Is OH being 'greedy'?

lostinrates

Ok.

I often cannot eat with my husband and resident parent for medical reasons. But I Almost always, unless too unwell, join them for the meal.

DH or I serve the meal that (usually) I prepare.

We all three have different needs from food, and I'm used to balancing nutritional needs, and likes and dislikes to a degree. I am afraid people have to compromise. I find it easier to eat in the day too for health, but for time I cannot do it, so if I cannot eat a full meal in the evening without problems, I just have a little along side them.

Of your husband is losing weight, even if he needs to, he might well feel Unsatisfied (even if he is getting enough) . As a first line I'd add more vegetables to the meal.

I'd also echo any medical concerns of his appetite increasing and weight loss, its the symptom of a few not nice things.

Then I'd consider what the actual meals are and doing some rejiggleing. Not because its 'fair' but because it potentially better for relationship dynamics for both of you.

Instead of planning supper for 8 I'd slid it back a bit, to seven thirtyish. (If he is eati g while you are cookimg something is not right, is he humgry or is there some thing else going wrong medically or emotionally?).

Then I'd cook less, about three quarters of what your cooking and have a half meal (or less) on a bread and butter plate if it helps, along side him. Or just cook his half and eat some salad or consomme with him while he eats. Then have something fresh for your meal at lunch. More fuel use yes, but also, better for you both emotionally. Or even, consider cooking for lunch and reheating it for supper.......so the' left overs' are his not 'yours'.

If its emotional eating it might be because he's eating alone...or without his partner which is emotionally u satisfying when you have one, far more so than when you do not IMO. Then I'd think about cooking lighter food....


There are lots of ways at this problem and I think its possibly more complicated than 'his greed' and your being 'unreasonable' but I do think you'll have to be very I stubborn to resolve them best.

This sounds like a potentially very sad situation.

But the first is to rule out something medical.

CH27

Could you both compromise a bit & eat together at 7pm?

thorsoak

Rather than saying that he is becoming "selfish" say that he is feeling hungry all the time - which could be a sympton of diabetes!

Unless he is doing more physical activity which would naturally increase his appetite, maybe he should get himself checked out by the doctor.

mummyroysof3

I'm not understanding why you aren't dishing your meal up at same time as his and coving in foil or something and putting aside to cool ready to go in the fridge? Surely if you do that he wouldn't eat it.

If you cooked at lunch and put his aside for his tea later it would be another persons meal not leftovers.

Leftovers is what's left after you both full IMO. If he is getting plenty on his plate he shouldn't need seconds...is he?

puppypants

I echo the diabetes bit. Before I was diagnosed 18 months ago I was always hungry, ravenous even and was over eating constantly, just to feel 'full'. I lost 4 stones without realising it too while this was going on. Ask hubby to nip to surgery for a finger !!!!! to test for diabetes. xx

FBaby

I'm with you meritaten. I too like to eat before 6pm. It is what suits my lifestyle. I rush in the mornings and rarely have the time to take a consistent and enjoyable lunch, so usually eat quite light during the day. I therefore am hungry by 5pm. I also do activities after 6pm, so this works out well for me. I don't consider this to be 'odd arrangements', just not the norm maybe, but maybe it should be!!!

In any case, my OH also eats later. He likes to do his activities first, come home and then eat. I don't cook for them. We also eat very different food anyway. I know it is not traditional at all, but it works for us very well. Our 'time together' is afterwards, when we finally seat on the sofa. We've made a point that neither of us go on the computer after 8pm. He normally watches TV and I lay my head on his lap and I read my book. It is usually the time we talk, as he rarely focuses on any programme and I just put my book down.

I do think your OH is rude and selfish and I would be very annoyed if my OH did that especially if you've reminded him an number of times not to.

Dunroamin

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

I feel like I must live in a parallel universe...

Aren't mealtimes supposed to be sociable events? You know, where people sit down together and enjoy the food and company?

Is it so bad that someone wants a larger helping of something?

He's not nicking and selling off the family silver here... he is taking another portion of freshly prepared food. That's not the crime of the century.

Shared food is shared food...

I can't imagine not eating dinner with my husband nearly every day, it's the focus of our evenings.

MrsE_2

meritaten wrote: »

I know they are odd Dunroaming - but, to keep weight off I find it best to eat most of my calories during the day. its just the way my metabolism works. I was nearly three stone overweight and by accident found that I can eat like a navvy in the day but eating large meals at night means I put on weight. OH KNOWS this! he knows that I will cook a pie for supper and serve his with new potatoes and green veg, the next day I will warm it up for lunch and if I want chips I will have them or saute any leftover potatoes.
The only time I eat a heavy meal after 6.00 is if we go out for a meal (and my tummy protests the next day) - its been like this for over ten years now - he knows dam well I do enough for HIS supper and my lunch the next day.

Two things, why don't you portion yours straight away & put into a seperate container, then if there are left overs they are real left overs.

Secondly as someone who has lost a big chunk of weight recently if you want to loose 3 stone you need to ditch the pies & chips & possibly even the new potatoes as well.

paulineb_2

How about, you cook your own food and he cooks his? Is part of the reason you are upset because you are cooking it all and hes scoffing it all.

I have to say, the fact that you dont eat food after 6pm is impacting on your eating habits, thats fairly early in the day to be having a dinner and nothing else.

I wouldnt sit down and eat a meal after 10pm lets say unless I was working a shift, but I do think that the dont eat after 6pm is one of these urban myths that people have picked up on (and Im not talking about you specifically), if someone has a meal at 7pm or 6.30pm rather than 6pm, every calorie in their body isnt going to turn into fat overnight.

Its probably better to eat a lighter meal for dinner anyway regardless if someone is dieting or not.

Ive no idea whether you pool your finances, whether you have charge of the shopping budget. But rather than you shoving your food and labelling it "mine", sit down and say, you know Im trying to maintain my weight, I dont want to eat a lot of food in the evening, but we are wasting a lot of food, because Im cooking portions that would feed 3 people and they are all disappearing in the one evening.

And then as someone else said, suggest to him that if hes really hungry, he eats some toast, cereal, snacks etc.

Tbh, speaking as someone who has lost a fair amount of weight in the last 3 months, I was eating healthy food but way too much of it. Ive halved my portion sizes and at first it was a bit of a struggle but Im used to what Im eating now. They do say theres a delay between your brain registering that you are full after a meal and theres a fine line between being full and being over stuffed, so its possible that hes filling himself up due to habit, when he doesnt really need the extra food anyway.

FBaby

Dunroamin wrote: »

I can't imagine not eating dinner with my husband nearly every day, it's the focus of our evenings.

But it doesn't have to be. It isn't for us and yet it is essential that we have 'us time' too. We prefer it to be later when we are chilled out and able to put the day behind us. I personally don't like to eat with other people because I feel I can't concentrate as well on what I eat AND the conversation. I think it encourage to shuffle down your food without appreciating it and appreciate how much you've consumed. It is just fortunate that we both feel the same. There is no right or wrong.