devastated as husband been "cheating" on me

tinkerbell28

Don't be hard on yourself. A lot of people always say my husband would NEVER cheat, he is not the type, I trust him, blah, blah.

Fact is you can never, ever truly know what a person is capable of deep down

OCS_Fan

rocketqueen wrote: »

Thank you all again.

Had a bit of a distraction for a bit when our 3 week old washing machine decided to flood kitchen, tho did feel bit like karma that only thing apart from floor that was flooded was his new expensive shoes!

I hadn't even considered a STD test, but think I need to be realistic and arrange one just in case. Don't actually know how to arrange one, but I'm guessing the family planning clinic can give me details of local places.

I'm still inclined to believe he didn't actually sleep with her, but I can't be 100per cent sure, so it's a good suggestion.

I'm ok ish at moment if I keep myself busy, but still can't stomach the thought of eating, having him not here is actually easier as I can't hear his text message alert, email alert etc - as every time I hear it I think the worst.

I'm dreading night time as I've had no sleep since Saturday night, but as soon as I close my eyes I just start thinking about it all and getting upset.

Still can't believe it on some level, as I REALLY wouldn't have thought he was the kind of man to do this - obviously I didn't know him as well as I thought...

Can I ask if he's moved out for a while or is he at work? If you are still living under the same roof, how is he being with you? Is he giving you time to think?

neverdespairgirl

Rocket Queen - of course you are devastated, and you must feel terrible. Wounds from the people we love hurt so much more, and when it's from the person who is supposed above all others to love, cherish and protect you, it's very hard to bear.

I think it's very important that you arrange STD tests immediately. Of course you don't want to believe that he did have sex with her, but it seems to me that he's admitted exactly what he's been caught out doing, and nothing more.

That might be because there is nothing more, but could also be because he's only admitted the stuff he had absolutely no choice about. And (and of course you don't want to think about this) there could have been others, too.

STDs often "lurk" in women's systems with no obvious symptoms, but cause damage to your health and fertility anyway.

kboss2010

rocketqueen wrote: »

Thank you all again.

Had a bit of a distraction for a bit when our 3 week old washing machine decided to flood kitchen, tho did feel bit like karma that only thing apart from floor that was flooded was his new expensive shoes!

I hadn't even considered a STD test, but think I need to be realistic and arrange one just in case. Don't actually know how to arrange one, but I'm guessing the family planning clinic can give me details of local places.

I'm still inclined to believe he didn't actually sleep with her, but I can't be 100per cent sure, so it's a good suggestion.

I'm ok ish at moment if I keep myself busy, but still can't stomach the thought of eating, having him not here is actually easier as I can't hear his text message alert, email alert etc - as every time I hear it I think the worst.

I'm dreading night time as I've had no sleep since Saturday night, but as soon as I close my eyes I just start thinking about it all and getting upset.

Still can't believe it on some level, as I REALLY wouldn't have thought he was the kind of man to do this - obviously I didn't know him as well as I thought...

(((Hugs))) if there's one thing I've learned it's that the most surprising people can do the most terrible things. Just remember, that's not a reflection on you, it's a reflection on them.

As for the STI test, go online, google your local NHS trust and find your local GUM clinic. You can email them to book an appointment if you don't feel comfortable discussing it on the phone. Every city has one and they can offer you emergency appointments for this kind of thing (you can also get them for stuff like UTIs and other minor gynaecological issues).

Good luck, stay strong and remember you're in the right here, whatever happens.:grouphug:

Dimey

rocketqueen wrote: »

>>>
I hadn't even considered a STD test, but think I need to be realistic and arrange one just in case. Don't actually know how to arrange one, but I'm guessing the family planning clinic can give me details of local places<<<...

Yes Family Planning will point you in the right direction or your GP and it will be in the phone book.

Ask a mutual friend to go with you for moral support. It won't hurt that it leaks back to the other woman & her husband as to why you've had to do this.

Don't forget it's not just this woman. At present you have no idea whether there are more. There may be none. But you are sensibly being precautionary.

marisco_2

tinkerbell28 wrote: »

Fact is you can never, ever truly know what a person is capable of deep down

Sadly that is so true. I no longer trust anyone completely. Life experience has shown me that you don't know someone properly, till they get caught out betraying you and you divorce them. Then you see every side of them imaginable.

Dimey

marisco wrote: »

Sadly that is so true. I no longer trust anyone completely. Life experience has shown me that you don't know someone properly, till they get caught out betraying you and you divorce them. Then you see every side of them imaginable.

Me too. Sadly from bitter experience. You learn to protect yourself but you lose that niave innocence you had before someone you love, and thought loved you, has betrayed and deceived you.

pinkshoes

I think I'd calmly phoneor text the other woman and tell her she has 24 hours to tell her husband before you do. Give her a chance to confess.

The husband deserves to know.

tinkerbell28

marisco wrote: »

Sadly that is so true. I no longer trust anyone completely. Life experience has shown me that you don't know someone properly, till they get caught out betraying you and you divorce them. Then you see every side of them imaginable.

I don't either and I have never been cheated on....I think.

I have seen the loveliest, of loveliest family type people cheat. You would NEVER think it of them either. But it was a gradual thing, friends, boundaries got blurred over time, then full on affair, it was almost like they slept walked into it. I have seen it so many times and they are always of the MY HUSBAND/WIFE WOULD NEVER CHEAT variety.

Which is why, I do trust my husband. I don't think he would cheat, but I would never rule out the possibility, no one can, you can't control someone else.

Which is why op should not be too hard on herself, People mostly would not stay with the "type" who would appear to cheat. So when they do, it is a shock.

rocketqueen

I know the not trusting anyone 100 per cent feeling well. My dad walked out on me as a child, then I was raised by grandad (mum couldn't cope) who died suddenly and unexpectedly, so I've always had an issue that no one stays around for long - only person I've ever "let in" totally is husband and now he's done it too.

OCS FAN - we are still under same roof, he's being"ok" - answering all the random questions I fire his way, but I really feel as though he's thinking that as I didn't walk yesterday, all will be forgotten about in few days....clearly it won't, but that attitude makes me think he doesn't fully appreciate the seriousness of situation. Maybe I'm just reading it wrong and he's giving me space - I'm so confused I just don't know anymore.