devastated as husband been "cheating" on me

marisco_2

rocketqueen wrote: »

Thank you ALL for your kind words and listening while I go on, it really is much appreciated x

You aren't going on at all. You are seeking help and support from people, whilst you try and work you way through a really awful time in your life, which has understandably left you shocked and reeling.

RuthnJasper

warehouse wrote: »

It takes 2 to tango and the WOMAN is just as bad IMO.

That's very true. I'm sorry for her husband (probably), being saddled with an adulterous guttersnipe for a wife. Just guesswork, obviously - but I'd imagine he'd be just as gutted as RQ is if he knew. No matter how much I fancied someone - I'd never act on it if he was with someone else; it's just nasty.

Dimey

marisco wrote: »

I hate to bring this up when you are under so much stress and going through awful turmoil already. However it is possible that your husband may have been sleeping with this woman, despite his claims otherwise. All the while you two have been trying for a baby. It would be wise to get yourself checked for STD's, especially so if there is even the slightest chance you could be pregnant. Some STD's are dangerous in pregnancy.

Wise.
And I'm afraid you don't yet know what went on in previous years or whether more women are involved. So best get this necessary job over with.

I'm so sorry for you Rocketqueen.

ostrichnomore_2

'It would be wise to get yourself checked for STD's'

I second this. They may or may not have slept together already. Or engaged in some sort of activity if not intercourse. My ex swore blind he hadn't actually slept with the 'other woman' and I sometimes believe him, sometimes don't. It's not worth the risk even if you do 100% believe him, especially if you want to have children in future as some can be symptomless but damage your fertility.

Go to the clinic and get checked up. It isn't nearly as bad as you think, it's all anonymous and non-judgemental, in fact they were very sympathetic to me. Just to put your mind at rest and to know you are safe.

Ronaldo_Mconaldo

Use your imagination. Check his phone for naked photos of her that she'll have sent and upload them to some !!!!!! site. Then email a link to her husband. That'll teach her.

FatVonD

rocketqueen wrote: »

I'm fairly sure they were planning to meet up this weekend as I'm doing long days at work Saturday and bank holiday Monday - these were the times mentioned. How the hell I'm going to go to work on both those days now, wondering what he's up to.

My anger/upset is 90% directed at him and 10% at her, as what he has done to me is far worse if that makes sense?

I took screen shots on my phone of a selection of the messages so emailing them to her husband is fairly tempting.

I would do exactly that. Not just because he deserves to know (which he does) but once you've done that then there's less chance of them being able to meet up at the weekend and one less worry off your mind. Be kind to yourself.

Ballabriggs

I wouldn't normally advocate going to the husband but in this case I completely agree with Fat Von D. You won't have any peace of mind until you know there's no way he's running off to see her.

Plus who knows, she might be doing the same thing with a number of different husbands in your social group and as marisco says who knows what's being passed around.

Apple123

God I can't imagine the amount of stress you're going through right now:sad:

This might not make sense (or be helpful) but I've been with my partner for years, I love him more than anything and will care for him my entire life. Yet I've sent messages like that to a couple of other men at various points when I was feeling stressed out, grumpy and trapped. Like my life had been all planned out and there was no escape (even though I only feel like this 1% of the time.) It's the excitement, just a way to feel like you know you could still have someone else.

If he has gone any further, then by all means kick him out and kick him in the nuts. But this could shock him into realizing what he's got and could lose. I know it did with me when my partner found out..He could genuinely be remorseful. Trust you gut though, and best of luck xx

Person_one

Ballabriggs wrote: »

Does the 'other woman' know that she's been rumbled yet? I think you said she was a mutual friend. If not I'd be sending her a stinging ( not abusive) email from your husband's account as a forward from the last explicit one she sent. Something on the lines of:

The is x's wife, remember me? I have seen ALL of the emails you have sent to my husband and quite frankly you have proven yourself to be the classless piece of trash that I always suspected. Whilst it might have given you a kick to come between a husband and wife, be sure to remember that what goes around comes around. Btw I haven't decided what to do with the emails yet, once I had gotten over the shock we had a good laugh over what you had sent and it seems a shame to keep such material to a select few.


Okay so your not going to post them around town but she doesn't know that does she? Karma's a b!&ch!

I think you deserve a little payback on this so called 'friend'

Good luck

I absolutely wouldn't do this.

I understand the temptation, but I would hold your head high and behave with all the dignity they've shown they haven't got.

marisco_2

Ballabriggs wrote: »

Does the 'other woman' know that she's been rumbled yet? I think you said she was a mutual friend. If not I'd be sending her a stinging ( not abusive) email from your husband's account as a forward from the last explicit one she sent.

I think you deserve a little payback on this so called 'friend'

This approach would just play straight into the other woman's hands and lets her know how hurt and upset she has made the OP. Do you think that a woman who can go with a mutual friends husband gives two hoots about feelings or consequences to actions? Stay the better person OP and retain a dignified silence where she is concerned.