Husband's ex wife wanting more money

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

paulineb wrote: »

Not every school insists on buying the uniform from the school though. Back in the mists of time when I went to school, we had to buy a school blazer, not from the school though, but where the shirts, skirts, shoes, tights, socks, pe tops and shorts came from was entirely the parents choice.

And Im aware some schools will stipulate that, but others wont. Anyone I know who is at secondary school in my area, its no different to when I was there, almost 30 years ago, the uniform is much the same, you buy a certain colour of blazer and sew the badge on yourself and as long as people adhere to the dress code, it matters not whether the skirts or trousers are from asda or elsewhere.

Bottom line is though, this woman gets 450 quid a month from the OP, its not like she gets no maintenance for the kid at all.

My Fella's just done it for his kid. On top of the usual maintenance - and not because he can necessarily afford it, or that he knows there will be somebody else to bail him out if he runs short of money this month. As it is, of course, between the two of us, we'll find a way of bumbling along together, enjoying the a la carte joys of Monsieur Tesco's yellow sticker menu - but he's doing it because he thinks it's the right thing to do. And I agree with him.


Having said that, I did gently point out a while ago that going round there to put money on the electric key wasn't going to teach her to budget more effectively - but school uniform? It's often a considerable expense, especially when on a small income (capital is irrelevant when looking at cashflow) and often can only be bought in a couple of days just as the school term starts.



Getting huffy about it really won't keep relations smooth - and a good relationship with the mother of a child really is the best thing for all concerned, including the child.

exarmydreamer

So to keep relations smooth, he should bow to her huffyness and give her spoiltness extra money because she could not budget. Me thinks, she is jealous of new partner and extra income and is hitting him for more.

FBaby

Regardless of the actual costs of the uniform, she should have budgeted and saved the money from the maintenance received as well as her salary. The fact that she hasn't bothered to do so doesn't mean that the father should be paying even more.

julie2710

I'm going to play devils advocate a bit here as I have to say I often find it annoying that people (often ex partners or new partners of exs) constantly complain at the rate of "maintenance" they have to pay to support their children. I often hear the "surely £x is more than enough to clothe a child?" Where does it say that the "maintenance" payment is solely for the use of clothing the child? Who pays for the roof over their head, the water they use, the food they eat, the electricity and gas used to light and heat their home, the soap, shampoo and other toiletries, their clothes, cough medicine or other over the counter remedies they may need, furniture in their home, bedding, on top of clothes, school trips, presents for school friends when they are invited to parties etc. In addition to this being a single parent means that you are providing the service of cook, cleaner, medic, carer, taxi, helper with homework etc etc. It impacts your work, you may only be able to work part time or if you work full time you will have to pay for additional childcare outside of school hours. It impacts your life. If you fancy going to a keep fit class in the evening you can't take the child/children with you, so a simple gym visit means paying for childcare!

When you add all that together maybe the £450 per month isn't that much after all? A childminder can cost anything between £5-10 per hour! Consider the impact on your lifestyle if you had to pay the going rate for all those services and commodities!

As far as the ex being "given" the house when they split and your partner having paid for it! I'm assuming this is whilst they were together and she didn't work. I would assume that they had agreed she would be a stay at home mum so was making a contribution albeit not in actual monetary terms! She took out a £30k mortgage so she wasn't actually given it and is now paying for the roof over her child's head! Why should she downsize? It's her child's home! If she could live in tent to save her some maintenance would that be expected.

Yes she possibly should have asked sooner. Maybe her ex could have offered. He after all knew in advance that sons holidays were ending and he would need school uniform or is he just of the mind that he needs to just pay the minimum that was awarded?

It amazes me that absent dads are more than happy for mums to compromise their lifestyle to care for their children but complain at having to do so themselves.

That said I also know some women do take advantage of exs. Has she actually said she will stop access? If she had that is wrong and one shouldn't depend on the other.

Try not to think of maintenance as a clothing allowance plus a way of subsidising the mother's lifestyle. What it is in reality is a payment to ensure that the parent whom the child resides with is able to provide a lifestyle for that child that is as close as possible to the lifestyle that the child would have experienced had their parents stayed together.

peachyprice

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

A senior school uniform for DD2 cost

Blazer - £45 (had to be from the school)
Jumper - £25 (had to be from the school)
Tie - £12 (had to be from the school)
Shortsleeved PE top - £22 (had to be from the school)
Shorts - £12 (had to be from the school)
Longsleeved PE top - £27 (had to be from the school)
Long socks for PE - £12 a pair (had to be from the school)

Boot bag for PE - £7 (had to be from the school)
Holdall for PE - £17 (had to be from the school)

Set of nametapes in house colours - £8 (had to be from the school)

School skirt - £22.50 (had to be from the school)



The only things that could be bought cheaper were the shirts, normal socks (well, knee length black ones, which always cost more than a packet of 5 pairs of ankle socks) and shoes.


Kitting out a secondary school pupil is nothing like kitting out a 4 year old.

You don't replace the whole uniform every year though. The boy is going into year 8, not year 7 with a whole new uniform.

lostinrates

peachyprice wrote: »

You don't replace the whole uniform every year though. The boy is going into year 8, not year 7 with a whole new uniform.

Op said the boys clothes (leisure clothes) are too small and they replaced some, so maybe he has had a big growth spurt?

CH27

peachyprice wrote: »

You don't replace the whole uniform every year though. The boy is going into year 8, not year 7 with a whole new uniform.

I had to. My son grew like a weed.

Clutterfree

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

A senior school uniform for DD2 cost

Blazer - £45 (had to be from the school)
Jumper - £25 (had to be from the school)
Tie - £12 (had to be from the school)
Shortsleeved PE top - £22 (had to be from the school)
Shorts - £12 (had to be from the school)
Longsleeved PE top - £27 (had to be from the school)
Long socks for PE - £12 a pair (had to be from the school)

Boot bag for PE - £7 (had to be from the school)
Holdall for PE - £17 (had to be from the school)

Set of nametapes in house colours - £8 (had to be from the school)

School skirt - £22.50 (had to be from the school)



The only things that could be bought cheaper were the shirts, normal socks (well, knee length black ones, which always cost more than a packet of 5 pairs of ankle socks) and shoes.


Kitting out a secondary school pupil is nothing like kitting out a 4 year old.

peachyprice wrote: »

You don't replace the whole uniform every year though. The boy is going into year 8, not year 7 with a whole new uniform.

I agree with Jojo, £150 doesn't go far when kitting out a child in secondary school and that's without school shoes, trainers, football boots...

Peachy, perhaps the boy has had a growth spurt and the year 7 uniform no longer fits.
Perhaps that is why she had not budgeted for it - she expected him to wear last years uniform but he had a growth spurt over the summer and they no longer fit.
I'm not saying I agree with her demands though.
Could you go halves? Or if you think the amount is extortionate, ask for a list and source it yourself?

Rottensocks

If you decide to contribute to school uniform, the response should be: Yes please let us know what items he needs, and what items you have already bought.....

You can then buy it yourself. Its still money you're spending , but at least you can be sure it has been spent on uniform,as requested, and not just on other sundries.

prowla

I pay my ex £1100/month for her rent + £340/month for her car + I look after the kids half of the time + I buy them clothes (they are mine too).