Teenagers :(

Blackpool_Saver

The boy will be violent in a few years time if he sees that this is acceptable

Lagoon

I don't think I will EVER understand people letting teenagers off the hook with 'oh, he/she is just a child', or 'this is your child, so they have a right to remain in the house and how dare you kick them out?'

Really? This girl is 17. Old enough to know how to behave, and old enough that her mother needs to teach her to grow up and live in the real world.

As for the OP, the above wasn't a comment against her. It sounds like the OP realises that she's been too forgiving in the past, but that she wants to fix it. I'm just shocked at so many other people arguing for an unconditional home and this idea that a 17 year old can behave like a toddler because they're under the age of 18.

Person_one

Dunroamin wrote: »

Tip of the iceberg - ie 2/3 unseen below the surface.

I know, but if this is the first incidence of violence, I don't think it works very well. Physical violence adds a huge chunk of new ice on the top!

I suppose it doesn't really matter, in the scheme of things.

Loz01

Mojisola wrote: »

I think this attitude is part of the problem with young adults. My children are not "my babies" - they are capable young adults. I don't treat them like I did when they were little. I expect them to behave like responsible people.

Exactly!!!

She is always going to be your "child" OP but that doesn't mean she can act like a 3 year old! Good lord my mum would've gone ballistic if I'd have behaved this way at 17 years old!! Tell her to sharpen herself up.

**Patty**

I'd prefer iced cakes to icebergs, to be fair. Icebergs remind me of the NAS Earlybird triad of impairment & implied behaviour analysis.....and it's too late in the day for me to be brooding over that now:o

The lies/excuses have started...... She didn't hit him...she clipped him round the ear. He was rude. etc etc........there's always an excuse. There always has been.


Blackpool Saver....No, my son will not be violent in a few years time. You don't know him....or me for that matter......and yet you've judged both of us anyway. Hmmmm.

Dunroamin

**Patty** wrote: »

I'd prefer iced cakes to icebergs, to be fair. Icebergs remind me of the NAS Earlybird triad of impairment & implied behaviour analysis.....and it's too late in the day for me to be brooding over that now:o

The lies/excuses have started...... She didn't hit him...she clipped him round the ear. He was rude. etc etc........there's always an excuse. There always has been.


Blackpool Saver....No, my son will not be violent in a few years time. You don't know him....or me for that matter......and yet you've judged both of us anyway. Hmmmm.

Exactly the excuses most wife beaters make.:(

**Patty**

Person_one wrote: »

Have you ever sought any professional support or advice about the poor relationship between your two children?

I have to say, it sounds like this is the icing on the cake, rather than a unique incident.

No, but you raise an interesting point.. Any idea as to who or which service i could approach for this?

jayII

**Patty** wrote: »

I'd prefer iced cakes to icebergs, to be fair. Icebergs remind me of the NAS Earlybird triad of impairment & implied behaviour analysis.....and it's too late in the day for me to be brooding over that now:o

The lies/excuses have started...... She didn't hit him...she clipped him round the ear. He was rude. etc etc........there's always an excuse. There always has been.


Blackpool Saver....No, my son will not be violent in a few years time. You don't know him....or me for that matter......and yet you've judged both of us anyway. Hmmmm.

Is she narcissistic? Some of what you describe is typical teenage behaviour but the combination of violence, extreme self-interest, lack of empathy and the lying/excuses, is worrying.

I may be totally wide of the mark as it's obviously difficult to assess a situation based on postings on the internet, but her behaviour rings alarm bells for me.

Otherwise, has she learnt the violent behaviour and excuses somewhere, or witnessed it at some point in her life?

Person_one

**Patty** wrote: »

No, but you raise an interesting point.. Any idea as to who or which service i could approach for this?

Are there any pastoral staff at the school? Your GP who could potentially refer to CAMHS or another service? You could speak to Relate about family counselling, they aren't just for couples, or social services and tell them you're struggling and don't know where to go for help?

Here are a couple of websites, although I haven't had any personal experience with them, so have a look through, see what looks helpful:

http://familylives.org.uk/advice/teenagers/behaviour/teen-violence-at-home/

http://www.relate.org.uk/common-problem-details/67/index.html

Person_one

Dunroamin wrote: »

Exactly the excuses most wife beaters make.:(

While this is obviously very serious, surely you aren't suggesting that she just walks away from her teenage daughter the way you would hope to from a partner who hit you?