Stepson wants to live with us - can his mother stop him?

neverdespairgirl

peachyprice wrote: »

What, like his father has for the last 3 years you mean?

Parenthood is a two way street, a mother doesn't miss her child any more than a father does.

depends on the age of the child, I think.

When our son was a baby, I felt real angst being away from him for more than a few minutes. I don't doubt OH loved him dearly, but it wasn't quite the same.

itsanne

An awful lot of posting on here seems to be making assumptions and projecting posters' own issues onto the OP's situation!

rpc

supersaver2 wrote: »

How on earth can you possibly say that this child that you don't know from Adam won't want to got and see his Mum?!

And if the stepson doesn't, then that is the stepson's choice to make. Providing both homes are decent, a child who is Gillick competent gets to choose themselves. What the parents want no longer has much weight.

So often on this forum, we see people being told, after separation, to keep everything balanced and fair when kids are young so that they can make their own decisions later in life. Now a young person has made their own decision but that can't be tolerated because it favours the parent with a Y chromosome!

trolleyrun

OP, I think you're doing the right thing by encouraging talks between SS and his dad. It sounds like SS has thought this through and has made his decision and I think it's wonderful that he's allowed to make that decision. I was never allowed to choose and made to stay with a parent that I didn't want to live with. It ended up in resentment and anger on my side and I had a thoroughly miserable time.

Your SS sounds like he's got his head screwed on properly (esp for a 14yo) and that this isn't some hormone charged decision. I'm presuming you will encourage him to visit his mother, as you don't sound like someone who would not do so.

I wish you luck and hopefully it'll work out for all of you

red_devil

when people say visit his mother what do they mean?

is he as a 14 year old want to go and spend weekends with her, he will have moved, started a new life and new friends, most kids at that age just want to be in one home and one place at weekends.

what will the mum and son do together, mums and sons rarely go out together at 14 do they?

i think he will just become distant and it will ruin their relationship. He is going to have to be awfully committed to his mum to want to go and see her. Its not round the corner either he cannot just walk there.

aliasojo

red_devil wrote: »

when people say visit his mother what do they mean?

is he as a 14 year old want to go and spend weekends with her, he will have moved, started a new life and new friends, most kids at that age just want to be in one home and one place at weekends.

what will the mum and son do together, mums and sons rarely go out together at 14 do they?

i think he will just become distant and it will ruin their relationship. He is going to have to be awfully committed to his mum to want to go and see her. Its not round the corner either he cannot just walk there.

It's kinda tough !!!! then isn't it?

If the relationship was good to begin with, it wont disappear just because they live in different houses.

You do seem to think the Mother should be almost the uppermost concern. As far as I'm concerned, the kid is.

trolleyrun

Red Devil, he's been visiting his father at weekends etc for the last 3 or so years. Why is it so different to him now visiting his mother at the weekends? It's up to the mother and son to decide what to do with their time together.

I was a weekend child when growing up and I lived further than 12 miles from the nrp. Neither parent had a car so had to walk 3 miles, take a train and then a bus. No mobile phones then either. Actually, where I lived, we didn't even have a landline until I was 13!

red_devil

trolleyrun wrote: »

Red Devil, he's been visiting his father at weekends etc for the last 3 or so years. Why is it so different to him now visiting his mother at the weekends? It's up to the mother and son to decide what to do with their time together.

I was a weekend child when growing up and I lived further than 12 miles from the nrp. Neither parent had a car so had to walk 3 miles, take a train and then a bus. No mobile phones then either. Actually, where I lived, we didn't even have a landline until I was 13!

because he is growing up now also because there are 2 other brothers at the house i think. whereas i presume it would be just him and his mum.

that would be boring for a boy for the whole weekend at 14 plus.

red_devil

aliasojo wrote: »

It's kinda tough !!!! then isn't it?

If the relationship was good to begin with, it wont disappear just because they live in different houses.

You do seem to think the Mother should be almost the uppermost concern. As far as I'm concerned, the kid is.

so would you be happy for your child to go and live with his dad and new family then?

Treevo

red_devil wrote: »

because he is growing up now also because there are 2 other brothers at the house i think. whereas i presume it would be just him and his mum.

that would be boring for a boy for the whole weekend at 14 plus.

Do you mean to say that the mother will have to engage her brain and think how to entertain her son? Just as his father has had to do since the marriage ended.

It seems to me as if you're projecting your issues onto the OP's situation.