devastated as husband been "cheating" on me

j.e.j.

Treevo wrote: »

I don't think the OP should listen to most of the posts on here telling her to kick him out, because, well she can't. It's his flat.

She shouldn't listen to the ones baying for his blood because she's the one who has to live with the consequences - not them.

Yes they are married, but he's pays for the flat and it's in his name. It's also a short marriage and it's nowhere near certain that the judge would consider the time spent together pre-marriage as part of the marriage when there are no children to consider. Also it's his flat - she can't kick him out, and she can't afford to pay for it herself.

In her position I would leave. But if she doesn't want to, that's fine. But she will have to realise that she won't be taking his money and living in the lifestyle she's become accustomed to as some on here suggest.

Sounds like a bit of a power game, Treevo.
And there's me thinking if you get married the money/flat belongs to both partners. If people aren't happy with that, don't get married, simples! The days of the gold-digging wife, are, hopefully, pretty much in the past now, even though women are still not as able as men to earn enough money to support themselves.

Fwiw I don't think she'll kick him out either. It'll blow over, then he'll be at it again with someone else (or possibly the same woman still).
Personally I don't believe he's been faithful for 12 years and now suddenly has had a personality transplant and is behaving like an ar5e. He was most probably like it all along, it's only now that she's found out about it.

Kapoww

I would live with friends, parents whoever but I wouldn't put up with that - AND whilst trying for a baby? Hells no.

However I do understand things are never as simple as we'd always like them to be. I think, if the situation was just flirting and such I would let it pass and make it 100% clear no more chances ( I HAVE been in that situation unfortunatley ), however the fact he was actually going to act upon this would be it.

If there is no trust how can there be love? If that was me I would be paranoid every time I went to work!

I suggest you stay with someone until you think things through, get yourself from being right smack bang in the middle of this situation and have some breathing space. Once you've cooled down a bit step back and weigh up the pro's and con's of it all and do what you feel is right for you personally.

All I can say is if you do decide to stay with him you REALLY need to consider this: If it's complicated now, and he's done this so early on in your marriage, if this DOES happen again and you have a baby with this man, the situation is going to be even more complicated and make things even more painful.

candygirl

aileth wrote: »

Don't contact the woman - she will laugh in your face and make you feel even more terrible.

I would, however, contact her husband. Give him the information you have found, leave him to make his own decision. They might have an open relationship and both of them go out screwing other married men/women, he might know about her indiscretions and lets her get on with it, or he might be in the same position as you and be utterly devastated and thankful you told him, and you two can console each other and work through it together as you're both going through the same thing.

Me too!!Definitely tell him, as she is a cheating cow too:mad::mad:

Dimey

I don't get the impression anyone is suggesting OP takes her husbands money and throws him out.

I don't think most posters are thinking that far ahead. (though I appreciate some are and some are thinking "leave him" behind the scenes but restraining themselves for now.) The majority are saying take some time to get your head together so you are thinking straight before you sit down with husband to discuss why he did what he did and how they can move forward together or not.

Posters are suggesting husband moves out for a few days to give Rocketqueen space because it is husband at fault so he deserves to pay some consequences by at least being considerate to Rocketqueen.

If not then Rocketqueen can always go somewhere for a few days peace herself.

If Rocketqueen is rushed into making plans with her husband too soon, she may live to regret her decisions. She may also be overly influenced by her husband if she is still too upset to stand up for herself.

aileth

If you have the money available, book yourself into a lovely posh hotel with a spa, wine and dine yourself, pamper the everliving f**k out of yourself and relax! You can get away from him for a while too!

duchy

There's a lot of nonsense talked on here about how it is "his" flat. It's the marital home and both are equally entitled to stay there legally.....Morally -may be different . I wonder if the OP has actually ASKED her husband to stay somewhere else for a few days ?

A bit of space to think would probably be good for both of them at this point.

hellzbellz

Tbf op you have shown considerable restraint

I would have mailed this "friend"back to say you've changed your schedule so that they can go $`£￦ themselves and each other and invited her over for a chat if she felt you weren't being accommodating enough.

But that's me!

Mojisola

Dimey wrote: »

I don't get the impression anyone is suggesting OP takes her husbands money and throws him out.

The majority are saying take some time to get your head together so you are thinking straight before you sit down with husband to discuss why he did what he did and how they can move forward together or not.

Posters are suggesting husband moves out for a few days to give Rocketqueen space because it is husband at fault so he deserves to pay some consequences by at least being considerate to Rocketqueen.

I agree with this - it's a few days apart to give them both time to think about the future.

If he was genuinely sorry, I think he would have offered to stay away. By staying in the flat and crying and showing how upset he is (at being found out), he's keeping the pressure on her to forgive him and go back to normal (except that his "normal" is arranging to have sex with another woman).

Amanda65

Would definitely recommend space for you to sort your head out OP - whether it's him who moves elsewhere for a couple of days or you. You say his best friend knows - could he stay there for the weekend maybe?

As for what may happen this weekend, it sounds as though it was going to anyway and if they are intent on cheating on you and the woman's husband, they will. You knowing may just take the 'shine' off of the excitement of an illicit assignation though.

My advice would be don't make any knee jerk decisions, but do take time to consider your feelings and wishes. Good luck xxx

FBaby

I don't think the OP should listen to most of the posts on here telling her to kick him out, because, well she can't. It's his flat.

I think most of the suggestions was for to ask him to give her some space and therefore move out for some days rather than kicking him out. I think even if out of anger, the 'kicking out' stage has now gone anyway.

and husbands apologies and looking upset isn't working on me now I just feel numb

What does he say when he apologises? Just repeating over and over that he is sorry, or is actually trying to discuss the matter and give reasons for why he did it and how he will reassure you that it won't happen again?