Husband's ex wife wanting more money

kingfisherblue

duchy wrote: »

Twelve year olds do cost a blinking fortune in holiday time - suddenly they turn into money eating monsters wanting money for bowling, themeparks etc -especially if Mum is working - better to keep them occupied than mooching around and grow like weeds - so it is entirely possible he's grown out of uniform in a year. Oh and they eat more than most grown men too - most fridges look like a locust swarm decimated it every time you come home from work LOL

Did you take the boy away on holiday or did his mother shoulder the entire burden of the summer holidays ? It could have cleaned her out.

I'm guessing you don't have kids OP so perhaps don't see how much of a strain summer holidays can put on a low income single parent household.

Your fridge looks like mine then!

I also agree that kids can grow very quickly, and most boys have a growth spurt when they enter puberty as well. My 13 year old has always been tall, and he has been wearing adult clothes for a while now. Shirts from the supermarkets just don't fit, so I pay almost a tenner for each one, from Matalan. His blazer only lasts a year, by which time it is getting short on the arms. Shoes are a big problem, quite literally. I've just bought him his size 15 boots for school, and I'm hoping that his feet don't grow much more. I've not found any affordable football boots in his size locally - or any at all to be honest!

I have budgeted for summer and uniforms - I have two teenage lads. My older son is disabled and can only wear certain boots due to his mobility needs, and they are also expensive. Finding dark grey joggers with no name on them and no stripes down the leg has also been difficult and more expensive than other joggers.

But although I saved and budgeted, I have had a couple of unexpected payments in the past three months, which have eaten into my savings (now virtually non-existent). I won't be asking my ex to pay towards anything, as he would definitely refuse and would try to make my life hell for even asking. He pays the minimum CSA, and it has to be taken directly from his wages due to non-compliance. It is also a lot lower than the amount the OP's husband pays, but then again, he is a lower earner.

The OP mentions high housing costs but this is not considered when maintenance is worked out, unless the case was opened pre 2003.

I agree that the ex should have given more notice, but at least it s only half the cost and not the full amount that she has requested.

Melaniep101

duchy wrote: »

You ignored the holiday question btw

Husband is taking him to Cornwall for a week tomorrow, they are having a boys camping holiday.

Before you infer something sinister is going on, I can't go as I can't get the week off work (last week of the month, I work in IT sales). We have had to arrange the holiday around his mum, so no choice on when we could go.

SingleSue

aileth wrote: »

I don't have children, but £150 seems an awful lot for a school uniform for one child!

Depends on the school, at the one my boys are at, everything has to be branded (even their blooming socks!) and can only be purchased from one source....no buying jumpers etc from Asda.

It cost me nigh on £300 last August/September to kit out two children for high school and a 6th former and that was with cutting lots of corners!

cazziebo

I was a single parent who worked full time since my youngest daughter was 5 months old.

Bearing in mind I had a reasonably supportive ex partner and spouse , from then until secondary it was easy. I had a full time childminder until she was 10, when I moved house to be closer to work.Then my daughter was the oldest at the after school club. It was a mix of finding after school activities and cutting hours (and income) to be at home for most of the extra time.

Btw my oldest daughter's blazer (compulsory state school) was £95 . Me and her dad would always have a conversation (and a moan!) about who would pay for what at school terms, holidays, and Christmas (as well as orthodontic treatments, gap years and every other bluddy expense teenagers throw at you!

SingleSue

peachyprice wrote: »

You don't replace the whole uniform every year though. The boy is going into year 8, not year 7 with a whole new uniform.

With the quality of clothing provided at the boy's school....yes you do! It doesn't last a school year, let alone be able to cover additional years. The cynical part of me thinks this is a cunning ploy to make even more money.....

Rottensocks

olibrofiz wrote: »

It would mean his school uniform costs £300 a year??? Really?? Say you'll arrange it all this year and ask her for £150!!!

Not such a bad idea: say you'll buy his uniform next year if she foots the bill this year....That could work?

(Although I do think £450pcm is enough to feed, bathe and clothe a kid).

duchy

Rottensocks wrote: »

Not such a bad idea: say you'll buy his uniform next year if she foots the bill this year....That could work?

(Although I do think £450pcm is enough to feed, bathe and clothe a kid).

It could work if the mother has funds...but what if she's asking because she doesn't?
Jam tomorrow doesn't clothe a child.

Feed. bathe and clothe.....how about house ?
Children have this weird habit of needing bedrooms, require luxuries like hot water for baths , break things now and again etc etc.

The reason why CS is linked to income was to try to prevent children talking a massive drop in living standards surely otherwise there would be a bare subsistance calculation like there is for JSA-and everyone would recieve the same amount.

I've noticed the OP is very typical of second "wives" that they seem to happily set up home with these fathers and two or three years in start to moan and gripe about child support and complaining their lifestyle is compromised because of the father's children's needs. It's like they reach a point and suddenly everything changes in their heads (or maybe the resentment was always there and they at that point in time feel secure enough to start griping and wanting to change arrangements they were fully aware of when they moved in?) I really don't get it -Child Support is hardly a new concept within their relationship ...... and why is it always the second wives and not the fathers who post ? Is it that they accept their child is their child for life and not just the duration of the marriage and they aren't resentful in the same way .....or are there other reasons ?

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

peachyprice wrote: »

You don't replace the whole uniform every year though. The boy is going into year 8, not year 7 with a whole new uniform.

My ex grew from four foot nine to six foot five over the course of four years at senior school and went from a pathetically scrawny kid to somebody with a 42" chest purely due to muscle and skeletal development, not putting on fat. What part of the uniform did his parents not have to replace? His tie.

My girls were the only ones at their schools who still had the same blazer when they left school, because they are both very slender. Both had to have new pe kit, shoes, boots, shirts, jumpers and skirts/trousers every year, because they grew too tall for them.

Teenagers grow very quickly. People forget that in the rush to lain it's all easy to predict in advance. Mine would have stuff still fitting in June, but then look like they were wearing somebody else's clothes by the end of August.

Melaniep101

duchy wrote: »

It could work if the mother has funds...but what if she's asking because she doesn't?
Jam tomorrow doesn't clothe a child.

Feed. bathe and clothe.....how about house ?
Children have this weird habit of needing bedrooms, require luxuries like hot water for baths , break things now and again etc etc.

The reason why CS is linked to income was to try to prevent children talking a massive drop in living standards surely otherwise there would be a bare subsistance calculation like there is for JSA-and everyone would recieve the same amount.

I've noticed the OP is very typical of second "wives" that they seem to happily set up home with these fathers and two or three years in start to moan and gripe about child support and complaining their lifestyle is compromised because of the father's children's needs. It's like they reach a point and suddenly everything changes in their heads (or maybe the resentment was always there and they at that point in time feel secure enough to start griping and wanting to change arrangements they were fully aware of when they moved in?) I really don't get it -Child Support is hardly a new concept within their relationship ...... and why is it always the second wives and not the fathers who post ? Is it that they accept their child is their child for life and not just the duration of the marriage and they aren't resentful in the same way .....or are there other reasons ?

How dare you "define" me! You don't know me, nor have you read my posts properly. And how dare you insinuate that just because I am a second wife, my behaviour will be a certain way. Talk about generalising! I'm not justifying myself any further to someone who makes unfounded assumptions, analyse it all you like, I couldn't care less what you think.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Melaniep101 wrote: »

How dare you "define" me! You don't know me, nor have you read my posts properly. And how dare you insinuate that just because I am a second wife, my behaviour will be a certain way. Talk about generalising! I'm not justifying myself any further to someone who makes unfounded assumptions, analyse it all you like, I couldn't care less what you think.

Why did you post this if you didn't care what other people think, if it wasn't looking for external validation that everybody else agreed with you?