Honest advice please - relationship

marisco_2

Cant help but feel that is a really cold post Jojo. You haven't taken into account the feelings of the OPs partner at all. Just encouraged someone who has fooled a man into thinking she loves him enough, for him to decide to want to have a baby with her, to continue to think only of her needs so as not to miss out on meeting someone way better. Just when you think you have read it all on this forum!

krlyr

None of us know the partner's opinion though, or whether he was 'fooled' into anything. Jojo's opinion is, perhaps brutally honest about the situation from the OP's point of view - who is the person asking advice (and ultimately the one who would have to go through the pregnancy)

kazwookie

LisaLou1982 wrote: »

Hugs OP - it sounds like you feel you have got yourself trapped.

Ask yourself this: Do you want the baby? Are you considering terminating the pregnancy?

This is only my opinion, but in my experience, your gut feeling is always the correct one. If you dont feel happy with him now, you will not feel happy with him in years to come.

If you dont want to be with him and you dont want the baby then you have options available to you. If you dont feel you can tell him the true reason then you could always sugar coat the truth. Honesty isnt always the best policy, particularly if you can avoid making a situation even harder than it is.

^^ what she said, I would have written word for word, and totally agree with, you need to have a long hard think..........

Gigglepig

From your post OP it doesn't sound like the right time to have a baby even if, with some work, the relationship might survive.

Personally I really would not want a child unless I knew the person was right to haveva child with, and it sounds like you have issues with him both as a partner and as a dad at the moment.

Treevo

marisco wrote: »

Cant help but feel that is a really cold post Jojo. You haven't taken into account the feelings of the OPs partner at all. Just encouraged someone who has fooled a man into thinking she loves him enough, for him to decide to want to have a baby with her, to continue to think only of her needs so as not to miss out on meeting someone way better. Just when you think you have read it all on this forum!

She fooled him?! She wasn't hiding her opinions and pretending to agree with him.

Guess what - he doesn't factor into this situation. If the OP doesn't feel ready to tie herself to this man (who is at the least a manipulator and not someone I would want near me, let alone a child) then she doesn't have to. The decision is hers alone. Not his.

Jojo is spot on.

FBaby

I am not a supporter of abortion at all but can see Jojo's view.

You don't say about the circumstances of you getting pregnant. If you had so many doubts about this man, why not insure not being protected? A pointless question as most responses in these instances are that one got pregnant on the pill taken at the perfect time...

The reality is how you put it. You do not love this man and you know it. He is being led on as it would seem he doesn't know how you feel. It is not fair on anyone to pretend all is well. You say you don't see a future with him so set him free. You then have to decide whether you go ahead with this child, knowing that you will owe this child to build a good relationship with his father, who clearly wants him, meaning that this man will remain in your life for the next 19 years, or you accept that this child was no meant to be and as you are still so early pregnant, terminate it before it gets more complicated and tell him that it was a mistake and you don't see a future with him.

econnin

Thank you all for your responses.

FatVonD

He's nice but dull, you don't have to feel bad about ending it, he's just not for you.

You need to decide sharpish what to do about the pregnancy, personally I'm with JoJo but you don't have to make it any more upsetting for him than just telling him you've had a miscarriage. You can let him down gently a couple of weeks after.

beckysbobbles1

I'm sorry but I will start by saying how very foolish you are!! You knew from day one that things were not right with this man so why on Earth allow yourself to get pregnant?? Rant over.

Now I'll try and offer some support. You have choices. It does not sound like he is a very good Dad so do you honestly want to put your son and this new baby through having to put up with him being impatience?

I can only imagine how difficult it is being a single parent but just because there are two people there, does not always make the load lighter.

He sounds like a very controlling and possessive person, do not get stuck with him.

Seek support from your friends and family.

Alikay

You can't realistically stay with this man, OP: Your head and heart are both screaming "No!".

At 5 weeks pregnant you currently have choices about where you go with the pregnancy. The complications seem immense if you have to keep this man in yours and your son's lives (which you will have to, if you continue with the pregnancy) but you may feel able to deal with it. Personally (which is of no help to you, I know), like Jojo, I'd be heading off to Marie Stopes or my GP. Situations like this are exactly why women fought long and hard for abortion rights, but I admit I'm an old cynic who's seen some appalling outcomes to some kids lives.