Is OH being 'greedy'?

lostinrates

mummyroysof3 wrote: »

He got fed and I don't make him eat stuff he didn't like so what's the problem with that?

None if it worked for you.




For many it wouldn't work. I don't think that's wrong either. Food and social interaction and bonding has a deep interaction in society. We talk about 'breaking bread' and there is a saying 'eat alone, die alone' ( but think that's more about living alone that actual dining experience) never the less its ingrained in the psyche of many to share meals, We know its important for children (so personally, I see you dilemma) to share family meals. I think its probably important to (many- I wish no offence to those who feel differently) relationships too, to share meals together.

FBaby

Dunroamin wrote: »

I wouldn't be happy to have my needs pay second fiddle to the children's if I'd been out at work all day but I expect that's a subject for another thread.

You are assuming that his needs are to seat with his OH. Maybe he doesn't need it and prefers that his children eat earlier and prefers his OH to eat with the children than him. Maybe he eats whilst his OH puts the kids to bed and he enjoys the peace and quiet when eating. Maybe he is grateful that his OH is happy to put the kids to bed alone so that HIS needs are met.

We all have different needs and priorities. Our friends find our eating and shopping arrangements very odd, but it works for us and makes us happy. It leads to no arguments whereas I expect it would be another matter if we did thing the traditional way because it's what the norm does. Some things we have to compromise on, others we agree in doing things traditionally, and yet others we agree to do things completely differently to others.

paulineb_2

lostinrates wrote: »

None if it worked for you.




For many it wouldn't work. I don't think that's wrong either. Food and social interaction and bonding has a deep interaction in society. We talk about 'breaking bread' and there is a saying 'eat alone, die alone' ( but think that's more about living alone that actual dining experience) never the less its ingrained in the psyche of many to share meals, We know its important for children (so personally, I see you dilemma) to share family meals. I think its probably important to (many- I wish no offence to those who feel differently) relationships too, to share meals together.

Oh well, Im done for then

I live alone and I eat alone

Apart from when I go for a meal with mates/family

I actually think that in a lot of families, people dont care much about eating together, I know my family growing up was fairly relaxed, there was no sitting around the table at set times, even now, Im not one for sitting at a table when I eat (I do have one)

That doesnt mean my family arent close, we are and always have been, just that for us, sitting down and having a meal together unless we are out has never been a big deal

However, by my mums own admission, cooking was never really her thing anyway.

Personally, Im glad I grew up in a happy family who didnt really bother about sitting down and having meals together, but other families will do differently and thats fine

My ex bf used to have most of his meals at mine, we were about 18, because his wasnt a happy home, so even in places where people dont all sit down and make a fuss, it can still be welcoming, think peoples happiness is the main thing

paulineb_2

Was absolutely never important for me as a kid to share family meals, perhaps part of that is because I grew up in a single parent household, not that I mean I didnt have a family, I did, but because we didnt really bother with formalities and still dont

I bet when my mum was growing up, things were different, because even in the gap between my gran having her kids and my mum having me and my brother, times changed quite dramatically.

lostinrates

paulineb wrote: »

Oh well, Im done for then

I live alone and I eat alone

Apart from when I go for a meal with mates/family

I actually think that in a lot of families, people dont care much about eating together, I know my family growing up was fairly relaxed, there was no sitting around the table at set times, even now, Im not one for sitting at a table when I eat (I do have one)

That doesnt mean my family arent close, we are and always have been, just that for us, sitting down and having a meal together unless we are out has never been a big deal

However, by my mums own admission, cooking was never really her thing anyway.

Personally, Im glad I grew up in a happy family who didnt really bother about sitting down and having meals together, but other families will do differently and thats fine

My ex bf used to have most of his meals at mine, we were about 18, because his wasnt a happy home, so even in places where people dont all sit down and make a fuss, it can still be welcoming, think peoples happiness is the main thing

Personally, when I have been alone (rare) I've been happy. I've never Been lonelier when in an unhappy relationship though.

Its true statistically marriage is suppose to have beneficial impact. Statistics however, are not people.

I doubt you are done for

paulineb_2

My mum was brought up in a very strict, religious household, my gran and grandpa were lovely people but both steeped in religion because thats what their families did. Towards the end of her life my gran was much more relaxed. My grandpa used to have a drink once a year at hogmanay and my gran rarely drank. Which has nowt to do with cooking etc

Just that if some families dont make a big deal about certain things, its possible that their mums and dads have had a more strict upbringing and thought it didnt really matter where the kids ate their dinner

I wouldnt have swapped it for anything really. And Im very much of the view if people want to eat their dinner on a tray watching telly, nothing wrong with that

And if you want to make dinner formal, nothing wrong with that either, we all do things differently, thats life.

Nicki

Isn't the issue here that both OP and her husband have large appetites and neither is good at judging how much the other will need to satiate them? It's certainly not the case, on what OP has posted, that her OH is eating all the food that has been prepared, just that he is not, in her opinion, leaving a large enough portion for her (and probably in his opinion he is eating just as much as he needs)

meritaten wrote: »

I found that I can eat like a navvy in the day

meritaten wrote: »

This is what really peed me off - he went and got seconds and left about a ladle full for me! hardly worth keeping as it came about half inch up a cereal bowl.

I have to say that as an average woman of average weight, a ladle full of curry accompanied by rice would be more than enough for me, and is roughly what I would serve up for myself and for my OH as a serving and neither of us would feel hard done by.

zaksmum

I can understand why meritaten feels miffed with her O/H.

It shouldn't be too much to ask that he just shows a bit of consideration.

He knows the food she made was to share. To just scoff the lot is saying "as long as I'm ok, who cares about you?"

Yes, she could make more food. But why should she have to when her O/H knows full well that he should leave enough for her?

My O/H wouldn't dream of eating more than his share of what has been cooked without first asking if I wanted it. If it's leftovers that nobody wants, fair enough. But when he does know that it's her share and eats it anyway, it's sticking two fingers up at her in my opinion.

paulineb_2

The thing is, theyve been together a long time, so whats changed recently?

candygirl

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

He's effectively taking it off her plate. That's not being strict, that's having a complete knob eating your dinner because you haven't chosen to scarf it down before he gets the chance.

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:Had to laugh at this as was thinking exactly the same thing.Thankfully I am well rid of the pig that used to snaffle up everything in sight.My food bills are minimal now thank god!!;):D