Husband's ex wife wanting more money

paulineb_2

Melaniep101 wrote: »

Husband feels backed into a corner by her, he's worried that she will stop him seeing his son, or make his life difficult, if he doesn't go along with what she wants. I'm trying to get him to stand up to her and tell her no! She demanded an xbox last year, as the other one was broken. He was about to pay her when I told him that an xbox is not a necessity, and his son could ask for one for his birthdday/xmas like most other kids!

She's not itemised the £150, just wants it handed over I think.

She cant stop him seeing his son if theres an access agreement worked out, what I mean is, if its an informal one between them then yes she can make his life tough, but if it means that he needs to go down the legal route to get formal access drawn up (and I appreciate that its costly), maybe thats what needs to be done

Your husband cant spend his life backed into a corner, waiting for the next monetary demand just incase she tries to stop him seeing his kid

As someone else said, get to asda and buy him some stuff, hand it over plus receipt and if it doesnt fit, she can take it back and swap it

No way would I be handing over £150 for this when shes earning, has less outgoings than you and gets top ups of child tax and working tax credit

I reckon she'll be getting over a grand a month in wages, maintenance and benefits, possibly up to £1500, shes hardly on the breadline.

Guest101

Did she get the house or was she allowed to remain until the son is 18, when it will be sold?

It's unlikely that she got the house AND your husband has to pay the mortgage.

tinkerbell28

Just give you an idea...£150 is roughly what I spent on 3 children....which included 3 pairs of kickers....by shopping about.

Melaniep101

Guest101 wrote: »

Did she get the house or was she allowed to remain until the son is 18, when it will be sold?

It's unlikely that she got the house AND your husband has to pay the mortgage.

He paid the mortgage, bills, groceries etc for the duration of their marriage. When they divorced, she got the house , but I believe she had to take out a £30k mortage to pay it off. He had paid the majority off. He doesn't pay the mortgage now. House is probably worth £300k now.

Melaniep101

tinkerbell28 wrote: »

Just give you an idea...£150 is roughly what I spent on 3 children....which included 3 pairs of kickers....by shopping about.

To be honest, I don't think she has any intention of spending £150 on school uniform... maybe £50 of it but I would suspect that she would squirrel the rest away in her bank account...

aileth

I don't have children, but £150 seems an awful lot for a school uniform for one child!

celyn90

If he wants to contribute, could he not get hold of the list of what is needed and buy the some of the uniform rather than send the money?

peachyprice

If your step son is 12, he is going into year 8 so will have the majority of the expensive uniform from when he joined in yr7, he should only need a top up of trousers, shirts and shoes.

How did she manage last year when he had to have a whole new uniform for secondary school?

maman

I've been in a similar situation. DH's ex would spend, spend, spend on herself and send DSD to us looking so scruffy that we had to buy her clothes and shoes. Our eventual solution (she came to live with us) isn't likely to happen but I think your DH shouldn't part with any more cash.

If he's 12 he's not new to secondary school so I'd guess he just needs basics (shirts, trousers, shoes) and maybe a couple of new sweatshirts. If his school does blazers than he's unlikely to have grown out of that. Do you remember what happened last year when there was likely to have been huge expense on new uniform?

If he feels guilty then I'd ask her what exactly the boy needs for school. Tell her how inconvenient it is but that rather than see the boy embarrassed (again!!) by wearing clothes too small you'll buy him some shirts and trousers or whatever from the list. Don't hand over money, buy them yourself.

One poster seemed to suggest telling the boy why this was happening. I wouldn't involve him in adults' problems. He's probably only too aware and shouldn't have to take sides.

cazziebo

Ex wife works part time in a shop, so probably close to minimum wage.

OP and partner work in highly stressful IT jobs so presumably well paid ones.

Ex wife bought out partner's share of home as part of settlement, and maintenance sum agreed of £450 pcm. If partner's salary is around £45-£50k (standard IT mid career role) then that seems reasonable amount.

Might get flamed here but I don't think it's reasonable to request some additional support for what might be deemed extraordinary expenses- especially as she is on a low income. (a one income household?) If partner was still married to child's mother he would be contributing. I do think it's unreasonable to ask with no notice.

Child maintenance should not be paying as little as you can get away with, it should be ensuring the child is as well cared for as possible.

Whatever, it's not your argument, OP. This is between the mother and father of the child. The access argument is a red herring - at 12 the boy will make up his own mind.