Stepson wants to live with us - can his mother stop him?

FBaby

but at times she has treated him as more of a hindrance

How would you determine this? Is she a bad mother (besides what her behaviour his towards you and your family)?

red_devil

kent_lady wrote: »

Again, you are wrong. While some people might be sitting smugly in this situation, my OH has taken great pains to talk to his son on at least 4 occasions over the last week, asking him if he's absolutely sure that this is what he wants. DS is adamant, and with all due respect, it's not due to an argument with his, he mentioned it to his dad nearly 3 months ago as something he was thinking about. No one has made a knee jerk decision here. My OH has constantly said to his ex that this is about what DS wants and what's best for him. I outlined the reasons in one of my first posts, my OH has sat down with his DS and told him of all the implications eg your mum will be upset, you'll have to change schools etc etc. DS said that he would be better off at a new school and that he will still see his mum, but that this is what he wants. What are we supposed to say, "sorry, no you can't live with us"? He knows his own mind and we are doing our best to respect and accommodate that.

do a trial run, have him to stay and see if he visits her as he said he will?

FBaby

kent_lady wrote: »

Again, you are wrong. While some people might be sitting smugly in this situation, my OH has taken great pains to talk to his son on at least 4 occasions over the last week, asking him if he's absolutely sure that this is what he wants. DS is adamant, and with all due respect, it's not due to an argument with his, he mentioned it to his dad nearly 3 months ago as something he was thinking about. No one has made a knee jerk decision here. My OH has constantly said to his ex that this is about what DS wants and what's best for him. I outlined the reasons in one of my first posts, my OH has sat down with his DS and told him of all the implications eg your mum will be upset, you'll have to change schools etc etc. DS said that he would be better off at a new school and that he will still see his mum, but that this is what he wants. What are we supposed to say, "sorry, no you can't live with us"? He knows his own mind and we are doing our best to respect and accommodate that.

Well that's fair enough but again, your posts were more about highlighting what a terrible person she was rather than the above. So you're saying that the matter has already been raised with the ex. So surely it didn't come to a surprise to her last night?

kent_lady

FBaby wrote: »

But it's not about your feelings towards her or your husbands. You seem to be doing what you are accusing her of, that is making it about your and your husband rather than his son. It seems that him saying he is unhappy there enough to give you the flag to throw it at their face.

.

How have I done this, please??? Read my posts, I have constantly said that this is about what's best for SS! My feelings don't come into it! This is NOT a kneejerk reaction on SS's part.......it's what HE wants and we are happy to have him come to us!

BugglyB

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Sounds like you're faced with a woman who loves her son and is very upset at the thought of losing him. Pain and loss can easily manifest as anger.

Texting someone and calling them a c**t is abusive behaviour. Its not ok, regardless of how you feel. Especially not when that someone has joint care of your child.

red_devil

kent_lady wrote: »

How have I done this, please??? Read my posts, I have constantly said that this is about what's best for SS! My feelings don't come into it! This is NOT a kneejerk reaction on SS's part.......it's what HE wants and we are happy to have him come to us!

I dont believe he will keep up the visits to his mum and therefore I think its a not a good idea.

12 miles is quite along way?

kent_lady

FBaby wrote: »

How would you determine this? Is she a bad mother (besides what her behaviour his towards you and your family)?

How do we determine this? Constant requests for us to have him at short notice, being called names when we couldn't because of prior arrangements we had, constantly being asked for more £ when he pays maintenance regularly and has done since day one, putting her job before him, leaving him on his own, not helping him with homework, not facing up to problems he was having at school and actually having a standup row with the teacher, emotional blackmail (the aforementioned crying etc) of both him and his father, being abusive when she doesn't get what she wants, changing Christmas arrangements on the day, telling DS that "your dad doesn't care about you" when all he has done is not be able to help her out for a good reason. The last one is completely unacceptable - it doesn't matter what you think of your ex, you do NOT do that to your kids!

kent_lady

red_devil wrote: »

I dont believe he will keep up the visits to his mum and therefore I think its a not a good idea.

12 miles is quite along way?

No it isn't, it takes 20 minutes in the car....... :undecided

kent_lady

BugglyB wrote: »

Texting someone and calling them a c**t is abusive behaviour. Its not ok, regardless of how you feel. Especially not when that someone has joint care of your child.

Thank you BugglyB!! As I said, she can call me what she likes, but the reason I mentioned it was to try and explain the sort of person she is.......:undecided

red_devil

kent_lady wrote: »

No it isn't, it takes 20 minutes in the car....... :undecided

whose car?

will he stay the weekend? Are there any other siblings there?

Is he really going to want to sit in the house with his mum?

I dont think he will want to go?