devastated as husband been "cheating" on me

tea_lover

rozmister wrote: »

The only way I can explain it is that during our break up and afterwards I felt insane.

I know what you mean. I found one of the hardest things was that I could never get across to OH just how much it hurt, how much it messed with my head. I do feel that I went a bit mad in the first few months after I found out. I've certainly never felt rage like it (and no, I didn't act on that and I definitely wouldn't condone it but the anger is just all-consuming at the time).

OP, it's early days and you won't know what to think just yet. FWIW, my advice would be don't make any decision at the moment, it's all just too raw. Take your time, and think about what YOU really want from life. Couples can get past this, if that's what you want, but there's no rush to decide.

RuthnJasper

itsanne wrote: »

Now that sounds like an excellent idea!

Yeah - I'd be tempted to print loads of copies and stick them in multiple places - fridge door, bathroom mirror, sock drawer, etc. - so that, just when he thinks he's got rid of the last one... Oh dear! Another one turns up to remind him of what a total t*t he's been...

paulineb_2

aileth wrote: »

Maybe I'm just malicious, but if I had a cheating OH, I would definitely kick them in the balls and years afterwards would think back to his face when my knee connected and smile.

You know, having worked in a job for years where I was regularly police checked and I still have to have police checks for the work I do now, no boot in the balls is worth the risk of someone reporting you to the police.

rpc

paulineb wrote: »

You know, having worked in a job for years where I was regularly police checked and I still have to have police checks for the work I do now, no boot in the balls is worth the risk of someone reporting you to the police.

Or them retaliating and sticking your head through a wall/window/whatever.

rozmister

tea_lover wrote: »

I know what you mean. I found one of the hardest things was that I could never get across to OH just how much it hurt, how much it messed with my head. I do feel that I went a bit mad in the first few months after I found out. I've certainly never felt rage like it (and no, I didn't act on that and I definitely wouldn't condone it but the anger is just all-consuming at the time).

My ex had always struggled with emotions and I think he just didn't have the skills and knowledge to understand. He struggled to communicate his own emotions and he couldn't always understand other people's. Now I can see he didn't mean to upset me further but at the time it made it worse!

As a side note I would like to point out that my acting on it was not a knee to the balls as is now being discussed just in case anyone did not see my original post. I kneed my then boyfriend in the back, not hard enough to cause a bruise or any injury, I was hoping he would wake up but he just stopped snoring for a bit. It did however bring me great satisfaction at the time which is wrong and mean.

paulineb_2

Another poster wrote about kicking someone in the balls, thats why I posted what I did.

rozmister

paulineb wrote: »

Another poster wrote about kicking someone in the balls, thats why I posted what I did.

No I know I just got a bit worried that someone coming to this thread who hasn't followed it all along would see my comment about knocking someone awake with your knee at night and think I knocked them awake in their man bits!!

HeadAboveWater

That's why people should take the time to read all the thread and not just one or 2 posts which can easily be taken outta context

itsanne

RuthnJasper wrote: »

Yeah - I'd be tempted to print loads of copies and stick them in multiple places - fridge door, bathroom mirror, sock drawer, etc. - so that, just when he thinks he's got rid of the last one... Oh dear! Another one turns up to remind him of what a total t*t he's been...

I think it's a good idea because it would force the conversation he's been trying to avoid, not as a retaliation.

As a retaliation it would bring the OP down towards her OP's level - still a long way from it, but she's got the high ground at present.

paulineb_2

itsanne wrote: »

I think it's a good idea because it would force the conversation he's been trying to avoid, not as a retaliation.

As a retaliation it would bring the OP down towards her OP's level - still a long way from it, but she's got the high ground at present.

How do you know it would force a conversation? He might just remove them and still say nothing.

As for having the high ground, yes she might still have it and yes they need to talk, but printing out the emails and plastering them all over the house is childish in my view and wont achieve anything apart from more upset and possible confrontation.

They have been together a long time, even if this is going to end, hopefully they'll try and do it amicably and if necessary with the help of professional people.

Im aware there are people who cheat and its a lifestyle and thats the life they choose and they dont care.

But if this man hasnt strayed before or the OP doesnt think he has, perhaps they can actually, with help if necessary find out why he did what he did and get to a place where they can both move on and get on with their lives.

Also, if they are going to have to spend weeks, months together until one of them finds somewhere else to live, I dont think putting emails all over the house is going to help, you are still going to have to see that person every single day

Hes done wrong, no doubt about that, but do people have to be punished? It wont change what hes done.