselves how they jobs at home but for me, two adults are more than capable of each cooking heir meals or taking an equal share of the cooking if a meal is to be shared. Same with other chores, washing can all depends done at once, same with dryer but each do their own ironing.

paulineb_2

Shes trying to lose weight, hes not, theres already a big difference in what they will consume calorie wise

Having a good appetite isnt necessary a sign something is wrong. I like my food, Im capable of eating a lot. I dont, because I also put weight on very quickly. But even so, I still eat more than my mum does, she sometimes struggles to eat, she doesnt have an eating disorder and shes never dieted, shes never needed to, but she eats small portions, thats always been her way, she gets full quickly, I dont.

Some people could do with eating more and some people could do with eating less, thats life and a woman who is five foot two and at a desk job will or should consume less calories than someone who is a six foot two labourer.

Maybe he thinks, Ive paid for the food, if its there I should be able to eat it. I think it would be a shame if everything has to be split into mine and yours, however, if this is causing such an issue, then buy and prepare your own, or at least prepare your own.

Some people arent fabulous cooks, but you dont need to be to feed yourself and as I said before, theres not a cut off switch in the human body that goes, you ate at 6.30pm instead of 6pm tonight, you are going to get fat, perhaps some relaxation on both sides about their attitude to food needs to happen so that they can both move forwards.

coolcait

splishsplash wrote: »

If this happens regularly and stresses you out every time, then try doing things differently. You've identified a situation where you feel your needs/rights are being ignored yet you continue to set up perfect conditions for repeat performances - leaving 'your' meal in the cooking pots and thinking 'he should know' to leave it. Have a read. 'tis interesting what we do to ourselves.

Easy way out of this - cook for three, not two. Portion yours off and put it away. Tell him yours is to be left. Offer alternatives? What about soup as a starter and something sweet after? Is he eating regularly earlier in the day?

In our house, leftovers are in the pots and pans until we're finished eating and are fair game. Only when the meal is over are the leftovers put away (a rare event, it has to be said). Any meals for the freezer or next day are part of the initial serving up, otherwise there wouldn't be any left!

I agree with those who say he could do with checking in with his GP - weight loss + increased appetite = need for investigations.

That's a very interesting link - thank you. I think that it describes many of the threads we see on this forum. I also agree with the rest of your post.

I've agreed with quite a few of the other posters on this thread - and disagreed with others.

One thing which I overlooked when I first read the OP was that the husband did leave a portion of the food. But he appears to have misjudged the size of the portion. Again, an easy way to prevent such simple misunderstandings is for the OP to take her portion out of the cooking pot, and put it to one side.

However, the fundamental problem here is the way the OP feels about her husband, and the ongoing failure in communication between them. That said, as another poster has pointed out, there may be good reason why the husband might be hesitant about putting his point of view across.

It does slightly stagger me that a wife could see such a major change in her husband's eating habits, but her biggest worry is 'He's eaten my curry!!'.

happy35

my OH and DS are big eaters but not overweight and if I didnt plate up what I didnt want them to eat it would be gone.

My OH wouldnt eat it if it was for my dinner but would expect something else to be available for him to eat if he was still hungry. His opinion is that we are not 'hard up' and can afford food so therefore he shouldnt have to go short

lostinrates

FBaby wrote: »

I expect the point of this thread is not so much about looking at solutions specific to this matter, it's OP expressing her frustration with her OP selfish attitude. I would expect this is only one issue amongst others. Usually, when people react selfishly in regards to one aspect, they do with other things to. This one was the top of the iceberg for OP. At least I hope that is the case, because if this is the only thing her OH does selfishly, it would be right getting angry when there are easy ways to solve that particular issue.

We all have those, I had one yesterday :D:D

I have a husband who refuses to argue, whereas I like a good row sometimes to blow out the air.

Yesterday a lot of gripes got too much and I am afraid I behaved somewhat poorly at home . Neither of us are totally blameless, but I was definitely the one in the wrong for how I expressed my self. ( a very loud and tearful expressions of frustration and a bit of a rant combined with a somewhat dramatic practical demonstration on the point I was trying to make:o)

However, while I am not proud of my behaviour, far from it, I do think it made the point of how I feel quite clear . and perhaps I had not made that clearly enough before that in attempt to be stoic and jolly and pull together to a fault.

lostinrates

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Emotional hunger/binge eating/compulsive eating means eating in an attempt to change your feelings. It has absolutely zero relationship to whether you've actually had sufficient protein, fats, carbs or nutrients.

No amount of food can fill that empty feeling. Because the eater isn't hungry, they're interpreting other emotions as being hunger and trying to fix them in an ultimately inappropriate manner. Just as getting drunk, taking drugs, having an affair, gambling, driving too fast, becoming obsessive about an activity or closing off emotionally can never solve the uncomfortable feelings - it might give a temporary escape, but the person underneath is still the same and the problems will not be solved that way.

Agreed, but do we know this is emotional eating?

And if it is (which might well be the case, but is he losing weight) then something else still has to give. We simply don't know. He might not know.

Tiddlywinks

I think people who have read these boards for more than a year will pretty much guess that this thread is NOT about someone eating too much and being selfish.

There is a long history of very relevant posts that show the tensions in the household and the OP's relationship with her OH.

It is really interesting though to see how the 'facts' are presented... there is no real concern about the change in eating habits / appetite in the OP's partner but a lot of words describing about how he is selfish and impacting on her.

paulineb_2

The OP and her husband have been together how long now? 20 years.

I actually think that its a bit of a shame that he automatically gets called selfish, maybe hes just hungry and no, it cant be very nice when you say, keep those bones for stock and they end up in the bin, but seriously a couple of bones?

Also, the decision to eat all meals before 6pm has been made by the OP, she says that thats what works best for her when shes watching her weight or words to that effect, but hes not dieting and he wants to eat later, people arent just carbon copies of one another, of course there has to be compromise

Seriously, if this had been me I think I would have said much earlier, consider eating leftovers and also, why not do some share of the cooking, there is no point in frazzling yourself by doing everything and then turning round and being cheesed off about it

If you want things to change, put things in place so that changes can be made, but maybe realise that you have conflicting attitudes to food and thats whats causing part of the issues.

lostinrates

happy35 wrote: »

my OH and DS are big eaters but not overweight and if I didnt plate up what I didnt want them to eat it would be gone.

My OH wouldnt eat it if it was for my dinner but would expect something else to be available for him to eat if he was still hungry. His opinion is that we are not 'hard up' and can afford food so therefore he shouldnt have to go short

We have a fruit bowl for this. We also have so etching I call in a rather puerile fashion in household of adults ' the naughty cupboard' this is for those times when for whatever reason, an apple simply doesn't cut it. It has things like peanuts, savoury crackers and men's 'snacks'. It also has biscuits for if people drop in when I wasn't expecting them for coffee and an emergency miniature box of six chocolates from hotel chocolate for hormonal purposes. It also has the odd bit of kiddy crud for the kids of parents whose children are allowed such fodder.

I will admit, I do ask my family not to eat 'ingredients' but I do encourage left overs being eaten for lunch. I would find if unplated it very hard in a fridge where the food is shared with other adult/s to expect food unplated to be considered known to be allotted, because it demands the kind of thought I find people just don't have if they are not the ones doing the meal planning).