Would it be rude...

pixo

Myself and OH are having a long engagement (we are saving ). I really wouldn't mind if anyone else wanted to get engaged/married within that time... I might be jelly though!!

Mojisola

FBaby wrote: »

To me, getting engaged is the act of officially planning the wedding.

It just goes to show how we can think differently about the same things. I never thought of myself as "engaged" because I didn't have a ring or a "do".

Looking at the dictionary definition, I suppose we were engaged once we had decided to marry.

Buzzybee90

FBaby wrote: »

To me, getting engaged is the act of officially planning the wedding. OH and I have discussed getting married from only months after meeting, but there is a big gap between talking about an intention with no clear plan in place and officially telling people of our intentions and actively starting to arrange it.

100% agree.

Dunroamin

Mojisola wrote: »

It just goes to show how we can think differently about the same things. I never thought of myself as "engaged" because I didn't have a ring or a "do".

Looking at the dictionary definition, I suppose we were engaged once we had decided to marry.

That's the definition I would use - I can't see how anyone could use any other.:)

Mojisola

Dunroamin wrote: »

That's the definition I would use - I can't see how anyone could use any other.:)

Because we didn't do the ring and stuff, I used to tell people we were "getting married", not that we were "engaged".

I didn't think about it at the time but I'm sure that if I had said I was engaged, I would have been asked about "the ring" which I didn't have.

Dunroamin

Mojisola wrote: »

Because we didn't do the ring and stuff, I used to tell people we were "getting married", not that we were "engaged".

I didn't think about it at the time but I'm sure that if I had said I was engaged, I would have been asked about "the ring" which I didn't have.

The ring and "stuff" aren't essential to the concept of being engaged, I think. (Not being anti, I've had 3 rings out of my 4 engagements:o)

Wiki says it quite well,

"An engagement or betrothal is a promise to marry, and also the period of time between proposal and marriage – which may be lengthy or trivial. During this period, a couple is said to be betrothed, affianced, engaged to be married, or simply engaged. Future brides and grooms may be called the betrothed, a wife-to-be or husband-to-be, fianc!e or fianc!, respectively (from the French word fiancer). The duration of the courtship varies vastly."

Buzzybee90

Exactly

thorsoak

The fact that one couple have become engaged and, at the moment, are intending to marry in three years' time does not preclude anyone else close to them announcing their engagement/intention to marry within the time scale. Etiquette does not come into it! Of course, there may be some bridezillas who wish a whole year to be devoted to the angst involved in seeking out everything slinky and shiny in silver/gold - but why get caught up in their shenanigans?

Way back when wheels were square (ok - the 1960s), we got engaged in April 1961 and married in June 1963. During the ensuing two years, three sets of friends became engaged and married, and 1 of my sisters became engaged, 2 close cousins of OH also became engaged, and another 2 sets of friends became engaged. We married in June 1963, were Best Man & Matron of Honour to 1 set of friends a month later, OH was usher at cousin's wedding 6 weeks after that & I was another attendant at the same wedding, and we'd been to 5 weddings by the December! By the time my sister married at Easter the following year, sister no 3 was also engaged!

onlyroz

If one person in a couple says "will you marry me" (or an equivalent), and the other says "yes", then you are engaged. If there is any ambiguity, then you are not. Simples.

About the original question - when my friend got engaged to her now husband, she was upset because her mum got engaged to her now step-dad within a week or two, and then ended up getting married about a month before she did. She was particularly annoyed that her mum picked the same venue for the wedding reception. I think she saw it as stealing her thunder in some way. I can see her point, but don't think it's such a big deal.