Teenagers :(

Dunroamin

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

How do you know that professionals are not on these forums and answering these posts

They may well be but none of us posts in a professional capacity on any MSE forum; on here we're all just amateurs, some with more knowledge than others.

Person_one

Dunroamin wrote: »

Domestic violence is domestic violence whoever is the perpetrator. The OP's son needs protecting from his sister just as much as he would from any adult behaving violently towards him in his home.

The 11 year old can be protected without the 17 year old being given up on.

Both of the OP's children need help here, both can be helped, she doesn't have to sacrifice one for the sake of the other.

LadyBones

You could try your local mental health service, they have specialists in young people's mental health, and can help her work through her issues through counselling. Of course she has to be willing to participate, but in my experience my daughter found it good to have someone impartial to listen, even though the suggestions they offered were much the same as ours!

jayII

Dunroamin wrote: »

If an almost adult has hit a young child, I don't particularly care why she did it, anymore than I care about why a man assaults his partner.

We aren't professionals working on the case so there's no need for professional impartiality.

Surely understanding the *why* is essential to improving the girl's behaviour and/or managing the situation in the long term?

Protecting the younger child must absolutely be the first priority, at all costs, but the 17 year old's behaviour has to be addressed and resolved if they are to go forward as a family. This will be easier if the adults have a good understanding of why she is behaving like this.

jayII

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

I meant the mental health services rather than the child protective services

I assumed you meant CAHMS or similar, but they are still likely to be biased towards the younger child, partly because part of their role is to be very aware of child protection issues, partly because that is just the way things tend to be.

Dunroamin

jayII wrote: »

Surely understanding the *why* is essential to improving the girl's behaviour and/or managing the situation in the long term?

Protecting the younger child must absolutely be the first priority, at all costs, but the 17 year old's behaviour has to be addressed and resolved if they are to go forward as a family. This will be easier if the adults have a good understanding of why she is behaving like this.

I didn't say that the OP didn't need to understand the behaviour, I said we didn't. Having said that, the OP seems to understand the behaviour quite well already; she realises her daughter has been spoiled.

Blackpool_Saver

Maybe she overcompensated as she knew the boy was the product of both of the parents whereas the girl was from the ex, who she admits was abusive. I can remember what went on when I was 4, I can hear the exact words my parents screamed at each other.

Blackpool_Saver

Dunroamin wrote: »

I didn't say that the OP didn't need to understand the behaviour, I said we didn't. Having said that, the OP seems to understand the behaviour quite well already; she realises her daughter has been spoiled.

How on earth can you have an opinion without a basic understanding, why do you think the services take the WHOLE history

Dunroamin

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

How on earth can you have an opinion without a basic understanding, why do you think the services take the WHOLE history

Because they're professionals doing a job.

We're a random group of strangers on an internet forum just lobbing opinions about - don't try to give our views more importance than they actually have.

ETA

Amateur psychology is a bit of a joke but even worse when the amateur psychologists start believing that their opinions have any genuine value.

jayII

Dunroamin wrote: »

I didn't say that the OP didn't need to understand the behaviour, I said we didn't. Having said that, the OP seems to understand the behaviour quite well already; she realises her daughter has been spoiled.

Ah, I misunderstood. You're right, if it's stripped to basics then the violence in this situation is simply unacceptable .

So it would seem.