Honest advice please - relationship

marisco_2

FBaby wrote: »

In reality, the easiest way forward if she decided to go for an abortion would be to pretend she miscarried.

I am not young. Up till now I didn't think I was naïve either. I am truly shocked though that women could do the above. That takes conduct in a relationship to a whole new low.

System

I'll be honest my husband wasn't the best substitute Father to my children when I met him. However, he was only 21 and didn't have a Father of his own so parenting was very new to him.

He did learn though that if he snapped at my kids for nothing he'd pay for it one way or another. A bucket of freezing cold water poured over him whilst he was sitting in front of the fire naked was one of the ways... My carpet was never the same again but at least he learned that if I asked him for help dressing one of the children, it meant doing it gently and carefully and not like a stroppy teenager.

I'll never forget his face!:rotfl:

Treevo

marisco wrote: »

That is exactly what she has done. Not once in the first post did the OP say that she has ever told her partner how she truly feels towards him. Despite it being very apparent that over time she has become more and more disillusioned by her relationship with him. If he had ever been made aware of how she really felt, I doubt very much he would have chosen to have a baby with her.

I don't see how you can think that the OPs partner now doesn't factor into this situation at all, and that he has no rights or say on what happens next. The OP is pregnant with their child. The decision to continue with the pregnancy or terminate should be a joint one. Not something she decides by herself. Can you even begin to imagine how devastated this man would be if informed that the OP was not having their baby with no chance of discussion. Your views on men and how they and their feelings can be so easily discarded, as soon as it no longer suits a women are horrendous.

Frankly, I couldn't care less about how he feels. Whatever he would feel would be nothing compared to the hell of forcing a woman to give up her autonomy and control of her body.

It's her decision - it's the woman's right to choose.

Also - I'm a man.

tea_lover

Judi wrote: »

He did learn though that if he snapped at my kids for nothing he'd pay for it one way or another. A bucket of freezing cold water poured over him whilst he was sitting in front of the fire naked was one of the ways...

!!!!!!!! That's horrible. I can imagine the outrage if a man posted that he'd done that to his wife.

Acc72

paulineb wrote: »

If you look at the opening post it makes very clear that she wasnt sure about him from almost day 1.

If so, why let the relationship go on so long with so many doubts.

Or at least take precautions !

Sorry, I know that this isn't helpful but the OP is not a "kid" so why have unprotected sex with somebody they do not see a future with, particularly given their subsequent comments about having more children ?

To be fair, if anything the boyfriend is being critisized for being too nice, agreeable and trying to be the perfect boyfriend that the OP wants/he thinks that she wants.

Treevo

paulineb wrote: »

If you look at the opening post it makes very clear that she wasnt sure about him from almost day 1.

If so, why let the relationship go on so long with so many doubts.

She's human?

CH27

econnin wrote: »

Thank you all.

My son has always been priority and we are happy just the two of us. Very happy. I don't want just any step-dad for him at all. But I thought my partner would be a good role model, until the past month where I have witnessed him being short with my son and his child etc and it just, in my mind, is wrong. My child gets upset easily by negativity but he blossoms with positive parenting. This then got me thinking about everything that has happened and reality hit home.

Previous to this, I've told him I wasn't sure about him. It was all too much as he tried to move in to my home by leaving more and more stuff here. We nearly split up but then I got ill and he helped me through it. Then we went through a very happy patch until about a month ago. I was pregnant at this point.

I know that he knows I am not 100% but he still tries it on. He wants me for life and will just try to please me more to win me round. This is partly why I am up and down. He is never mean to me.

I do want another child but always intended to adopt later on as I don't want a baby with just anyone. I really don't know how I have got here but I realise now that it is not right.

You've all been so useful, thank you.

But do you want a child with this man as it means he will always be in your life.
Your parenting techniques seem miles apart & will inevitably end up causing friction.
You don't like the way he is with your son or his child so why would a joint child be any different?

paulineb_2

Treevo wrote: »

She's human?

Of course she is and everyone makes mistakes

Im just a bit astounded that on the basis of very little detail, so many people are talking about abortion.

kelpie35

I just can't believe that a 34 year old mother, responsible for 1 child and expecting another, is so immature.

By saying he treats her like a "princess" indicates to me that she is more interested in material things than true love.

If I was you OP I would be having serious thoughts about continuing with this relationship and how you are going to manage caring for 2 children.

Right from the beginning of this relationship you have had doubts, so to become pregnant, that shows you are not mature and a very mixed up person.

My sympathies go out to your son.

19lottie82

marisco wrote: »

I am not young. Up till now I didn't think I was naïve either. I am truly shocked though that women could do the above. That takes conduct in a relationship to a whole new low.

I understand your point, but in my eyes in certain situations it makes it easier on all involved, so if I were in the OP's situation and decide not to have the baby, that's prob a route I would consider taking.