Husband's ex wife wanting more money

duchy

I'm not seeing anywhere that the PWC has threatened to withdraw access....and at 12 it it very unlikely to start now unless there is more to this (possibly that the boy doesn't like visiting because he has to spend time with a woman who doesn't like his mother and is always complaining about money in his hearing ?). Kids aren't daft.

Twelve year olds do cost a blinking fortune in holiday time - suddenly they turn into money eating monsters wanting money for bowling, themeparks etc -especially if Mum is working - better to keep them occupied than mooching around and grow like weeds - so it is entirely possible he's grown out of uniform in a year. Oh and they eat more than most grown men too - most fridges look like a locust swarm decimated it every time you come home from work LOL

Did you take the boy away on holiday or did his mother shoulder the entire burden of the summer holidays ? It could have cleaned her out.

I'm guessing you don't have kids OP so perhaps don't see how much of a strain summer holidays can put on a low income single parent household.

Perhaps look past your resentment (after all you chose to marry this man knowing he had the financial responsibility of a child) and see if there is a bigger picture ?

cazziebo wrote: »

Ex wife works part time in a shop, so probably close to minimum wage.

OP and partner work in highly stressful IT jobs so presumably well paid ones.

Ex wife bought out partner's share of home as part of settlement, and maintenance sum agreed of £450 pcm. If partner's salary is around £45-£50k (standard IT mid career role) then that seems reasonable amount.

Might get flamed here but I don't think it's reasonable to request some additional support for what might be deemed extraordinary expenses- especially as she is on a low income. (a one income household?) If partner was still married to child's mother he would be contributing. I do think it's unreasonable to ask with no notice.

Child maintenance should not be paying as little as you can get away with, it should be ensuring the child is as well cared for as possible.

Whatever, it's not your argument, OP. This is between the mother and father of the child. The access argument is a red herring - at 12 the boy will make up his own mind.

Melaniep101

duchy wrote: »

I'm not seeing anywhere that the PWC has threatened to withdraw access....and at 12 it it very unlikely to start now unless there is more to this (possibly that the boy doesn't like visiting because he has to spend time with a woman who doesn't like his mother and is always complaining about money in his hearing ?). Kids aren't daft.

Twelve year olds do cost a blinking fortune in holiday time - suddenly they turn into money eating monsters wanting money for bowling, themeparks etc -especially if Mum is working - better to keep them occupied than mooching around and grow like weeds - so it is entirely possible he's grown out of uniform in a year. Oh and they eat more than most grown men too - most fridges look like a locust swarm decimated it every time you come home from work LOL

Did you take the boy away on holiday or did his mother shoulder the entire burden of the summer holidays ? It could have cleaned her out.

I'm guessing you don't have kids OP so perhaps don't see how much of a strain summer holidays can put on a low income single parent household.

Perhaps look past your resentment (after all you chose to marry this man knowing he had the financial responsibility of a child) and see if there is a bigger picture ?

Nope, I NEVER talk about his mum or money in front of him, why would I do that? I'm not a complete imbecile.

Yes, I do have a child, so wrong again... My daughter is nearly 19, I raised and supported her myself and I'm proud to say that she's going to Uni in September.

Yes, I married my husband knowing that he had responsibilities, however we don't have the disposable income to support someone who is perfectly capable of working full time.

Nicki

Melaniep101 wrote: »

Nope, I NEVER talk about his mum or money in front of him, why would I do that? I'm not a complete imbecile.

Yes, I do have a child, so wrong again... My daughter is nearly 19, I raised and supported her myself and I'm proud to say that she's going to Uni in September.

Yes, I married my husband knowing that he had responsibilities, however we don't have the disposable income to support someone who is perfectly capable of working full time.

My understanding was that it was in fact illegal for 12 year old children to work full time!

duchy

**Patty** wrote: »

I have 3 thank you.

No childminder where I live would take a child of 12. At 12 any neurotypical child should be capable of looking after themselves if necessary for a short while.

.

What is a short while ?
Does it equate to a worked shift -plus travelling time ?
We are told that in this case the PWC "works part-time in a shop" so that could mean anything from 4 hour shifts to 8 hour shifts.
In many ways childcare for an over 11 can be more difficult than for younger kids as often there is still a need for supervision but no provision for it and 8 or 9 hours *is* too long to leave them completely unsupervised in some cases (some kids are very sensible at 12-some are not)

Melaniep101

Nicki wrote: »

My understanding was that it was in fact illegal for 12 year old children to work full time!

Lol, I wasn't talking about my stepson, silly :rotfl:

Nicki

Melaniep101 wrote: »

Lol, I wasn't talking about my stepson, silly :rotfl:

So do you think the ex wife is planning on wearing a 12 year old boy's school uniform then? Given you have now established that the uniform DID cost £300 and that the £150 requested was for this purpose.

duchy

Melaniep101 wrote: »

Nope, I NEVER talk about his mum or money in front of him, why would I do that? I'm not a complete imbecile.

Yes, I do have a child, so wrong again... My daughter is nearly 19, I raised and supported her myself and I'm proud to say that she's going to Uni in September.

Yes, I married my husband knowing that he had responsibilities, however we don't have the disposable income to support someone who is perfectly capable of working full time.

Begs the question -as a single parent (or did you leave the child's father for your present boyfriend?) did her father not contribute at all ? If you got no help from the child's father and found it easy -it perhaps explains some of your attitude .
As for not wanting to support the child........ Tough ! You married a man knowing he had responsibilities that will continue for years -it's a bit late to complain now that child support is required.
Frankly you sound a bit jealous of the boy and there has been no mention of you having any affection for him at all. Do you not think he picks up on how you feel -kids do-even if we try to hide it .....and husbands tend to get a bit tired of it after a while too.

duchy

Melaniep101 wrote: »

Nope, I NEVER talk about his mum or money in front of him, why would I do that? I'm not a complete imbecile.

Yes, I do have a child, so wrong again... My daughter is nearly 19, I raised and supported her myself and I'm proud to say that she's going to Uni in September.

Yes, I married my husband knowing that he had responsibilities, however we don't have the disposable income to support someone who is perfectly capable of working full time.

You ignored the holiday question btw

Melaniep101

Nicki wrote: »

So do you think the ex wife is planning on wearing a 12 year old boy's school uniform then? Given you have now established that the uniform DID cost £300 and that the £150 requested was for this purpose.

No, ex wife has asked for £150 as she says the uniform will cost £300. That's not establishing that the uniform DID cost £300 at all.

Melaniep101

duchy wrote: »

Begs the question -as a single parent (or did you leave the child's father for your present boyfriend?) did her father not contribute at all ? If you got no help from the child's father and found it easy -it perhaps explains some of your attitude .
As for not wanting to support the child........ Tough ! You married a man knowing he had responsibilities that will continue for years -it's a bit late to complain now that child support is required.
Frankly you sound a bit jealous of the boy and there has been no mention of you having any affection for him at all. Do you not think he picks up on how you feel -kids do-even if we try to hide it .....and husbands tend to get a bit tired of it after a while too.

Your assumptions are way off. Please read the whole thread before jumping to conclusions.

No, did not leave daughters father for my husband (not boyfriend). No her father did not contribute, no it wasn't easy, yes I worked hard to support my daughter, no I didn't expect anyone to support me. I have no problem with supporting my stepson, I just don't want to support his mum. Why should I? And why should my husband? He had nothing when we met, she had taken it all. I supported him financially for a year til he got back on his feet, and now we're being treated like a spare bank account.

I am not jealous of my stepson in the slightest, we bake cakes together, and I am not the wicked stepmother you are making me out to be. It's not been easy, but we've muddled through.