Stepson wants to live with us - can his mother stop him?

kent_lady

aliasojo wrote: »

Perhaps you shouldn't be reading such threads and offering advice then if that's all it takes to 'shake you'.

If the Mum weeps and wails, then that's what she does. How else would you describe someone weeping and wailing?

By the sounds of things we are not talking about a woman who is upset and crying over the thought of losing her son, we are talking about a woman who is using emotion as a control.[/QUOTE]

That's exactly it!!

supersaver2

I don't understand why some people find it so hard to believe that not all mums are as pure as driven snow who make all the sacrifices? Clearly if you have a great relationship with your partners ex, step children etc you aren't going to make a post asking for advice so it may seem like there are only posts with members complaining about family matters, but why else would you post for advice?!

supersaver2

FBaby wrote: »

Ok, fine, you are clearly a perfect ex and a perfect new wife. You ex is a loser and so his your OH's ex. It all sounds very fairyland like, but at the same time, you are absolutely right that I certainly can't judge not knowing you and your family.

I wish your SS good luck and hope that he will grow up stable and happy with you guys.

That first part of your post comes across as very childish to me.

FBaby

The Mother doesn't get any rights just because she has a title, you reap what you sow, if she had a good relationship with the lad, he'd not be wanting to go anywhere.

If only How many teenagers have threatened to run away from their parent's home....except they don't have another one to go to.... a teenager wanting to move because he is unhappy doesn't systematically mean that they are being treated badly where they are or that their relationship with the pwc is ruined and not amendable. A lot of them react on the basis of 'the grass being greener' elsewhere not realising that it is the circumstances that are different. Indeed, it is far from uncommon for such teenagers to end up wanting to move back where they used to reside once they realise that it is not about the parent or the environment, but often about them.

Kayalana99

FBaby wrote: »

If only How many teenagers have threatened to run away from their parent's home....except they don't have another one to go to.... a teenager wanting to move because he is unhappy doesn't systematically mean that they are being treated badly where they are or that their relationship with the pwc is ruined and not amendable. A lot of them react on the basis of 'the grass being greener' elsewhere not realising that it is the circumstances that are different. Indeed, it is far from uncommon for such teenagers to end up wanting to move back where they used to reside once they realise that it is not about the parent or the environment, but often about them.

But you should also accept that not every case is the same and the SS may actally just be better off with the father.

Just because you've seen kids go from one parent and back again doesn't make this situation the same.

Its very short sighted to think so.

kent_lady

FBaby wrote: »

Ok, fine, you are clearly a perfect ex and a perfect new wife. You ex is a loser and so his your OH's ex. It all sounds very fairyland like, but at the same time, you are absolutely right that I certainly can't judge not knowing you and your family.

I wish your SS good luck and hope that he will grow up stable and happy with you guys.

For god's sake, I am not perfect and I never said I was....that's your assumption because I have tried to explain that this woman behaves irrationally and selfishly most of the time. How can I write on here that she's lovely, calm, fair and generous when the FACTS are that she is none of those things? :mad: This is not about my feelings towards her. Yes, my ex IS a loser, but I don't tell his sons that! I am not a "perfect ex" BUT I can hand on heart state that I have never, NEVER slagged my sons' father off in front of them. I don't agree with it, never have and never will. I appreciate that you can only see this situation as me and OH saying "ha ha he wants us not you" but I can promise you that's not the case. Other posters here have quite rightly stated that dads have rights too.....and hey, so do kids . At the end of the day, he wants to live with us and we are happy for him to come, we are certainly not sticking two fingers up to his mother, I do actually feel for her but I also understand that DSS has the CHOICE. I know this will not be easy but we'll work it out.....

FBaby

supersaver2 wrote: »

That first part of your post comes across as very childish to me.

Maybe, but I'm mature enough to recognise that nothing is either black or white, not even my own situation.

Most teenagers are too self-involved to care what others think. And most adults (certainly the ones I know) are perfectly capable of masking their true feelings, even from other adults.

You've clearly haven't been one of those teenagers.

aliasojo

FBaby wrote: »

If only How many teenagers have threatened to run away from their parent's home....except they don't have another one to go to.... a tnaeeger wanting to move because he is unhappy doesn't systematically mean that they are being treated badly where they are or that their relationship with the pwc is ruined and not amendable. A lot of them react on the basis of 'the grass being greener' elsewhere not realising that it is the circumstances that are different. Indeed, it is far from uncommon for such teenagers to end up wanting to move back where they used to reside once they realise that it is not about the parent or the environment, but often about them.

The bit in bold is really all you need.

I'm not sure why you talk about 'teenagers'. This isn't a general thread, it's about one specific lad, any other teenager's stuff is irrelevent.

I'm also not sure why you are bringing other things into the equation that have not even been raised. Who said anything about being treated badly or that the relationship with his Mum is ruined?

Your take on this is flawed imo and you are arguing from assumption.

Poppy9

aliasojo wrote: »

Kids generally do not want to move from happy homes, even if they do miss the absent parent.

The fact the lad is definite on what he wants, speaks volumes as far as I'm concerned.

The Mother doesn't get any rights just because she has a title, you reap what you sow, if she had a good relationship with the lad, he'd not be wanting to go anywhere.

But we are talking about a teenager, a teenager who has according to the OP got in with a bad crowd at home. Perhaps he doesn't like the grief he gets at home for his behaviour.

The OP said her OH grounded him for 2 months, but how could this be enforced if he doesn't live with him?

Perhaps his mother and step father have been on at him that his attitude, behaviour etc is not acceptable. No one knows what the son says about his father etc. to his mother.

Ordinarily I would say "let him move" but as it involves changing schools at the start of his GCSEs then it needs to be thought about more carefully.

FBaby

kent_lady, I really don't have it for you. If I got to know you, maybe I would think you are a wonderful dedicated mum and step-mum. I am only reacting because I felt some of the things you wrote came across as very heartless. Now I understand that the ex has been so too, but it still stoke a cord to me.

I have issues with my ex's new partner, think she has done some very selfish and nasty things, but I could never feel such negative feelings for her, because in the end, she is my kids' step-mum and she means a lot to them.