Husband's ex wife wanting more money

Pollycat

Melaniep101 wrote: »

Just wondered if I could ask you lovely people's opinion on a situation that has arisen this morning.

Background:

Me and hubby have been married for 18 months, together for 4 years. He has a son of 12 by his previous marriage (We met long after hubby got divorced so I wasn't involved in the breakup), ex wife was given the family home as part of the divorce settlement (hubby paid for the house/mortgage) and receives £450 per month child maintenance.

Ex wife works part time in a shop, whilst we both work full time in very stressful IT jobs in order to pay our huge mortgage and bills (modest house, but we could only get a 19 year mortgage due to hubby's age).

The ex wife has now been in touch to demand £150 for school uniform for their son - should this be down to us to fund?

I'm mad as hell as she's given us no notice, plus shouldn't this be down to her to budget for, given that my husband pays her a large chunk of money every month?

What does your husband think about this request?

Has she itemised what this £150 is for?

mummyroysof3

I would tell her that you could give a small contribution but on short notice that's all you can afford. Don't think you should have to but I would to ensure he gets some that fits for his sake not hers

mummyroysof3

I would also suggest getting a list of what's needed so you know true cost incase she inflated it

ERICS_MUM

he pays £450 per month - is that within (or over) the CSA guidelines, which I believe is 15% of net salary for one child.

If yes then he is clearly not obliged to pay regardless of how much disposable income he has, NOR if the ex-wife's "income" is lower than his.

If it's less then obviously he can either pay for ad-hoc things such as this or increase monthly child support.

Ex wife should be budgeting for periodic expenses that she knows about in advance.

I know from a family member in a similar situation that money and children is a poisonous mix in any ex-marriage unfortunately.

marisco_2

I think your husbands ex wife has a cheek to be demanding at short notice that he pay for their sons school uniform. If she works the minimum hours to qualify for tax credits and claims child benefit, then that added to her salary and the child maintenance paid, should enable her to budget quite comfortably.

School uniform is an on-going cost that she is well aware of and should have made allowances for. I think he would be quite within his rights to tell her a firm no, and that she should purchase the clothing herself out of the money already provided. If he gives in on this occasion for a quiet life he is making a rod for his own back. She sounds like the type who given an inch would try to take a mile.

Melaniep101

Pollycat wrote: »

What does your husband think about this request?

Has she itemised what this £150 is for?

Husband feels backed into a corner by her, he's worried that she will stop him seeing his son, or make his life difficult, if he doesn't go along with what she wants. I'm trying to get him to stand up to her and tell her no! She demanded an xbox last year, as the other one was broken. He was about to pay her when I told him that an xbox is not a necessity, and his son could ask for one for his birthdday/xmas like most other kids!

She's not itemised the £150, just wants it handed over I think.

FBaby

Unless he is in private school with massive uniform costs, her request is utterly laughable. It would mean that if she expects his father to pay £150 in addition to the maintenance he already pays, she should also contribute £150. £300 for a regular uniform is ridiculous.

People like her make me so angry and give pwcs a bad name. She should be told that if she contributes the same than her ex, that's £900 a month for one child, more than enough to budget for uniform costs.

FBaby

Melaniep101 wrote: »

Husband feels backed into a corner by her, he's worried that she will stop him seeing his son, or make his life difficult, if he doesn't go along with what she wants. I'm trying to get him to stand up to her and tell her no! She demanded an xbox last year, as the other one was broken. He was about to pay her when I told him that an xbox is not a necessity, and his son could ask for one for his birthdday/xmas like most other kids!

She's not itemised the £150, just wants it handed over I think.

How far away do they live? If he is 12, he will very soon be able to decide himself to come and see his dad when he wants to. If he is so concern about it I would suggest that HE takes his son to buy some uniform items and explaining that his mum should also be paying for some things as he provides a huge maintenance to be spent on his needs only.

marisco_2

Melaniep101 wrote: »

Husband feels backed into a corner by her, he's worried that she will stop him seeing his son, or make his life difficult, if he doesn't go along with what she wants.

What an awful position to be in. It is horrendous when a parent feels they have to let an ex financially blackmail them for fear of not seeing their own child.

Pollycat

Melaniep101 wrote: »

Husband feels backed into a corner by her, he's worried that she will stop him seeing his son, or make his life difficult, if he doesn't go along with what she wants. I'm trying to get him to stand up to her and tell her no! She demanded an xbox last year, as the other one was broken. He was about to pay her when I told him that an xbox is not a necessity, and his son could ask for one for his birthdday/xmas like most other kids!

She's not itemised the £150, just wants it handed over I think.

Ah, I see.

Very tricky situation for your OH.

I agree with other posters and think that Erics Mum asks a very good question about what percentage the £450 is and whether it is within the CSA guidelines.

I would not - in any circumstances - hand over £150 without knowing to the penny what it is going to be spent on.
And, if your OH really feels he needs to fund this expense, I'd buy the uniform items myself instead of handing the money over.