Would it be rude...

isitenough

If you want to get engaged then go for it! I got engaged first, then 2/3 months later my sister did! We got married within 3 months of each other. No issues there.
People don't own engagements/weddings or time! Remember it's their choice to wait for the wedding.

Torry_Quine

Buzzybee90 wrote: »

I'm not engaged, I'm in a relationship with a view to engagement and then marriage... Like many others in relationships!

If that's what you want to say that's obviously up to you. I can't understand how you can say you aren't engaged when you obviously intend to marry your boyfriend? Are you really saying that at some point one of you will propose knowing that it's already known that you will marry? Seems very strange.

Buzzybee90

Torry_Quine wrote: »

If that's what you want to say that's obviously up to you. I can't understand how you can say you aren't engaged when you obviously intend to marry your boyfriend? Are you really saying that at some point one of you will propose knowing that it's already known that you will marry? Seems very strange.

Yes, just like 90% of people...

Torry_Quine

Buzzybee90 wrote: »

Yes, just like 90% of people...

Of the people you know. I have never come across this other than on MSE so could say 0%. It's like those people who say that they are having a party to announce their engagement, they are engaged.

Correct me if I'm wrong (I frequently am), but are you saying that you and your boyfriend know you will marry at some point in the future but will only consider yourself engaged when a proposal is made ( the answer already being known) and after many talks about what you want from a wedding and marriage.

If that's the case then things are very different to my experience.

Errata

Many couples talk about marriage, get engaged and marry. Many couples talk about marriage, get engaged and don't marry. Many couples talk about marriage, don't get engaged and don't marry.
Not all of them post about it on MSE.

Buzzybee90

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Of the people you know. I have never come across this other than on MSE so could say 0%. It's like those people who say that they are having a party to announce their engagement, they are engaged.

Correct me if I'm wrong (I frequently am), but are you saying that you and your boyfriend know you will marry at some point in the future but will only consider yourself engaged when a proposal is made ( the answer already being known) and after many talks about what you want from a wedding and marriage.

If that's the case then things are very different to my experience.

I'm not sure why anyone (apart from people who don't care for marriage/ don't want to get married) would stay in a relationship where they didn't see it in their future?

I'm basically confused as to what you're even asking? You begin a relationship, you get engaged when you feel ready, you get married? Am I completely missing something? There are other things that stop people from getting engaged bar feeling comfortable in their relationship..

I have many friends with long term partners and both them and their male other halves see marriage in their future.. None are engaged though.

Torry_Quine

Buzzybee90 wrote: »

I'm not sure why anyone (apart from people who don't care for marriage/ don't want to get married) would stay in a relationship where they didn't see it in their future?

I'm basically confused as to what you're even asking? You begin a relationship, you get engaged when you feel ready, you get married? Am I completely missing something? There are other things that stop people from getting engaged bar feeling comfortable in their relationship..

I have many friends with long term partners and both them and their male other halves see marriage in their future.. None are engaged though.

Yes you begin a relationship, get engaged, get married but you don't know that you are getting engaged until one of you proposes is the difference I'm talking about. To me if couples see marriage in their future then they are engaged. It seems to be adding an extra step almost like promising to get engaged at some vague distant point.

Until I was proposed to I didn't know that marriage was in our future and that's the possibly old-fashioned and traditional way. Also not living together means an engagement is a more significant step as you are not just preparing for a wedding but for living together and setting up a home.

Person_one

For me, if you've had a sensible conversation and you both agree that you want to get married in the future, to each other, and that you plan for it to definitely happen, then you're engaged.

Buzzybee90

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Yes you begin a relationship, get engaged, get married but you don't know that you are getting engaged until one of you proposes is the difference I'm talking about. To me if couples see marriage in their future then they are engaged. It seems to be adding an extra step almost like promising to get engaged at some vague distant point.

Until I was proposed to I didn't know that marriage was in our future and that's the possibly old-fashioned and traditional way. Also not living together means an engagement is a more significant step as you are not just preparing for a wedding but for living together and setting up a home.

Person_one wrote: »

For me, if you've had a sensible conversation and you both agree that you want to get married in the future, to each other, and that you plan for it to definitely happen, then you're engaged.

Ok dokey, I appreciate your views!

I'm sure my OH will wait until we are in a good position financially to propose (if he does!) just because we have spoken about it doesn't mean we talk about it every day :rotfl: we will have to wait and see

Plus, if you think I'm engaged you should check out the 'waiting for a proposal' thread! :j

Erinnire

I don't know anyone that was completly surprise proposed to, meaning they hadn't discussed their future together.

I don't think your engaged until someone pops the question whether you've discussed what the answer will be beforehand. I'm sure plenty of men would be glad to be pretty assured their fianc!e was going to say yes before putti g themselves on the line.