Teenagers :(

Treevo

**Patty** wrote: »

I have had 2 weeks of hell with my 17 year old.

It started when she didn't get the grades she thought she would get with her AS levels. She's at 6th form & they do AS after the first year, then drop 1 subject to do the remaining 3 at A level.

Since then, we've gone from a child who has wanted to go to Uni for the last 5 years.........to a young adult who now wants to walk away from 6th form as she sees no point in going back because she no longer wants to follow the Uni route......she doesn't want to go to college as she thinks a BTEC is a waste of time......and she thinks a 15 hour a week part-time job is sufficient & she might look for a full-time one.

She's abusive. Both myself & my husband (he's her step-dad but we've been together since she was 4) have been called names & told to eff off several times this week.........and this morning, she hit her younger brother (11) across the side of his face which has caused his eye to swell. (he already has muscle issues in that eye but at the moment the optician says it self-corrects)........and apparently, she did nothing. So she's lieing. It's not the first time shes hit him.

I feel as though she's self-destructing and there's nothing I can do.

Does it pass? Do i just ride it out? Where do i draw the line about the violence towards her younger brother?

You need to punish her for assaulting her brother. I'd recommend the police given the severity.

You also need to inform her that if she doesn't intend to go back to sixth form, then she'll need to find a job that pays all her expenses. Not keep (that's for those doing the right thing) but rent for her room (say £200 a month if you're being generous) then £150 a month for her contribution to bills, and then that again for her contribution to the food shopping. If she can't afford this then you'll take every single penny that she earns and she'll have to live without her creature comforts like the Internet and decent food. No lifts, no family trips out for her. No phone either.

If she's in a bigger room than her brother then I'd also be swapping them around and basically letting her have the bare minimum until she pulls her finger out, grows up and stops being a violent spoilt thug.

Brighton_belle

Zero tolerance to violence and aggression towards her brother please - it is your job as a parent to protect him from such bullying in his home. Tell her she is bullying - name it.

Then tell her how much board she'll be paying if she gives up formal education - again, saying it firmly.

Then be sympathetic to her misery at the mo and keep trying to look for solutions, or point her in the direct of a school/careers counsellor.

Treevo

**Patty** wrote: »

I've tried talking to her (both calmly & upset) about how important her education is........she's adamant she doesn't want it.
I fetched her a prospectus for college.........we went & spoke to some course tutors so she would understand she still has options.....and she refused to fill the application form in.:(

She refuses to go to the job centre. Apparently they don't have jobs in there (i did have to try not to laugh)........it just exists for polish & foreign people (her words). It's all done online these days........which i assume translated as *I'm going to surf the internet in bed all day & chuck a few applications together*

After a week of shouting & crying.....I did talk to her about board.....and the difference between board & rent........as i thought ground rules were appropriate. She's flounced out the door this morning after hitting the youngest........with the words that *she's never coming back to this sh1**ole*

Good. Time to grown a backbone and pack her bags and clear out her room.

*max*

**Patty** wrote: »

I've tried talking to her (both calmly & upset) about how important her education is........she's adamant she doesn't want it.
I fetched her a prospectus for college.........we went & spoke to some course tutors so she would understand she still has options.....and she refused to fill the application form in.:(

She refuses to go to the job centre. Apparently they don't have jobs in there (i did have to try not to laugh)........it just exists for polish & foreign people (her words). It's all done online these days........which i assume translated as *I'm going to surf the internet in bed all day & chuck a few applications together*

After a week of shouting & crying.....I did talk to her about board.....and the difference between board & rent........as i thought ground rules were appropriate. She's flounced out the door this morning after hitting the youngest........with the words that *she's never coming back to this sh1**ole*

Stick a sign on the front door saying "Sh!thole closed until further notice. Might reopen upon grovelling apology to big and little occupants for appalling behaviour and general nastiness, pending review of future plans."

Then lock the door and have a cuppa.

Nasty young lady needs a lesson and a serious attitude check.

samtoby

What would she do if she was arrested for hitting someone and leaving a swollen eye - sure her attitude down the Police station would change!

Doesn't matter who she hits its unacceptable.

Dunroamin

**Patty** wrote: »

I've tried talking to her (both calmly & upset) about how important her education is........she's adamant she doesn't want it.
I fetched her a prospectus for college.........we went & spoke to some course tutors so she would understand she still has options.....and she refused to fill the application form in.:(

She refuses to go to the job centre. Apparently they don't have jobs in there (i did have to try not to laugh)........it just exists for polish & foreign people (her words). It's all done online these days........which i assume translated as *I'm going to surf the internet in bed all day & chuck a few applications together*

After a week of shouting & crying.....I did talk to her about board.....and the difference between board & rent........as i thought ground rules were appropriate. She's flounced out the door this morning after hitting the youngest........with the words that *she's never coming back to this sh1**ole*

Oh well, with any luck she means it!:D

Tiglath

*max* wrote: »

Stick a sign on the front door saying "Sh!thole closed until further notice. Might reopen upon grovelling apology to big and little occupants for appalling behaviour and general nastiness, pending review of future plans."

Then lock the door and have a cuppa.

Nasty young lady needs a lesson and a serious attitude check.

If I could thank you twice, I would! Excellent reply.

Treevo

I hope you've taken her keys off her, OP. And removed her access to the Internet when you're not there to supervise her.

She doesn't get to stay in a nice warm house with all the creature comforts when you're not there. She can go to the library or the Job Centre.

Artytarty

Patty, has she really left though? Are you not a bit worried that her pride may make her stay away now?
I'm one of the new breed of softie parent s, yes I had a tough mUm myself, who believes in always trying to keep the communication going and yes that does include to laying teenage behaviour in my book. It's very hard to be young in these times, the pressures are enormous.
Often ten anger we see is just affront for anxiety.

**Patty**

thorsoak wrote: »

Typed my post as you were posting! Do you know what her friends' plans are?

As far as i know......her friends have done ok with their results & are returning to complete their courses.

I attempted discussing money/household budgets and the overnight impact of her leaving education would have on our tax credits. The answer i got to that one was *so you only want me to get your benefits*. Yes, we get tax credits....that's it. When her & the middle one leave education, they'll stop as OH earnings take us over the threshold.