Teenagers :(

j.e.j.

What on earth makes her think it's ok to slap her kid brother like that? Has it happened before? Does he hit her? There's quite an age difference between the two of them.

My suggestion is that she perhaps goes away for a week or two. Let the dust settle, don't think about exams, school, anything else. Then when things have calmed down she might see reason and go back to school or college. It's all too raw at the moment. She's taken a massive dent in her ego not getting the grades she thought she would, but it's not the end of the world!

I can only begin to imagine how pressured life is for youngsters these days, having to be and look perfect all the time, never being able to get away from it all, due to constantly being 'connected', - on FaceBook, Twitter and goodness knows what else. No wonder so many of them flip their lids.

marisco_2

j.e.j. wrote: »

I can only begin to imagine how pressured life is for youngsters these days, having to be and look perfect all the time, never being able to get away from it all, due to constantly being 'connected', - on FaceBook, Twitter and goodness knows what else. No wonder so many of them flip their lids.

I disagree with this way of thinking. Life is no more pressured for youngsters nowadays than it ever was. They have a choice in everything they do. No-one has to conform or to be or look perfect all the time. They don't have to be connected to anything if they decide that is not for them. Part of growing into a young adult is forming your own views and opinions, and not following along with everyone else like some lost sheep. So many people seem to make allowances and come up with reasons why teens can justifiably flip out. I think it sends them totally the wrong message as if it is almost accepted that it will happen at some point and be tolerated!

Funky_Bold_Ribena

OP, what actually happened once the grades were found out?

jayII

I'm extremely tolerant with my kids (18 & 20 yr olds now), would walk over coals for them, give them anything in my power, and they know it.

The swearing would have been ignored by me and addressed at a different time (much better to address non-dangerous issues when people are calm).

BUT violence and nastiness are not tolerated in my home!!

If one of mine had hit the other that hard, especially given the age gap of yours and the her knowing he has a weak eye, they would be severely punished and told they'd be leaving my home if anything like it EVER happened again. What a cruel, nasty thing to do!!

Your daughter needs serious consequences for this: I'd take her phone and computer, plus any other 'toys', then ground her for at least a week and give her a lost of chores she'd be doing every day to get back in her family's good books.

paulineb_2

Do you know where your daughter is right now? Is she at her bfs?

ska_lover

She's 17 and has just faced possibly the biggest disappointment of her young life - she is not emotionally mature enough to deal with her frustrations so is lashing out. That is all it is, she hasn't changed into a monster.

OP as frustrating as it is for you, how her results have turned out etc - you cannot live her life for her - if she doesn't want to return to college, you are going to give yourself high blood pressure trying to make her see sense. Sometimes you have got to stand back and let them make their own mistakes, and If I were in your situation, I would stand back (with regards to her life choices) right now.

The situation in the house, does need to stop. I would remove any priviledges such as internet access etc, and not do a thing for her until she starts behaving like one of the family rather than a lodger. I would not cook or wash her stuff etc. Tell her these will return when her attitude changes. The violence to her brother must be stopped

I disagree heartily with the posters who say kick her out. That will not improve her life, or her changes of having a decent future one bit. This girl is on a precipice and shoving her off into a homeless hostel WILL push her over and in effect ruin her life. As adult parents, we know this. This is why we stand by our offspring.

Give it time

j.e.j.

marisco wrote: »

I disagree with this way of thinking. Life is no more pressured for youngsters nowadays than it ever was. They have a choice in everything they do. No-one has to conform or to be or look perfect all the time. They don't have to be connected to anything if they decide that is not for them. Part of growing into a young adult is forming your own views and opinions, and not following along with everyone else like some lost sheep. So many people seem to make allowances and come up with reasons why teens can justifiably flip out. I think it sends them totally the wrong message as if it is almost accepted that it will happen at some point and be tolerated!

But if they don't they're ostracised, which at that age is a big thing. I think it's really unhealthy, this having to be connected all the time. And there's all their friends putting their 'lives' on FaceBook, and other sites, cyber bullying, etc. I wouldn't want to be a teen today.

Don't know what the set-up is in this family, though. Perhaps the girl's a bit spoilt and just lashes out when she doesn't get her own way. I sometimes think we (as a nation) are guilty of infantilising our kids, and then we wonder why they're immature!

patchwork_cat

Treevo wrote: »

Good. Time to grown a backbone and pack her bags and clear out her room.

I can't actually believe you all. Yes she is behaving inappropriately, but to call the police and throw her out is overreacting. I hope that non of you ever have a troubled teen as your knee jerk response to this behaviour will guarantee a child that goes off the rails and probably gets involved in alsorts- way to go!

She needs support - ska lover is right she hasn't got the emotional maturity to deal with this knock back. Chill a bit, she will have taken modules in december - how did she do? She can retake, let her calm down and talk to her tutor, you talk to, it is up to her 6 th form to help her in this.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

j.e.j. wrote: »

Don't know what the set-up is in this family, though. Perhaps the girl's a bit spoilt and just lashes out when she doesn't get her own way. I sometimes think we (as a nation) are guilty of infantilising our kids, and then we wonder why they're immature!

Or perhaps she has had a week of nagging and hassling to make a decision that she is not mature enough to make and finally snapped.

Dunroamin

patchwork_cat wrote: »

I can't actually believe you all. Yes she is behaving inappropriately, but to call the police and throw her out is overreacting. I hope that non of you ever have a troubled teen as your knee jerk response to this behaviour will guarantee a child that goes off the rails and probably gets involved in alsorts- way to go!

She needs support - ska lover is right she hasn't got the emotional maturity to deal with this knock back. Chill a bit, she will have taken modules in december - how did she do? She can retake, let her calm down and talk to her tutor.

So, you wouldn't throw out a husband or partner who hit you round the face in a particularly weak spot? Suppose this girl's boyfriend had done the same to her when he got his poor results - would you have encouraged her to tolerate it and sympathise with him?