Teenagers :(

jayII

patchwork_cat wrote: »

I can't actually believe you all. Yes she is behaving inappropriately, but to call the police and throw her out is overreacting. I hope that non of you ever have a troubled teen as your knee jerk response to this behaviour will guarantee a child that goes off the rails and probably gets involved in alsorts- way to go!

She hit her 11 year old brother, on an eye that she probably knows he has muscle weakness in, so hard that his already damaged eye was swollen! That is nasty bullying and totally unacceptable.

If she'd hit a parent it would be unacceptable but could be managed. But to take her frustrations out on her weaker and younger brother, hitting him in a very vulnerable area is so not okay and does not bode well for her future behaviour.

It may be an aberration, she may usually be a lovely and protective big sister, but she still needs to be given a very strong message, for her sake as much as anyone else, that this behaviour is absolutely not okay!

From someone who has worked with troubled children, teens and adults for decades.

j.e.j.

Dunroamin wrote: »

So, you wouldn't throw out a husband or partner who hit you round the face in a particularly weak spot? Suppose this girl's boyfriend had done the same to her when he got his poor results - would you have encouraged her to tolerate it and sympathise with him?

Also, if they let her hit him, what's he going to do when he gets annoyed? Hit her, perhaps? He'll be stronger than her before long. They need to nip it in the bud, really, it could get out of hand.

jayII

patchwork_cat wrote: »

She needs support - ska lover is right she hasn't got the emotional maturity to deal with this knock back. Chill a bit, she will have taken modules in december - how did she do? She can retake, let her calm down and talk to her tutor, you talk to, it is up to her 6 th form to help her in this.

Yes she needs support, but her brother's right to feel safe and be safe, in his own home, is equally valid.

Seanymph

Rather than dragging her about and pushing 'education' have you explored her options with her, empowering her to make her own decision.

My eldest took a huge swerve at the end of A Levels - her sister did half way through, and my step son has just left engineering and gone to catering college!

In every case they were doing what was 'expected' but not what they wanted to do.

Now is a good time to treat your daughter as a young adult. Tell her it doesn't matter, there are limitless options for her, and you'll support her whatever she wants to do.

Many in my girls sixth from college had dropped a year to do something else, or retake, there are all sorts of courses at colleges, there are apprenticeships, there is travel, nannying, au pair........

she can do anything she fancies now. As long as you give her the strength to do it.

She's frightened.

She isn't handling it right, of course not, and hitting someone is never acceptable - but bless her it's all come down round her ears and she doesn't know what she wants.

Have you asked her?

marisco_2

ska_lover wrote: »

She's 17 and has just faced possibly the biggest disappointment of her young life - she is not emotionally mature enough to deal with her frustrations so is lashing out.

At 17 she should be emotionally mature enough to deal with this situation. All that has happened is she has gained lower grades than expected in a few exams. She hasn't lost a limb or been diagnosed with a life limiting illness. If she applied some calm common sense and logic to finding solutions, instead of lashing out verbally and physically she could easily overcome this small setback. Which in the great scheme of things is all this is. Time for this young woman to learn some skills in being resilient and jumping back on that horse. Otherwise life is going to upset and overwhelm her time and again.

victory

j.e.j. wrote: »

Also, if they let her hit him, what's he going to do when he gets annoyed? Hit her, perhaps? He'll be stronger than her before long. They need to nip it in the bud, really, it could get out of hand.

I agree with this^^^, the DD disappointment is obvious but to lash out with violence is a completely different thing to a bit of annoyed, ranting and raving with a few effs thrown in, life is never going to be perfect and it will always have curve balls thrown at you but that does never give you the right to hit another person just because your exam results were not to your satisfaction.

The exams can be re sat in January, the damage the DD has caused to the family because of it will take a lot longer to heal ...

victory

Seanymph wrote: »

but bless her it's all come down round her ears and she doesn't know what she wants.

?

Would you actually say' bless her' if she had hit your son?

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Seanymph wrote: »

Rather than dragging her about and pushing 'education' have you explored her options with her, empowering her to make her own decision.

My eldest took a huge swerve at the end of A Levels - her sister did half way through, and my step son has just left engineering and gone to catering college!

In every case they were doing what was 'expected' but not what they wanted to do.

Now is a good time to treat your daughter as a young adult. Tell her it doesn't matter, there are limitless options for her, and you'll support her whatever she wants to do.

Many in my girls sixth from college had dropped a year to do something else, or retake, there are all sorts of courses at colleges, there are apprenticeships, there is travel, nannying, au pair........

she can do anything she fancies now. As long as you give her the strength to do it.

She's frightened.

She isn't handling it right, of course not, and hitting someone is never acceptable - but bless her it's all come down round her ears and she doesn't know what she wants.

Have you asked her?

Nannying? Au Pair work? Seriously - when she's just deliberately injured a child because she was having a bad day?



I have to say that, having never been a person who would hit my children, had my eldest done that to her little sister as a pretty much fully grown adult - it would have been a close run thing as to whether I put her onto the streets or flat on her back.

**Patty**

Couple of things:

1. Yes i do know where she is.....she's at work.

2. Yes, calmly, I have asked her what she wants to do. She wants to *think about her options & then maybe she will look for a full-time job* ......maybe. I don't think maybe i will get a job is acceptable.

3. She doesn't want to do ANY college course. So talking about changing courses or changing directions is pointless.....she's not interested.

4. No she's not a loving & protective sister. Her excuse is that she can't stand him as he is *our* child whilst she is just *mine*.

5. Yes she has been spoilt. She used to be ranked in the top 6 in the uk for her sport. She's had all the support, coaching, lessons, trips & funding that comes as a package at that level of competition........yet it's not enough. We (me & the OH) should have given her more apparently.

**Patty**

Seanymph wrote: »

Now is a good time to treat your daughter as a young adult. Tell her it doesn't matter, there are limitless options for her, and you'll support her whatever she wants to do.

I'm sorry, i don't lie to my children.

She does not have limitless options.

She's 17 years old & after getting 3 D's & a C at AS level, thinks quitting & lying in bed half the day is a better life option than putting effort in & improving her chances with better grades or looking at other courses better suited to equipping her with skills to secure employment.

If she's hell bent on getting a job then she'll be supported all the way in that.......but if she wants to become a layabout then she's mistaken


*should add....we don't live in an area full of opportunity. We're in the midlands, in a small town.