devastated as husband been "cheating" on me

klump

RocketQueen, I have just read all your updates.
You may be able to forgive in the future but I don't think you can ever forget. Just from past experiences personally, only you will no what you want.
I truly hope everything works out for you.

pink_petal

So sorry to read this. Same thing happened to me 9 years ago although we were not married but very committed and blissfully happy (I thought).

I found out he had a second phone (it was actually an old one of mine that we kept just in case either of us ever lost our phones or whatever) and he used it to text random girls that he met when out with his mates. Three that I know of but he claims he only slept with one...well that's ok then!

I know what you must be feeling right now...that mixture of wanting to tell him where to go and not stand for it...but then the feelings of love that are impossible to just switch off come back and you think maybe he can change and this will be a scare for him. Only you can make this final decision about what to do.

My decision was to give him a chance. He was distraught, crying and saying he'd ruined everything. I took two weeks to myself and then forgave him. I wouldn't say I regret it as it was what I felt at the time but it only lasted three months and then I ended up finishing with him anyway. Not because he cheated again (as far as I know!) but because I felt it changed me as a person. I had no trust and was constantly worried about what he was doing, where he was, who he was with...I knew deep down that wasn't the person I wanted to be for the rest of my life. I couldn't cope with the constant paranoia, I even started checking his phone. It just wasn't healthy.

That's just my experience though and everyone is different. Do what you think will make you happy as you're the most important person in all this!

Take care xx

rocketqueen

Hello everyone sorry I've not updated for a while.

I stayed with my friend for a while, but knew I had to go home at some point. I'm back home now, but still not sure it'll work out.

Things between us are not good at all (although we both seem to be pretending everything is fine, as there is only so many times you can have the same conversation/argument.) I just cannot look at him in quite the same way I used to. Every time he's on his phone or it beeps im immediately thinking the worst.

Just feels like it'll never be the same again and that feeling isn't going away. If anything its getting worse.

Anyway I just wanted to update so everyone knew I was ok - sorry the news isn't better.

j.e.j.

Do you have somewhere else you can go to? How long do you think you can continue to live with him under the same roof?

geminilady

rocketqueen wrote: »

Hello everyone sorry I've not updated for a while.

I stayed with my friend for a while, but knew I had to go home at some point. I'm back home now, but still not sure it'll work out.

Things between us are not good at all (although we both seem to be pretending everything is fine, as there is only so many times you can have the same conversation/argument.) I just cannot look at him in quite the same way I used to. Every time he's on his phone or it beeps im immediately thinking the worst.

Just feels like it'll never be the same again and that feeling isn't going away. If anything its getting worse.

Anyway I just wanted to update so everyone knew I was ok - sorry the news isn't better.

Been there bought the t-shirt except my husband had an affair,I was the same once the trust has gone it is very hard to get back and in my case he did cheat again.((hug)) would not wish this on anyone.

marisco_2

rocketqueen wrote: »

Just feels like it'll never be the same again and that feeling isn't going away. If anything its getting worse.

Thank you for the update and I am sending you a hug at this difficult time. I have felt just as you are now and it is a horrible experience to go through.

It will be up to you how you decide to proceed from here. If you do decide to try and work things out then you are going to need to repair the trust between you both. Not an easy thing to do considering all that has gone on. I am thinking of you

northernsaver

That's awful. I bet he was sorry, sorry at being caught.

Personally I'd never be able to trust someone who did that; even though he hasn't done anything YET, it would always be in the back of my mind. Especially as they've planned meetings around you being out - organised!

I'd get out now and think yourself lucky you haven't got children.

victory

rocketqueen wrote: »

Hello everyone sorry I've not updated for a while.

I stayed with my friend for a while, but knew I had to go home at some point. I'm back home now, but still not sure it'll work out.

Things between us are not good at all (although we both seem to be pretending everything is fine, as there is only so many times you can have the same conversation/argument.) I just cannot look at him in quite the same way I used to. Every time he's on his phone or it beeps im immediately thinking the worst.

Just feels like it'll never be the same again and that feeling isn't going away. If anything its getting worse.

Anyway I just wanted to update so everyone knew I was ok - sorry the news isn't better.

Everything takes time to get over, a huge amount of time, patience, understanding, if you feel as bad as you obviously rightly do, then all the effort you would have to put in maybe too much for you, if you want to keep the relationship you would have to do so much talking, regaining the trust, it is a very large mountain to climb, only you can see if you know if that is worth it?

aphroditelove

I am just wondering how you are doing and what is happening.
This weekend my friend told me her husband had cheated on her and I was talking to my husband (of 13 months) about it and telling him how awful it was. We talked about it for awhile and at the end of the conversation I randomly just asked him if I could ask him a question (we do this to each other regularly). I literally hadn't even been thinking about it and while laying there I just said "have you been 100% faithful to me since we've been married" expecting an immediate "YES OF COURSE" but when I didn't get an answer right away my heart sunk and I knew what was coming next... "No hon I haven't".
I'm still trying to deal with it - so just wondering what you decided to do and how you're coping?:grouphug:

Dimey

Oh Aphroditelove, I'm sorry you had to hear that devastating admission from your husband. I hope it turns out to be something minor that you can both put in the past and live happy ever after. If not then I hope you'll be strong and true to yourself.

I hope Rocketqueen is OK.