devastated as husband been "cheating" on me

kboss2010

I'm so sorry you had this happen (((hugs))). Personally, if it were me, that would be it.

This topic recently came up in discussion with my OH (one of his "friends" told him that I had confided in him that I thought he was cheating on me behind my back with a colleague - I said no such thing and I have no clue why the person said I did, I only spoke to the person for 5 seconds on a night out and he was very drunk!) so I shall tell you what I told him:

If I thought (and could reasonably prove) the person I was with was cheating on me, they wouldn't need to hear it from a friend they just wouldn't see me for dust.

As many people have said, he's not sorry he did it, he's sorry he got caught. There is never an excuse to cheat. If you take him back, he'll think he got away with it and do it again, given time. It might be a year or 10 years but if he's tempted he has no reason not to if you take him back. And if you feel vulnerable now, imagine how much worse you would feel if he did it again whilst you were pregnant/raising his child?

You'll also drive yourself mad with worry every time he picks up his phone or leaves the house without you - can you put up with living like that? I couldn't.

Watto30

To the op I am sorry to hear what has happened and am sending you a hug, as others have said as hard as it is try and eat if you can and take care of yourself, I hope in time and once the shock and anger have subsided that you can have clarity and make rational decisions but ultimately you deserve happiness.

If you stay with him or dont only you can decide the way forward, as others have said there are marriages out there that can survive this if that is what you wanted to do but ultimately you both have to want it and from what you have said I am sorry to say but its obvious he wants or thinks he can have his cake and eat it. From experience of being cheated on and knowing men in the past who were cheaters (me being friends with them not me they were cheating with) if they can get away with it they will if that is the type of person they are, that said there are genuine ones out there who are decent and honest.


Personally I would call her up and arrange to meet her and then smack her in the gob! she bloody deserves it, aquaintance, friend or relation you just dont cross that line with someone elses husband/partner, unfortunately there are ones out there with no morals that think its ok, am quite sure if the boot was on the other foot and if it had been her husband doing this then she would be screaming blue murder! I do agree with others on here who have said her husband deserves to know what a low life biatch he is married to!


Personally I wouldn't ever be able to trust him again, I would be watching his every move and that is not healthy but hard not to when you have been lied and deceived.


I hope in time things work out for you and you find the true happiness you deserve

spirit

Big hugs from me too OP I can well imagine how you are feeling.

My ex H. was very similar. Just how long would this have gone on for if you hadn't found out when you did?

Thing is, some people (my ex for eg) get themselves into these sorts of situations and just don't know how to stop it. They are the weaker s3x after all.

With my ex, he did something which meant that I would find out about it and put a stop to it where he couldn't have (but should)

Only you know him, but is he that type?

aileth

The texting her and commenting about how he was sat next to you on the sofa while sexting is the ultimate insult. I personally would take the phone and shove it where the sun doesn't shine.

spirit

Watto30 wrote: »

Personally I wouldn't ever be able to trust him again, I would be watching his every move and that is not healthy but hard not to when you have been lied and deceived.

Nor me, when he is whispering pillow talk with you, you'd be thinking he said the same to her!

tinkerbell28

Fresh marriage, trying for a baby, the sexual and emotional peak of a marriage.

If he can do it now for the thrills, he is an out and out cheat, you cannot change that.

I do think people sometimes stumble into affairs after years, where boundaries get blurred. People take each other for granted, etc. Which can sometimes be over come.

Now though I would suggest he is actually by nature a cheat. It is at the one of the best points in your marriage. What happens when you're are heavily pregnant? Nursing a baby? Looking after a sick child, when his needs come 2nd? Or as you get older, if you get an illness? If he can't keep his d!ck in his pants when the going is good....he won't do it then.

I would also get STD tests, I would not believe for a minute he had not had others or her.

RuthnJasper

Watto30 wrote: »

Personally I would call her up and arrange to meet her and then smack her in the gob! she bloody deserves it, aquaintance, friend or relation you just dont cross that line with someone elses husband/partner, unfortunately there are ones out there with no morals that think its ok, am quite sure if the boot was on the other foot and if it had been her husband doing this then she would be screaming blue murder! I do agree with others on here who have said her husband deserves to know what a low life biatch he is married to!

NOT a good idea. Then Rocketqueen might well find herself up on a criminal assault charge. To judge from her posts she has much more class than to descend to that (however much she may feel tempted).

rocketqueen

Thank you all again.

Had a bit of a distraction for a bit when our 3 week old washing machine decided to flood kitchen, tho did feel bit like karma that only thing apart from floor that was flooded was his new expensive shoes!

I hadn't even considered a STD test, but think I need to be realistic and arrange one just in case. Don't actually know how to arrange one, but I'm guessing the family planning clinic can give me details of local places.

I'm still inclined to believe he didn't actually sleep with her, but I can't be 100per cent sure, so it's a good suggestion.

I'm ok ish at moment if I keep myself busy, but still can't stomach the thought of eating, having him not here is actually easier as I can't hear his text message alert, email alert etc - as every time I hear it I think the worst.

I'm dreading night time as I've had no sleep since Saturday night, but as soon as I close my eyes I just start thinking about it all and getting upset.

Still can't believe it on some level, as I REALLY wouldn't have thought he was the kind of man to do this - obviously I didn't know him as well as I thought...

paulineb_2

rocketqueen wrote: »

Thank you all again.

Had a bit of a distraction for a bit when our 3 week old washing machine decided to flood kitchen, tho did feel bit like karma that only thing apart from floor that was flooded was his new expensive shoes!

I hadn't even considered a STD test, but think I need to be realistic and arrange one just in case. Don't actually know how to arrange one, but I'm guessing the family planning clinic can give me details of local places.

I'm still inclined to believe he didn't actually sleep with her, but I can't be 100per cent sure, so it's a good suggestion.

I'm ok ish at moment if I keep myself busy, but still can't stomach the thought of eating, having him not here is actually easier as I can't hear his text message alert, email alert etc - as every time I hear it I think the worst.

I'm dreading night time as I've had no sleep since Saturday night, but as soon as I close my eyes I just start thinking about it all and getting upset.

Still can't believe it on some level, as I REALLY wouldn't have thought he was the kind of man to do this - obviously I didn't know him as well as I thought...

You really need to try and look after yourself, not eating for a couple of days wont do you any harm but dont let it drag on.

I saw a family member go under 7 stones last year due to being under extreme stress, try not to let that happen to you.

aileth

He might not have slept with her, but as he was such a willing participant in their conversations, you can't discount they might've been someone before you got married or even before he started these sexts with her.

He said himself that she isn't special or means anything to him, so it's not like he's stuck his neck out for one person due to a 'connection.'