Honest advice please - relationship

econnin

Thanks everyone.

Wilma33

Does he know you are pregnant? Does he currently live with you?

How old are you? Do you want another baby?

econnin

......................

Wilma33

Are you just trying to decide whether to stay in a relationship with this man or are you also considering whether to continue with the pregnancy?

busiscoming2

How are you going to feel a few years down the line when you are married and have put up with his not so good relationship with your son? Surely as time goes on the fact he doesn't relate well to your son will annoy and upset you?

You seem to realise this relationship is a mistake. The pregnancy makes things more difficult, but isn't it better to be on your own than in a bad relationship?

the_pink_panther_2

A child doesn't have to be unhappy or unfulfilled if it doesn't live with both parents. It sounds as though you are well balanced and seem fully aware of potential issues and that goes a long long way to ensuring that a child is well cared for and supported. I know of a girl brought up solely by her mother, this girl is now 21. lovely, very bright, caring, popular. In no way does she seem hindered despite having had virtually no contact with father throughout her life.

alias*alibi

Where to start. When I met OH (refuse to call him DH in here) I felt exactly the way you do right now. Funny in the beginning; looked forward to meeting up and having fun. But his jokes became old, repeated etc and I tired with it. He was quite possessive as we lived 2 hours apart so was suspicious of me when apart. This I found hard and after one particularly nasty text I ended it. Then found out I was pregnant. This filled me with joy and fear. Joy that i was pregnant as I have PCOS but fear as I didn't really feel anything for OH and my life was in turmoil at that point in my life. However I knew I wanted to keep the baby so told OH. We ended up getting back together but if I was honest I still wasn't sure I really wanted a relationship with him. 9 years on still together (albeit an affair 3 years ago on his part) and we have an 8 year old DD. The thing that struck me with your post is your OH being a father but not a dad. Thats my OH too. He is there for DD doing the school runs and the like but cannot 'hug' her without feeling uncomfortable or get on the floor and just play. But I accept that's just the way he is. I give my DD all the hugs she wants.

Difficult; I know mine kinda panned out apart from the 'bit in the middle' but I'm not sure I'd choose the same path again. I'd keep the baby without a doubt; just not sure I'd get back with somebody I didn't really have any connection with for the sake of being a family.

LisaLou1982

Hugs OP - it sounds like you feel you have got yourself trapped.

Ask yourself this: Do you want the baby? Are you considering terminating the pregnancy?

This is only my opinion, but in my experience, your gut feeling is always the correct one. If you dont feel happy with him now, you will not feel happy with him in years to come.

If you dont want to be with him and you dont want the baby then you have options available to you. If you dont feel you can tell him the true reason then you could always sugar coat the truth. Honesty isnt always the best policy, particularly if you can avoid making a situation even harder than it is.

marisco_2

Does your partner have any idea about what your true feelings for him are, or would he be stunned to know the truth? Very few men try for a baby with a woman they love without having 100% commitment to them in mind. From what you write you have had growing doubts and misgivings about him, pretty much from the start of your relationship. Yet you still let things go as far as him fathering a child with you. I get the impression he is the excited dad to be, completely loved up looking forward to enjoying family life with you, totally oblivious to the fact that you feel trapped and full of regret with no real feelings for him any more. You really owe it to him to be completely honest about where things are at in your relationship. Poor bloke!

sweaty_betty

From your description of your OH, he sounds like a few men I know. Probably have not much self confidence (although hides it well), eager to please, quite full-on, not very confident in interpersonal relationships (e.g. being a good father by doing all the right things, but not sure how to act with children or how to be a good dad), wanting relationships but not quite sure how to go about them.

With the men I know like this, they are lovely people and would do anything for you, but might need a bit of "investment" in terms of patience in helping them to understand how to best interact with others, to not tell the same (bad) jokes all the time as they wear a bit thin, or to listen to people instead of being desperate to drop in a one-liner to show how funny they are.

Of the men I know like this, they have all blossomed within relationships where their partner has taken this approach. Some of them are parents and you'd never see a more devoted dad.

The bottom line though is is the OP prepared to invest in the relationship like this, or is he irritating her now to the point of no return? Maybe the OP should take a step back and think about what she's prepared to do or overlook (in terms of irritatingness). Don't forget also that the early stages of pregnancy are often tough, with hormones flying all over the place and even those with strong relationships doubting them at times.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Five weeks. There's time to get yourself to the GP or Marie Stopes.


That isn't the environment to bring a child into - odds are that, within a year or two, if not sooner, you will have enough and end it before it makes you ill. And then you'd have to cope with an essentially unwanted (albeit not unloved) infant, having missed a couple of years where you could have met somebody who genuinely knocks your socks off.