Would it be rude...

browneyedbazzi

It isn't a race or a first come first served queue so I don't see why the brother-in-law's plans should affect when you get married - so long as you don't plan yours for a date too close to theirs (ie within a few weeks either way, as mutual friends/family may have difficulty attending two weddings really close together and have to choose which will lead to issues).

The only other thing I could see being a problem or 'thunder stealing' is if they've expressed an interest is using a particular venue or colour scheme or she's picked out a dress, and you then go and plan your wedding using those ideas or buy the same dress and wear it first.

Torry_Quine

Buzzybee90 wrote: »

Ok dokey, I appreciate your views!

I'm sure my OH will wait until we are in a good position financially to propose (if he does!) just because we have spoken about it doesn't mean we talk about it every day :rotfl: we will have to wait and see

Plus, if you think I'm engaged you should check out the 'waiting for a proposal' thread! :j

Not a thread I check as I'm married! :cool:

Erinnire wrote: »

I don't know anyone that was completly surprise proposed to, meaning they hadn't discussed their future together.

I don't think your engaged until someone pops the question whether you've discussed what the answer will be beforehand. I'm sure plenty of men would be glad to be pretty assured their fianc!e was going to say yes before putti g themselves on the line.

My husband must be that rare person then as he hoped I'd say yes but was in no way certain. Maybe that explains public proposals as they can be confident of the answer so no real risk of embarassement.

Buzzybee90

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Not a thread I check as I'm married! :cool:



My husband must be that rare person then as he hoped I'd say yes but was in no way certain. Maybe that explains public proposals as they can be confident of the answer so no real risk of embarassement.

I think so.

fashionlover10

I completely get where the OP is coming from with regards to the discussed marriage but not engaged thing.

OH and I have discussed the possibility of marriage in a 'Yes I'd like to be married someday' kind of way but I wouldn't say we were engaged. Mainly because we're not 100% sure right now that we'd like to marry each other. Things could change, who knows!
We're also not in the right place at the moment for marriage within ourselves and financially.

I'd also like a proper romantic proposal (and I don't know any women who wouldn't!) so just talking about marriage then getting married would be a bit of a let down romance wise.

Torry_Quine

fashionlover10 wrote: »

I completely get where the OP is coming from with regards to the discussed marriage but not engaged thing.

OH and I have discussed the possibility of marriage in a 'Yes I'd like to be married someday' kind of way but I wouldn't say we were engaged. Mainly because we're not 100% sure right now that we'd like to marry each other. Things could change, who knows!
We're also not in the right place at the moment for marriage within ourselves and financially.

I'd also like a proper romantic proposal (and I don't know any women who wouldn't!) so just talking about marriage then getting married would be a bit of a let down romance wise.

All proposals are romantic as it means the person you love wants to spend their whole life with you. It doesn't need to be a grand gesture.

Person_one

fashionlover10 wrote: »

I'd also like a proper romantic proposal (and I don't know any women who wouldn't!) so just talking about marriage then getting married would be a bit of a let down romance wise.

I certainly wouldn't want a 'proposal'!

I know I'm a bit odd in this, but I find the whole idea completely strange. Getting married is a major decision, it should be a joint one, discussed at length, all the pros and cons and potential differences gone over to make sure you're on the same page.

You don't have 'proposals' for other major life decisions, where one person waits breathlessly for the other to decide they're allowed to go ahead!

GoldenShadow

To me being engaged is a specific intent to marry in the not overly distant future. I don't know why, and I don't have an issue with people who get engaged and stay that way forever, but to me engagement is where marriage is in sight, even if that is two years away.

I think its weird that people wouldn't talk about it and if you do you're then engaged Marriage is hugely important to me and because of that I feel as though I would need to know whether or not it could happen with my OH or whether I need to let myself down now..!

I am not the type of person where I allow things just kind of happen, I avidly plan what I want my life to be; probably because as a child my life was so awful and I am desperate for my adulthood to be different. Part of that is knowing I want to own my own home and have horses as well as getting married, so I don't think its a bad thing.

Dunroamin

fashionlover10 wrote: »

I completely get where the OP is coming from with regards to the discussed marriage but not engaged thing.

OH and I have discussed the possibility of marriage in a 'Yes I'd like to be married someday' kind of way but I wouldn't say we were engaged. Mainly because we're not 100% sure right now that we'd like to marry each other. Things could change, who knows!
We're also not in the right place at the moment for marriage within ourselves and financially.

I'd also like a proper romantic proposal (and I don't know any women who wouldn't!) so just talking about marriage then getting married would be a bit of a let down romance wise.

You must know quite a limited circle.;)

lostinrates

Person_one wrote: »

I certainly wouldn't want a 'proposal'!

I know I'm a bit odd in this, but I find the whole idea completely strange. Getting married is a major decision, it should be a joint one, discussed at length, all the pros and cons and potential differences gone over to make sure you're on the same page.

You don't have 'proposals' for other major life decisions, where one person waits breathlessly for the other to decide they're allowed to go ahead!

Well, no, both have to be ready ( one can say no) , and either could ask but someone has to work up the courage to!

I think I can see a inference thinking about it between 'knowing you want to get married sometime in the future' and ' planning a wedding g now' sort of periods of time if one is going to be fussy. I felt really odd using the word 'fianc!' ( I think it sounds horrid) and just kept referring to him as bf till we were hitched.

Op, follow your own time table. Or use it to advantage and see if you can get discounts on buying things like cakes, dresses etc in twos.

FBaby

To me, getting engaged is the act of officially planning the wedding. OH and I have discussed getting married from only months after meeting, but there is a big gap between talking about an intention with no clear plan in place and officially telling people of our intentions and actively starting to arrange it.