Husband's ex wife wanting more money

Rebecca01

cazziebo wrote: »

Maybe I was just really lucky in that my ex would buy clothes, pay for school trips, etc without being asked. If I took the girls on holiday he would chip in with a fare.

Or maybe I was lucky in that he married someone who realised she was involved with a man with responsibilities and had enough respect for him and his children not just to not interfere, but also to actively support him. She treated my children like her own - the only criticism might be she was a bit too generous..

Actually, with the ex, it's not luck. Most of the men I know are exactly the same. They don't pay the minimum, they treat the children much as they would if they still lived with them. They don't think twice about covering "additional expenses". They recognise kids are expensive, and get more expensive as they get older.

On further reflection, you very rarely see posts like this from men, almost always the new partner. That's where I was lucky - my daughters have a fantastic step mum, and they know it.

What a lovely thing to say. :-) xx

julie2710

Melaniep101 wrote: »

Oh julie, your post has irked me a bit I understand of all people what it is like to bring up a child as a single parent. I have a daughter of nearly 19, that I have brought up alone from the day she was born. I have worked my backside off to support her alone, I've worked full time in jobs I don't like to pay the rent and keep a roof over our heads. I've never expected anyone else to finance my lifestyle, or buy me a house, or pay for a child I decided to have . As far as I'm concerned, no one owes me anything. My daughter's father is not a good man, and didn't do the right thing by either of us, but you know what, that's his loss, he has to live with that.

My husband on the other hand IS a good man, who wants to do the right thing by his son. But why should he subsidise his ex wife who told him she was filing for divorce a week after his beloved father died. He has his son every other weekend, drives 120 miles each way to collect him and another 120 miles to drop him off again. He buys him clothes, takes him away camping, takes him out for day trips and has him during school holidays.

What more could my husband possibly do to support his son? I think £450 a month is more than adequate to support a child, especially as she is almost mortgage free. I cannot feel sorry for her when she can afford to work part time, whilst we have to work full time to pay for our mortgage and day to day living.

I'm sorry you feel irked. I too am in the same boat, working full time to provide for my two boys whilst my ex pays nothing! I take them to him so they get to see him. Whilst I expect nothing from him for me I do expect him to pay for a lifestyle for HIS children, after all we were a couple and decided as a couple to have children. It wasn't my choice alone and whilst I try and ensure that my children get the best lives they can have I do feel sad that their father by not providing support is depriving them of a better lifestyle.

Whilst I appreciate that your current husband is doing what he can for his son and that the end of his marriage may not have been his choice surely you can appreciate that had he not separated from his ex then spending weekends with him, taking him camping, out for day trips etc etc would have been what he would have done for his son anyway? Why should a child have to miss out on things like this with either parent just because the two adults that created them aren't adult enough to worry that one may be getting more than the other financially?

A £30k mortgage may seem small but maybe her wages are small in comparison too. Yes she may work part time but maybe she doesn't have a local support network of friends who will look after her child pre and after school and the cost of child care might make it an option that sees no financial benefit?

tinkerbell28

I don't know why some posts have the undertone that you're a moaning stepmum op.

She'd easily be getting nearer 1.5-2k with the maintenance included. Now considering she has a mortgage of £30k that's going to me about £150pcm. Less than social housing.

Basically ALL that money is to feed, clothe, entertain and pay the bills. For 2!! She's hardly skint. The new school term hardly catches anyone by surprise.

I think by paying off most of the house, giving her £450 per month, providing this is roughly 15% is fine. I would be inclined to believe that if she can't budget on that, then the money is not being used for his benefit, but more hers, so I wouldn't hand over £150.

He has a second family now, she can't use him as a cashpoint forever. Using the child to fund her lifestyle.

No I'm not a stepmother, but if I were, I would say the same

**Patty**

julie2710 wrote: »

I'm sorry you feel irked. I too am in the same boat, working full time to provide for my two boys whilst my ex pays nothing! I take them to him so they get to see him. Whilst I expect nothing from him for me I do expect him to pay for a lifestyle for HIS children, after all we were a couple and decided as a couple to have children. It wasn't my choice alone and whilst I try and ensure that my children get the best lives they can have I do feel sad that their father by not providing support is depriving them of a better lifestyle.

Whilst I appreciate that your current husband is doing what he can for his son and that the end of his marriage may not have been his choice surely you can appreciate that had he not separated from his ex then spending weekends with him, taking him camping, out for day trips etc etc would have been what he would have done for his son anyway? Why should a child have to miss out on things like this with either parent just because the two adults that created them aren't adult enough to worry that one may be getting more than the other financially?

A £30k mortgage may seem small but maybe her wages are small in comparison too. Yes she may work part time but maybe she doesn't have a local support network of friends who will look after her child pre and after school and the cost of child care might make it an option that sees no financial benefit?

The child is 12.

Why would she be needing to pay a childminder?

Blackpool_Saver

has this got worse since you came on the scene? if so you have your answer.............

Blackpool_Saver

**Patty** wrote: »

The child is 12.

Why would she be needing to pay a childminder?

How the heck would you know if the child needs minding? do you know them personally?
have you got kids? did you leave your child alone?

clearingout

Melaniep101 wrote: »

Hi Paulineb

Yes, she also gets Child Benefit, and WTC, which is not affected by the amount of maintenance she receives. She also has her wages from her part time job. I believe she has a tiny mortgage remaining on a large 3/4 bed detached house (approx £30k) of which my husband paid the bulk of.

I think its unreasonable of her to a) demand it in the first place and b) give us no notice whatsoever.

Thanks for your help on this..

Oh the usual carp....how on earth could you possibly know:
a) how much she earns
b) how much her mortgage is
c) what her reasonable outgoings might be considered to be, all things considered because you can't possibly know what all those things might be
d) what debts may be hanging over from her divorce
e) what other debts she may have taken on since her divorce
f) and whilst I don't think it's been said, I expect at some point the 'but she wears designer clothes' argument will be thrown out. Maybe she does - purchased on ebay, charity shops, car boots...

Yes, you work hard. Don't we all. Some of us work harder than others. Some of us earn more than others. Marriages are made of many things - but are legally considered a business of 'equals' so this rubbish about 'my husband paid for her house' is exactly that: rubbish. You married a man with a child and a financial responsibility towards that child for the rest of his childhood. You knew this would mean a reduction of his income and that sometimes, there would be a need to make sacrifices in favour of the child. So why so angry? So bitter that his ex has a decent home - no doubt worked for by the pair of them in the past - whilst you have to work to pay for your home? Would you prefer to have seen her and the child in social housing in a carp area? She is who she is, you are who you are. Accept it and live your own life or be angry about it and let it eat you up to the point where it damages your relationship.

Way too many people happy to try and micromanage an ex's life and lifestyle without being in receipt of any or very few 'facts' and make those niggly, rude comments along the lines 'well, the money obviously isn't spent on the child' and 'oh gosh, the child is dressed like an orphan'....arrggghhh! If I had a pound for everytime I'd read that on here, I'd have no need to work for the rest of my life. It's rubbish, all of it. Designed to make the ex look 'bad' and the new partner 'good' and 'accepting' and somehow 'hard done by'.

and £150 for school uniform - I've just forked out £300 for three children, of the cheapest quality (basics from Asda). These items will need replacing during the school year and I had gathered some items prior to the summer holiday starting because I know I can't afford it all in one go. I haven't bought coats yet, or new PE kits even though they are probably needed. Child maintenance at CSA rate is a minimum contribution.

**Patty**

Blackpool_Saver wrote: »

How the heck would you know if the child needs minding? do you know them personally?
have you got kids? did you leave your child alone?

I have 3 thank you.

No childminder where I live would take a child of 12. At 12 any neurotypical child should be capable of looking after themselves if necessary for a short while.

My middle child is severely disabled and still needs 24hr care at 15, so whilst i would have loved to return to the career I spent 5 years studying for, it wasn't an option.

Blackpool_Saver

How short a time? and how do you know the child is neurotypical ?

I have raised disabled skids and my own son is on the spectrum, you should know better than to think every cap fits.....

olibrofiz

Sorry, bit puzzled about this. My understanding of maintenance is that the dad pays HALF of the cost to support the child? This includes household expenses, clothing etc. The absent parent isn't responsible for the whole financial support of their child.

OP's OH's ex is taking the !!!!. It would mean his school uniform costs £300 a year??? Really?? Say you'll arrange it all this year and ask her for £150!!!