Teenagers :(

Person_one

Dunroamin wrote: »

No wonder so many young people today behave so badly, when silly adults make excuses for them.

In your amateur valueless opinion, of course...

Dunroamin

Person_one wrote: »

In your amateur valueless opinion, of course...

Of course - you don't need to be a professional to spot idiocy.

Netwizard

marisco wrote: »

I disagree with this way of thinking. Life is no more pressured for youngsters nowadays than it ever was. They have a choice in everything they do. No-one has to conform or to be or look perfect all the time. They don't have to be connected to anything if they decide that is not for them. Part of growing into a young adult is forming your own views and opinions, and not following along with everyone else like some lost sheep. So many people seem to make allowances and come up with reasons why teens can justifiably flip out. I think it sends them totally the wrong message as if it is almost accepted that it will happen at some point and be tolerated!

Exactly this. There is a "de-activate" or "off" button on facebook, mobile phones, computers etc.

As others have said, pack her bags and kick her out. She needs a short, sharp shock!

Netwizard

herand wrote: »

Way to make a mountain out of a molehill and really cause some major resentment and hinder her chances of engaging with family, education again.

I don't think hitting her brother and swearing and shouting at her parents is making a mountain out of a molehill.

If I had done that at her age, I would have been out on my !!!!. My parents would not have accepted that behavior.

I'm not a parent, and never hope to be, but hearing the antics of next doors kids and seeing the parents do nothing about it, parents need to stop being so bloody soft.

double_mummy

okay i was an absolutely horrible teenager swearing at my mum from around 13 hurting my sister from around 15 and a couple of months after i was 16 i moved out and had a baby at 17 and a second at 20 (both with double daddy) i worked from 16 but that all went on booze and fags (and some added extras) but moving out was the best thing i could have ever done i got myself into line am now qualified in a range of things

you basically have 2 options she is 17 so she either apologies and makes amends with her brother or she moves out if you allow her to continue on this way then it will get worse and the person who will get hurt the most is her brother

your actions are telling her that this is okay

write everything down in a letter i still have the one my mum wrote me outline all her options then tell her how she is making you feel get lil to write down how she is making him feel and put that in with it give her a time limit to whether sign up to college, 6th form or start looking for a full time job

if job hunting get her to use universal jobsmatch and make her give you the number and password so you can check she can only do this on the home computer under supervision

the router password is changed and all toys gizmos including tv are removed except for 1-2 hours job hunting per day

the rest of the day she is helping around the house doing something positive with lil bro or she is doing something positive with you or he SD

good luck and i hope your son is okay and will continue to be

paulineb_2

**Patty** wrote: »

If i've given the impression that i favour one of my children over the other, then that is not my intention. I love them all equally.

However.......it's my daughter's behaviour that i very much object to.

What have you done about her behaviour though?

Your son got hit, you know its not acceptable, but whats been done?

I wouldnt be throwing her out, chucking someone on the street isnt going to help you, because I think youd find it tough not knowing where she is

But if she stays, no violence and its not just that, its not acceptable to be as horrible to your son as she is. What kind of image of himself is he going to grow up with if his sister is consistently horrible to him verbally? Its not ok just because her nose is out of joint because you had another child with your partner. She needs to get over it.

The violence and the abuse of the child is the worst issue in this scenario, the other issues such as work, study, that can be sorted out.

Im not sure at 17 I knew exactly what I wanted to do academically and I made a few mistakes but I got there in the end.

I also dont think its unrealistic for a 17 year old to have a part time and not a full time job but even if she doesnt want to do the course of study she was planning, there are plenty of opportunities out there for her.

paulineb_2

**Patty** wrote: »

I have had 2 weeks of hell with my 17 year old.

It started when she didn't get the grades she thought she would get with her AS levels. She's at 6th form & they do AS after the first year, then drop 1 subject to do the remaining 3 at A level.

Since then, we've gone from a child who has wanted to go to Uni for the last 5 years.........to a young adult who now wants to walk away from 6th form as she sees no point in going back because she no longer wants to follow the Uni route......she doesn't want to go to college as she thinks a BTEC is a waste of time......and she thinks a 15 hour a week part-time job is sufficient & she might look for a full-time one.

She's abusive. Both myself & my husband (he's her step-dad but we've been together since she was 4) have been called names & told to eff off several times this week.........and this morning, she hit her younger brother (11) across the side of his face which has caused his eye to swell. (he already has muscle issues in that eye but at the moment the optician says it self-corrects)........and apparently, she did nothing. So she's lieing. It's not the first time shes hit him.

I feel as though she's self-destructing and there's nothing I can do.

Does it pass? Do i just ride it out? Where do i draw the line about the violence towards her younger brother?

A 15 hour a week part time job isnt actually too bad given this economic climate. I was working part time last year and tried and failed to get a second part time job, Id say that her working hours are the least of your worries.

Its not the first time shes hit him? What have you done about it the other times shes lifted her hand to him?

Your son is probably afraid of your daughter, I cant imagine what it must be like for the kid growing up in a home where he gets hit by his older sister.

gwynlas

Did her teachers predict her failure/low grades? if not why not?
One off strop violence ,and bad language can be forgiven if she apologises to all concerned. Set ground rules, leave future decision making until term restarts and you can take advice. Suggest she asks about raising part time hours to increase salary, start taking contribution for board. If behaviour persists explore option of her moving out to fathers or other family members or boyfriends parents as she wouldn't display same behavior towards them. Let her know door is always open for her to return once she's had some time out in the real world. If you/she decides she can stay then she has to make contribution to household in chores. until she can pay her way.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

paulineb wrote: »

A 15 hour a week part time job isnt actually too bad given this economic climate. I was working part time last year and tried and failed to get a second part time job, Id say that her working hours are the least of your worries.

Its not the first time shes hit him? What have you done about it the other times shes lifted her hand to him?

Your son is probably afraid of your daughter, I cant imagine what it must be like for the kid growing up in a home where he gets hit by his older sister.

Two thoughts on this;

1. He could end up as a young man feeling the appropriate way to respond to a girlfriend is to smack her one in the face if she does anything that reminds him of his sister, the memory and the powerlessness acting as a trigger. Would he get the equivalent of cuddles and hugs if he does the same at 17?

2. If her violent response to things not going her own way and feeling like she isn't the most important person in the universe isn't dealt with immediately, what's going to happen when she has children and they get more attention than her or her nose is put out of joint by her partner or employer?


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If somebody had posted that their 17 year old came home and said a 24 year old had smacked her in the eye, for no other reason than they didn't like her - what would the posters be suggesting then? Give the 24 year old a cuddle and try and work out what made him hit her?





And yes, I argued with one of my elder brothers. He never hit me, though. Because, even as a confused, neglected and abused 10 - 20 year old, he knew damn well that to hit his annoying little sister would have been wrong. As all normal people do.