Stepson wants to live with us - can his mother stop him?

Yorkie1

One thing which occurs to me, as he is 14, is that (assuming England / Wales) I think he will be starting his GCSE subjects next week in his present school, won't he? (Aged 14 = 4th year senior in old money = year 10??)

If that is the case, then you really don't want to be starting him off in one school for a few weeks, then having a trial period in a new school, before possibly reverting to the original school.

OP, have you made enquiries with local schools to see whether any of the local ones with decent Ofsted ratings have places?

Person_one

The son can decide to live with his dad and that be dealt with without getting into what an awful person his mother is. I'm sure he still loves her despite her flaws, and she loves him. It will be very hard on her, that's why I thanked the post saying 'spare a thought' for her.

I do see FBaby's point, whenever a stepmother/new partner posts on here about the ex, they are always an absolutely terrible person, lowest of the low. Its like they have to feel that the ex deserves to suffer, somehow, but real life doesn't have such clear cut good guys and bad guys.

supersaver2

red_devil wrote: »

have a thought for her will you, thats her son, the one she has raised, do you not think she will miss him etc? i am amazed would you like to give your son over to someone else?

Mum isn't quite giving her son to someone else, this is a teenager not an object to be given to somebody. This teen boy has expressed his wish to reside with his Dad, perhaps they have a better relationship, i certainly did with my dad as a teenage boy.

Treevo

Person_one wrote: »

The son can decide to live with his dad and that be dealt with without getting into what an awful person his mother is. I'm sure he still loves her despite her flaws, and she loves him. It will be very hard on her, that's why I thanked the post saying 'spare a thought' for her.

I do see FBaby's point, whenever a stepmother/new partner posts on here about the ex, they are always an absolutely terrible person, lowest of the low. Its like they have to feel that the ex deserves to suffer, somehow, but real life doesn't have such clear cut good guys and bad guys.

That's clearly not true!

dibuzz

I'd have been devastated if any of my kids had wanted to live with their dad but would have happily (on the surface) let them go if that's what they wanted. Surely the child is the most important person?
I do agree with Yorkie though, if he's about to start his GCSE year (which he has probably been working towards anyway) then schooling needs to be sorted out ASAP.
Good luck whatever you decide to do.

red_devil

itsanne wrote: »

As his father appears to have his best interests at heart, he will surely ensure that he keeps in touch in the same way as he has with his father until now.

The mother's situation will be no different to what the father's has been until now.

The boy can't live with them both.

will he ensure it though,

red_devil

Kayalana99 wrote: »

I know we can only know one side of the story but if the son is 14 and wants to live with his dad then thats his decision now as he is old enough to decide.

Right or wrong about what happens with the money/his mother missing him, doesn't matter. It's what the SS wants to do and from what the OP has said that the SS has said he is not using reasons like 'she wont buy me XXX' its 'she treats me like I don't exist' ... vaild reason to me.

his mum dosent matter jees how selfish!

Treevo

red_devil wrote: »

his mum dosent matter jees how selfish!

That's not what said. Her feeling upset doesn't matter - the child is important here. I can't imagine what kind of person would think the mother's feelings should take precedence here. Well I can.

FatVonD

I feel for the boy's mother, it's not always easy parenting a teenage boy and he could well be unhappy just because he's a teenage boy and doesn't agree with her ground rules for example.

I hope it's not something like that. I've raised my son pretty much on my own with very little support from his dad and I'd be gutted after putting in the hard work and making sacrifices if he decided to live with his dad because we were going through a rough patch and his dad encouraged him.

red_devil

mothers make sacrifices when they have children, for a child to come along and say i prefer it at my dads byee is selfish to me.