Honest advice please - relationship

marisco_2

Judi wrote: »

I'll be honest my husband wasn't the best substitute Father to my children when I met him. However, he was only 21 and didn't have a Father of his own so parenting was very new to him.

He did learn though that if he snapped at my kids for nothing he'd pay for it one way or another. A bucket of freezing cold water poured over him whilst he was sitting in front of the fire naked was one of the ways... My carpet was never the same again but at least he learned that if I asked him for help dressing one of the children, it meant doing it gently and carefully and not like a stroppy teenager.

I'll never forget his face!:rotfl:

What weird logic. All you achieved by that is to teach your children that their mum can behave like a crazed fruitloop, in order to teach her partner not to act like a stroppy teenager!

Is this how they now handle conflicts and upsets? Or have they worked out that opening their mouths and talking through problems has better end results!

Treevo

paulineb wrote: »

Of course she is and everyone makes mistakes

Im just a bit astounded that on the basis of very little detail, so many people are talking about abortion.

Why? Woman is pregnant, isn't sure she wants the pregnancy to continue and so surely abortion is the obvious solution in this situation?

The idea that every woman who has an abortion turns into a wreck who spends the rest of her life regretting it, is just not true. It's nowhere near the truth. But that doesn't suit the arguments of those who seek to control women's bodies.

paulineb_2

Acc72 wrote: »

Or at least take precautions !

Sorry, I know that this isn't helpful but the OP is not a "kid" so why have unprotected sex with somebody they do not see a future with, particularly given their subsequent comments about having more children ?

To be fair, if anything the boyfriend is being critisized for being too nice, agreeable and trying to be the perfect boyfriend that the OP wants/he thinks that she wants.

I absolutely agree on a womans right to choose to what happens to their own body. It might not have been unprotected sex, it could have been a contraceptive failure.

But people on here seem to have jumped on the negative parts of this relationship and no one seems to be questioning how someone can be so awful when he treats her like a princess, is never mean to her and does his best for them

Then in later posts hes not so great after all, but no details given as to why

Hes in love with her, shes not in love with him and looks as if she desperately wants a positive father figure for her child as his own father hasnt done that.

But that still wouldnt make me spend a year of my life with someone if my heart wasnt truly in it and I do think that people jump on the negatives that people post about someone and dont see the good bits, its her choice. Even if hes a saint hes the wrong one for her by the sounds of it

But that doesnt mean she should be running for the hills or deciding not to go through with the pregnancy

As I said, communication. Seems to be very little of it going on between them.

I wonder if hes aware of how shes feeling and if hes not, well I hope they do start talking and soon.

If only to make decisions about how they end things on a hopefully peaceful basis.

paulineb_2

Treevo wrote: »

Why? Woman is pregnant, isn't sure she wants the pregnancy to continue and so surely abortion is the obvious solution in this situation?

The idea that every woman who has an abortion turns into a wreck who spends the rest of her life regretting it, is just not true. It's nowhere near the truth. But that doesn't suit the arguments of those who seek to control women's bodies.

The OP didnt make any reference to not wanting the pregnancy to continue in her first paragraph. Neither did she make reference to a termination in the second post she posted. All shes said is she didnt want a baby with "just anyone" and that was said far later in the thread once people had started posting about her having a termination. And if thats how she feels about her partner, that hes just anyone, they would be far better off apart, thats obvious.

Btw, Im very pro choice, Im certainly not anti abortion.

I just dont think we are getting anywhere near enough detail about this man for people to be able to give an objective opinion, no more and no less.

VestanPance

Judi wrote: »

He did learn though that if he snapped at my kids for nothing he'd pay for it one way or another. A bucket of freezing cold water poured over him whilst he was sitting in front of the fire naked was one of the ways... My carpet was never the same again but at least he learned that if I asked him for help dressing one of the children, it meant doing it gently and carefully and not like a stroppy teenager.

I'll never forget his face!:rotfl:

Your advice is behaviour control through assault! There's a legal term for that it's called domestic abuse.

Treevo

paulineb wrote: »

The OP didnt make any reference to not wanting the pregnancy to continue in her first paragraph. Neither did she make reference to a termination in the second post she posted. All shes said is she didnt want a baby with "just anyone" and that was said far later in the thread once people had started posting about her having a termination. And if thats how she feels about her partner, that hes just anyone, they would be far better off apart, thats obvious.

Btw, Im very pro choice, Im certainly not anti abortion.

I just dont think we are getting anywhere near enough detail about this man for people to be able to give an objective opinion, no more and no less.

With respect - we don't have the right to more detail. This is a forum, not an inquisition. We get what the OP tells us and nothing more.

She doesn't feel right about him and from what she's told us, I understand that. I wouldn't trust anyone who snaps at my child but is all sweetness and light to me. Certainly not when combined with his other actions.

alias*alibi

Although I feel for the OP; as with these kind of posts, when the replies aren't all going how the OP hopes we hear that there is 'more to the story' but doesn't want to post about that. Is there more or are we led to believe there is more so we feel bad towards the guy? How can we give an informed decision based not on the whole facts.

FatVonD

I'm sure the OP doesn't need telling that she's been irresponsible.

Time is of the essence if she is going to go down the termination route. If she discusses the idea with him then she has no way of passing it off as a miscarriage at a later date. She already knows he won't want her to get rid of it. She says in her opening post it's what he's wanted from the start so it's realistic to believe he will pressure her not to terminate the pregnancy, all this will take time that she doesn't have.

Far kinder to him to let him believe it's a miscarriage. The OP can then let him down gently regarding ending the relationship.

Treevo

alias*alibi wrote: »

Although I feel for the OP; as with these kind of posts, when the replies aren't all going how the OP hopes we hear that there is 'more to the story' but doesn't want to post about that. Is there more or are we led to believe there is more so we feel bad towards the guy? How can we give an informed decision based not on the whole facts.

The way you do every day and every time you give advice?

System

VestanPance wrote: »

Your advice is behaviour control through assault! There's a legal term for that it's called domestic abuse.

Maybe so but no one hurts my babies and gets away with it.